When I smoke I feel guilty :(

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by Amanda Spelling, May 3, 2011.

  1. So a few months back my mom caught me (well, I had to tell her because she was going to drug test me to prove to the school that I wasn't doing heroin... long story) and she was sooo disappointed. I know she smoked when she was younger, she's even admitted it and said that I'd probably smoke but to just be safe about it. However, after she found out I promised her I wouldn't smoke any more because I could see how sad she was about it. I suck to that promise for about a month-and-a-half, but now I'm smoking every day again. For a while it was working out fine, I was just chillin in my room or with friends, gettin' high and lovin' life.

    Well anyway, for about a week now I've just felt soo guilty any time I smoke. Like, I just sit there or lie there and just want to burst into tears. If I'm with friends I'm fine until they leave me alone and I'm left to my thoughts, then I sink back into that feeling. It's gotten to the point that I just want to stop smoking so I don't have to deal with it any more. It's not pleasant.

    I'm trying to cut back, like just smoke after they go to bed and after I finish any stuff I have to do, but since I still live with her it just makes it that much harder. Has anyone else experienced this or something similar, or does anyone have any advice?
  2. Maybe you shouldn't have made a promise that you didn't intend on keeping...

    If you want to rid yourself of your guilt either stop smoking, or come clean to your mother and tell her you smoked again. I suggest just stop smoking because you shouldn't break promises, also if your parents caught smoking they would get extremely pissed that you lied and broke your promises to them.
  3. deal with your choices, if you feel guilty come clean and stop. When I first started smoking I'd always look at myself and feel disappointed because I was smoking (I used to be totally anti-MJ and still was iffy about it when I first smoked). But over time I kept on telling myself it was stupid to feel guilty about something that makes me happy.
  4. just stay gettin high and it will be chill man, just keep it low key not high key man
  5. Man, I hate it when people say things that make a lot of sense that I just don't want to hear :(

    Yeah, I should stop though, at least until I move out. To be honest I'm not sure that I will. I feel like I'm going through one of those phases where I just don't care, even though subconsciously I clearly do, otherwise my body wouldn't be doing this to me. Sometimes you're your own worse enemy, right? I'll probably cut way back, stop being so damn risky about it.
  6. #6 Trabado, May 3, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2011
    i know exactly how you are feeling, ive had the exact same situation in my house, i also promised my mom several times i would quit smoking but i didnt and she caught me A LOT of times... and im on my second psychologist because my parents think "i have a problem" but its mostly my mom, and there was a time when i was feeling very guilty and sad for getting high but with time and the shrink i realized i cant stop being who i am for someone else no matter who, BUT if she disagrees you should at least not be smoking inside the house??? not lettin her notice you are high always.. you know stuff like that... i dunno if that helped im hi as fuuuuuu

    this song might be appropriate
    YouTube - Devin the Dude - Do What You Wanna Do (album version)
  7. Well since you broke a promise, its only fair that you own up and admit to it. They will understand and they'll probably be happy that you are being honest.
  8. Yes, I agree, if you want to continue smoking you should really talk to your mom, she can either choose to be supportive of you or not. You should be honest, and tell her how bad this has made you feel. I don't know exactly why she was so sad, but you should show her that you can be a productive part of society while smoking marijuana. That's basically all the advice I can think of if you choose to talk to her about it, good luck.
  9. Seems like your feeling guilty due to breaking your promise,not the weed smoking itself.

    There's nothing to feel guilty about though as far as smoking goes.I don't know where you live,but in CA it's more illegal(and you get in more trouble fine wise)for talking on your cellphone while driving or going 15 mph over the legal posted speed limit.Just keep stuff like that in mind and the fact that nobody should ever be able to tell another person what they can and can't ingest into their own body.
  10. Just tell your mom or quit. Pretty shitty when they think you're straight and you get caught again. If your mom flips a shit, well at least she knows; just keep it out of her sight.

    Seems dumb to tell her, but you'll get caught eventually... and I'm being serious, you will.
  11. Thanks for your help guys.

    I'm going to cut way back, I've decided. I've been stupid about it the past month or so, almost didn't care if I got caught. I'm going to get my grades up, get my shit together, and I think as long as I start doing well I won't feel guilty about it. At least before when I was smoking I was doing really well in school, and even though I knew she disapproved I didn't think it really mattered. Now I'm blowing everything off and basically saying "f you" to the world, so that's probably contributing to my feeling like crap. I'd guess that as long as I was doing well and talking to her, even if she suspected me of doing it again she'd let it slide.

    Thanks again, friends.
  12. Okay, here's your problem: when your blazed out of your mind and having a good time doing whatever (chilling with friends, gaming, etc), its a blast! But when your blazed and alone, you tend to think, alot. You start realizing and feeling things that you dont when your sober. So my best advice is that after your friends leave, start gaming or do something that clears your mind.

  13. That's a really good point, thanks! I do think that's part of the problem, in addition to the sneaking behind my mom's back. Last night I decided to smoke and cleaned my room while I was high. So not only was I high and occupied, I was doing something that would make my mom happy since she's been wanting to redo my room for when I move out. Now she's glad I'm helping out and I'm glad I'm high :hello: I just need to cut back and maybe only smoke when they're asleep or when I'm out, and like you said I'm going to make sure I have activities lined up to occupy my time. :)
  14. Yeah best thing to do is have something to do before you spark it up hehe
  15. feel guilt while smoking? smoke more
  16. Guilt can fuck you up. Learn to be an asshole
  17. #17 jjsmit, May 4, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2011
    this is why i love herb.. when you smoke shit gets to you, it's almost like Mary Jane won't let you be at peace until you solve whats making you feel shitty.

    with alcohol you could give a fuck, infact if your mom calls you out u might mouth off.

    you know what to do bro .. at least until you can talk to your mom about it and she's alright now she knows your not getting in a lot of trouble. If you recently got in trouble as I got the sense you did then stop for a long time until you either realize that it's you who's sustaining yourself thus you who makes the decisions or you talk to your mom and you straighten up enough that she trusts you enough to smoke.
  18. This entire post is about you having a conscience and expressing regret for breaking a promise to your folks. That shows good character for you to admit such but I think you should express your intention with MJ and find a peace with your folks OR KEEP YOUR PROMISE and not smoke.

    Lying is more disrespectful to them then the toking.

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