Our version of people. It's so distorted. We only get what we see, what we want to see, can see, from our perspective. I took a break from here. It was 6ish days, but that is a long break for me. It just felt right to do it. Things, people were distorted. Not in a bad way. At least others distortion wasn't in a bad way. I myself was distorted in my own eyes. That was in a bad way. Maybe it was good for me to take a break. Anyways, Woe is me. It's so easy to feel like your like is so distressing when you look out at others, compare them to you. It's easy to see how much better other people's lives are than yours. It's easy to overlook the distress in their life. To overlook that it isn't a comparison anyway. They are no different from you. That's an illusion. This woe is me creates separation. You are there. Therefore an other must be somewhere else, better off. Truth is, no one really has it all figured out. They may seem like they do from your eyes. They present what they do for a reason, a reason that may not even be their own. Doesn't matter. You are perfect the way you are, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Comparing yourself to somebody else is really unhealthy, its a widespread thing that people are probably never gonna give up. The worst part is that when you bring it up. all of a sudden "Nobody" does it, Having positive people in your life is the most important thing in life IMO, or isolating yourself if you don't have any until you can find some. An old friend messaged me a couple weeks ago and tried putting blame on me for not being there for him, meanwhile he's one of the most, actually probably THE most negative person i've ever met and you tell people this and they respond by saying your talking about hippy bullshit or something. "This is the way i am man!" no, it's the way you choose to be. It's gotten to the point where i will just be a cunt to these people so they really get the picture that there is no room in my life for them, its negative as fuck but i'm over it, i don't need anybody to make me happy and if somebody can that's just icing on the cake.
These people are too busy looking at what everyone is doing to them to begin to see that they have been choosing it all along.... They never wanted to see.... it suddenly makes them responseable for themselves.... Which is really what we need.... a world of people seeing themselves for who they are.... rather than looking to blame their lives on anything they can.... We know when we judge ourselves against others we do not get a clear picture.... yet what else have we to judge by.... There is nothing wrong with comparing ourselves... so long as we don't forget we are all flawed...even when we seem not to be.... There is no one way to be.... There is what comes...and how you take it..... All of life is only ever what we make of it....
There are some who's presence is noticed when it is here and when it is not - that is the nature of family. Others, who appear infrequently don't have the same effect, but for me, those who resonate at certain frequencies make a difference just because they do. While it is in the nature of things for people to come and go, and things change all the time anyway, sometimes it's good to choose to be absent for a while, sometimes essential, to put things into perspective that wouldn't get put without it. It's not easy to compare oneself, not easy at all. It can make something seem to be something else, when really it was that all along. We're all attending the same University, but not all in the same class. I may have done classes you've yet to do, and visa versa. Assuming, as many do, that we're all taking or have taken the same classes is where things go awry. Besides, unlike normal 'lessons', each person's class is unique to them even though there are others sitting near them. So the learning that comes is not something the mind has to absorb and remember, but the experience, the unique experience which puts things into play is what matters, and for that, there is nothing to compare it to.
Sometimes I feel crazy. I see others as part of me. They know everything about it. It's me speaking to myself. My subconscious telling me what I don't see with my conscious mind. Making it conscious. Making me more than myself. Us. My relationship with this place has changed. There's been a lot of change around here, and not only with the format. Maybe it's stuff I'm making up in my head. Maybe it's real. I don't know. I just calls it like I see it. Not a bad thing. Not at all. In fact, quite good. As for myself, the past several months on here have been quite different from the first few years I roamed this place. I feel like I'm going back to how I was before I stopped smoking. It's a homecoming in a kind of way. But it's still different. Vibrationally it's been a strange journey. The volatility has subsided some. My hand is steady. My mind is steady.
