Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by Superjoint, Jun 19, 2003.

  1. 4 miracles of a woman:
    · getting wet without taking a shower

    · bleeding without getting hurt

    · giving milk without eating grass

    · and making boneless flesh hard

    A man bumps into a woman and says "So sorry ma'am. If your heart is as soft As your breasts, you will forgive me " The lady replies: "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, am in room 603"

    Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?

    A : First they attack their twin towers, then they crash into their pentagon.

    Girls reaction to penis sizes:

    # 9" - oh shit pain!

    # 7" - oh yes, yum!

    # 6" - oh perfect!

    # 5" - mmm ok!

    # 4" - push more

    # 3" - is it in?

    # 2" - idiot! Just use your tongue.

    Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?

    A - Airport (flat)

    B - Barely there

    C - Can do

    D - Damn good

    E - Enormous

    F - Fake

    Women are unpredictable:

    Before marriage, she expects a man.

    After marriage, she suspects her man. &

    After his death, she respects him.

    Why are married women fatter than single one's?

    Singles come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed; whereas married women come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.

    During pregnancy:

    The 1st three months, do it the normal style

    Next three months do it the doggy style

    And the last three months do it the wolf style. Sit outside the hole and howl.

    All couples have different phases of sex life:

    Age 20 - Day and Night

    Age 28 - Every Night

    Age 38 - Fri Night

    Age 48 - Once a month

    Age 58 - only feelings

    Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX???

    2% eat

    3% smoke cigarettes

    4% take a shower

    5% go to sleep

    86% get up and go back home to their wife.

    HOW TRUE!!!

    What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman?

    "Fuck you and your law of gravity, I'm goin UP."

    Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'

    He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100/- for every Fuck!"

    Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $ 250/-"

    Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency. Angry maid says, " at least am better than you in bed." Lady (amazed): " Did the boss

    tell you this?"

    Maid: "No, the driver did."

    What is common between a passionate kiss and a spider?

    " Both lead to the undoing of the fly".

    What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

    " After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

    A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent. The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."

    25 useless things in a man:

    20 nails

    2 nipples that don't milk

    2 balls that you cannot play with. &

    1 cock that does not lay egg.

    Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after milking?

    Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours & then you are left unfucked how would you feel?

    Policeman arrested a prostitute.

    Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!

    Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"

    Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo.
  2. That was awesome. Enough said.
  3. I'm still in tears from laughing!!!!
  4. Still laughing... thanks for those, SJ
  5. Rooster & Cat going over bridge. Cat slips & falls
    into river. Rooster can't stop laughing. Moral of
    story? Whenever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock.

    Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes
    floating by. The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in!
    The water's fine!" One banana turns to the other banana and
    says, "Do you believe that shit?"

    Which are the 4 animals found inside a woman's panty?

    Pussy, Hare, Ass & an occasional visitor named Cock

    Chinese proverb: If the river is red, better take the muddy path.


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