oh that clears it up.... "I want to get a lawyer present" "sir, you already signed the release form" " no i need to get my lawyer a present" an old one... " could you get my bag from under there." "under where?" "hahaha you said underwear"
What did the condom say to the other condom while walking into a bar??? Where getting shit faced tonight!
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can jam my dick in her ass but I can't peanut butter my dick in her ass
^ nice one. jam it but not peanut butter it lol what did 1 tampon say to the other? nothing, they were both stuck up bitches. what did the taxi driver say to the one legged man? hop in what's the difference between Santa and a chimney? Santa goes down the chimney what;s so good about Ethopian blowjobs? you know she'll swallow.
I don't believe so. "Some folks say that smokin' herb is a crime, if they catch ya smokin' there bound to drop the dime... insufferable, informal, crazy fools" -Bradley Nowell (Sublime)
hahaha i love it. denying hearing the joke yet not satisfying the punchline. this one is from Fap Nation's page on shitbook. little Johnnie's father took him to class his first day of school. Johnnie's dad pulled the teacher aside and told her, Johnnie has a bad gambling problem so don't make a bet with him you can't win. The teacher agreed. When the teacher was passing out the text books Johnny said, teach I'll make a bet with you,she replied ok what? Johnny said I'll bet you fifty dollars I can tell you what color panties you have on. she agreed and told him after the last bell he was to stay in the room and then he could guess. while Johnny and the class were at recess the teacher took her panties off and put them in her purse. when school was out Johnny stayed in the classroom and the teacher locked the door and said okay Johnny what color are they? He replied yellow. so the teacher raised her dress and said no your wrong, I'm not wearing any. Johnny asked her to walk him out to his dads car and he would get her money. so as Johnny passed his dad going to the car the teacher told his dad that Johnny finally got beat. He said what do you mean she said Johnny bet me fifty dollars he could tell me what color panties I had on so I took them off. The father replied that son of a bitch he bet me a hundred dollars he could see your pussy before the end of the day.
A Higgs Boson walks into the Vatican. Pope Francis looks at him and says "Why are you here?" The Boson replies "I'm here because you can't have Mass without me." what's black white and red all over? - newspaper - 2 nuns in a chain saw fight - a mixed baby in a blender I'll try and get some better ones soon
soon enough?? "how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb ? only one but the light bulb has to want to change"
it takes a bit to set up, but basically goes something like this: the other day i had a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette over to get drunk and decided to play "roofie roofie where's the roofie?". then someone in the group you tell it to has to reply with something along the lines of "so who got the roofie?" and you pull a sly grin and reply "who didn't?"
a porn star goes into a hardware store and asks for a job."why do you want to work here" asks the manager."well" he said "i can do alot of pounding and nailing"
I'm sure a lot of you have heard this one but here it goes What's the difference between a baby and a pizza? I don't fuck my pizza before I put it in the oven
so theres a small group of young kids standing in a park smoking cigarets. as their passing it around an older gentleman storms up to the them pointing his finger saying "cigarets are bad for you! put that out and come with me. i need to teach you kids a lesson about smoking!". so they all follow him with their heads down thinking to themselves how much shit they are in. as they arrive in this mans house the old man sits down in his chair and pulls out a big box of cigars. this thing is filled with them to the top. the kids are whispering to each other thinking "hes gonna make us smokes all those?! this is gonna kill man!". the old man then pulls out a cigar and lights it taking a deep breath in and out he's says "now suck my dick!".
\tWhat did the left pussy lip say to the right pussy lip ?.......... We used to be tight,......till we let some dick come between us
We need a new Hitler, now hold on, hold on. We need a new Hitler, one nothing like the old Hitler. A hitler that cares, about saving our school systems, handling the deficit, and ending unemployment and homelessness. A hitler we can trust. A hitler we can believe in. And if he just happens to have any ideas on how to take care of this jewish problem, I think we should hear the guy out.