I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now. And I've gotten to know a lot about her past relationships. I can honestly say I am in love with this woman and just thinking about her having been with other men and all she experienced with them kind of bothers me. Did I mention she has a 4 yrd old and of course a baby daddy who is around often b/c of the kid. She dated him for 8 years, he took her virginity and they were high school sweethearts. Long story short they hate each other, even though the guy wants her back but she won't give him the time of day. She really loves me and we are so right for each other but I feel like I will always live in her exs shadow. I can never be more important than the father of her child,who she went through so much with and have so much history Together. They have split up in the past for as long as a year. She dated other people but in the end went back to him. Even though she tells me she can't imagine being apart from me and how much she loves etc, I feel like very deep inside he's the one in her heart and always will be simply for all they have been through. I know its irrational to be upset about something like that but I am, and its kind of pulling me away from her.. Has anyone else felt like this or am I being delusional?
My parents were together for 30 years. And they split up. My dad would do anything to have my mom back but my mom has truly moved on. You have to trust her. My boyfriend and I don't talk about past relationships because its easy to get jealous and compare each other to. I can understand why you feel this way, but just make sure you treat the kid fairly and make sure he doesn't think of his dad in a bad way because anything negative you or your girlfriend says about him. And if you do have a kid with her- make sure you treat the two the same. It'll be worth it in the long run. The child will love you just as much as he loves his parents because you have been there for him.
Unfortunately you have to trust her or this issue will bug you forever. You're right, she probably does love him. I don't think people understand the love between two people when they have a kid. You will always love them I think, for what they share. The love for their child...however, not everyone is in love with that person forever. 8 years is a lot of history so I would be worried too. I highly doubt she's over it completely, but if she's making the effort to make sure you know you're wanted and loved...you just have to chance it. Or get out before you get too invested. As far as important goes...if you're meant to be, you will be more important than him. He'll be an important issue (raising the kid, seeing them and all) but he'll be just that, an issue. It's up to her to show you you're more important and you're her #1. You'll have to make up your own mind man.
I know exactly how you feel man. My girlfriend has a very active past also and no matter how much she tells me that she loves me the thought of her fucking some other guy just pisses me off. Shit eats away at you like cancer, I feel the same way sometimes too. Everytime I think about her past I feel like I love her less? Its just something we gotta get over.
You have some very good advice here, already! The only thing to add is: Start Making Your Own History With Her! Trump her past and let it go! Go with your heart. Hate is very close to love and one or the other is truly in hate! And the other needs to move on-it sounds like she has. But, perhaps is there too much hate toward the ex? If so, you need to stop being her sounding board and move on! Make her choose and decide! You don't need to be her therapist! Hopefully, you aren't the first after her past relationship and may just be an in-between-relationship person. I hope not! Hope you are not being used for a sounding board and she is ready for a new relationship. There needs to be time in-between for healing. She needs to forgive her ex, see him for what he is before she can be so into you the way you are her! This is not always the case and for you, I do hope this works out. It is an adjustment for her and her son toward you. The fact that you are around the son and that seems o.k., you have a great chance. Treat the child as if he is your own and she won't worry about a father figure. Just an ex that she legally has to let the child have time with!
Does she still talk about how much she hates him? If she does, then she's probably not over him. If she's really all there with you, he won't be on her mind other than when she realizes he's coming to pick up their child. IF she still harbors active hate for him, there is a chance she's not completely over the whole situation. However, doubt it. Even if she's not over him, she could still REALLY care for you, but if you keep pushing her away she'll feel like she HAS to be back with him because, no doubt, he's filling her head with lies so she'll feel like he's the best she will get.
I used to constantly think about my girlfriend's past relationships. I'm taking it your a bit older, not a young adult...I think it would be hard to find anyone (male or female) without baggage at that age. Sorry to be stern.
my girlfriend always loved to talk to me about my past relationships she didn't really date much before - I didn't mind but i'm not relating to you though I don't mind girls that have dated - I don't like when they constantly talk about them though - even if I know they are done.
Thanks for the input guys.. Btw I'm 24 and so is she so I'm not used to dating someone with that much baggage. I really want to be with her but if her ex is always going to be around after all they've been through together I don't think I can ever have the same effect on her. I'm starting to think I just want to let this go before I get more emotionally involved and end up getting hurt later. It just seems like a stupid reason to give her up when we have such a good thing going on.. I'm just out of ideas at this point I don't know what to do.
[quote name='"AbydeBySolace"']Thanks for the input guys.. Btw I'm 24 and so is she so I'm not used to dating someone with that much baggage. I really want to be with her but if her ex is always going to be around after all they've been through together I don't think I can ever have the same effect on her. I'm starting to think I just want to let this go before I get more emotionally involved and end up getting hurt later. It just seems like a stupid reason to give her up when we have such a good thing going on.. I'm just out of ideas at this point I don't know what to do.[/quote] Would you rather get hurt or live the rest of your life thinking about "what if"
If they were together 8 years then chances are she really is over him since you get pretty sick of it after that 7 year itch..I was with my ex almost 7 years and we have a 4 year old and we're just friends now...yea we still love each other but its like brother sister family love...we both date and yea its weird but we're friends for our kid...obviously they had problems or she wouldn't be with you so if anything she thinks you're better...just make sure not to interfere with them taking care of parent stuff and who knows maybe you'll have a kid and even it out...24 aint exactly young...good luck
i don't know a lot about my boyfriends past, other than how many girls he's slept with and knowing he's only had one girl live with him. i don't care to know anything else, really, if only to keep my sanity.. i realize what's done is done and in the past for a reason but just thinking of any other girl being with him ooooh it makes my blood boil.
I was recently on a cruise ship. The entertainment of the day were married couples. They put them back to back in chairs. Then asked each a bunch of questions. Asked wife a question and both answered. One couple, newlyweds, another 23 yr marriage and third 43 years of marriage! The one married 43 years had great answers. One of the questions was, what was the name of your husband's girlfriend before you? What did he like about her? The wife answered, very smartly. . ."I never asked!" The husband answered, "Wanda, she was pretty and EZ!" Basically, make your own histroy with your gal! If you can't get over the ex in the picture, you need to move on. Truth is, it is the child's father and that is important. You cannot get in the middle of that relationship. If you are jealous of it, you have the problem and only you can fix it!
You really have to just trust that she loves you as well. Of course there will be the history between her and her baby's father, but just try to remember that she is with YOU. Like retreat said, make a history with her! I have no problem hearing about my husbands ex's and would have no problem if he talked/kept in contact with any of them but everyone is different and thinks differently. Jealousy or worrying is a natural human emotion but what you do with it and how you manage makes all the difference in a relationship.
lol I always find it so funny when people say that..... I mean he didn't know you . well maybe he did