so i've recently had an argument with the GF over how i'm not as thoughtful as she'd like me to be. i want to be thoughtful, i feel like i am, but i guess i don't know how to show it.what is thoughtful to you guys? didn't feel this is confined to relationships section so i'll throw it in general ------------------------------------------------------------------- so developments (i need some serious advice) , i offered to make her french toast this morning, she said no, so i made some for myself. i then took the last piece to the bathroom and offered her it because i was thinking she must be hungry. she yelled dont come in, and i said just stick your head out so i can give you some bites, and she said no, so i walked away and finished the last piece. keep in mind she was doing her makeup, nothing important that she couldnt open the door for. after she got out, she expressed that she was in fact hungry and was a little mad that i didn't save her the last piece. then i offered to bring her coffee at work, which i did, and when i was talking with her, i was talking about how i need to give her gas money since she's been the one driving lately. and last bit, she was saying how hungry she was, like repeatedly, but i didn't really pick up on it till later, to which i offered to buy her lunch, and she exploded, calling me a dick, saying i try and worm out of anything to do with buying her things. i feel really angry, confused, and hurt. am i in the wrong here? i'll admit i dont really offer to buy her much, but i have been paying for shit like some food (which it turned out she didn't want much of it, so i was the one who ended up eating most of it, since i'm a guy and eat much more than her). things like chicken and eggs. i buy wine for us lots, and she refused to ever pay for condoms. she feeds me lots when i'm at her house, but she pressures me into coming over, like last night i expressed disinterest because i didn't want to get up early and get driven by her since she works super early. she gave me dirty looks until i said i would come over. am i really that thoughtless? she's making it out to seem like i am, and i'm starting to feel really shitty over it. thanks for reading anyone. tl;dr - isn't possible i cant tl;dr, sorry bitches.
Being thoughtful also doesn't coincide with telling other people they aren't as thoughtful as they'd like you to be. Though I wouldn't tell her that, lol, if she's a typical GF, she'll see it as a smart ass remark, lol. Being thoughtful, to me, at least, is having the ability to concentrate and focus your mind on the process of thinking, uninterrupted, and reflecting on a topic in such a way that who you are is expressed in your thoughts. Hopefully that made sense.
did she give you an example? if not, she isn't so thoughtful herself. better to give you an example than to leave you wondering wtf. so right there is an example. be more thoughtful... request. here is an example of what i mean... thoughtful added bonus. now you don't have to read a girl's mind. take that gun and shoot that target. request. oh, you'll probably want these rounds. thoughtful added bonus. now you don't have to go buy some ammo. sure, you can go right into this booth and spank your monkey to the naked girl thru the window. transaction. i left some tissues in there for ya. thoughtful added bonus (although in this case it arguably benefits both of us). i'm gonna fight with you! undesirable situation. i should probably at least try and put myself in your shoes at some point. thoughtful added bonus! maybe you realize you really did fuck up and apologize. (or maybe you realize she's a crazy hoe, and arguably this would be a different kind of positive) i hope that helps
the thing is, i do these sorts of things, but she said the little things don't count with her. she is talking mainly about buying stuff, but i've never been in a relationship with a girl who wanted to be bought stuff and buy me stuff. it's hard to adapt and she's getting frustrated with me
You can't expect someone to be thoughtful. She fails to understand that you are your own person, you don't have the same minds and therefor she can't expect you to have the same traits as her. You said that you think you're thoughtful; well, you probably aren't just super expressive of it. Everybody's different, she should be appreciating that instead of critisizing. I'm guessing you guys are young?
buy her one of those little super-high-maintenance poodles. sounds like she could learn a thing or two ^ doesn't even sound like she's using the word in the right way. "thoughtful" as code for "money-funneling" or something? uf.
like she wants it to be like we're married, like we share our money and shit, she's not trying to take advantage of me, just share. i've never been in a relationship like that before, i'm 19, but she's 22.
Who makes more money? Does she ever give you money, or do you think she'd give you money? Or is it just the other way around? I don't know man, somethings fishy when someone equates thoughtfulness with how much money they can get from the other person.
i am too which is why i'm sort of hurt by what she told me, but i trust her so we'll see how things go. i'll get out if she isn't putting into it, but so far she has been. i need to offer to buy more things i think, instead of her asking me to. i just feel uncomfortable asking myself.
To me, thoughtful is opening the car door for me, giving me your coat if it's cold, let me know if you're gonna be late. I think you are WAY too young to be thinking about sharing an account. I've known my boyfriend for six years and we still have separate accounts and we're both 25. It's up to you....depending on how long you've been dating, how you feel about her... Look up something called the Five Languages of Love. It talks about how different people show affection (physically, through presents ect.). Some people do equate presents with love...if you really believe that this relationship is going anywhere, look at that book.
sorry, she wants a give and take, not share accounts literally. and cool i will check out the book. i feel like the relationship could last a while if things go right, she's really awesome in a lot of areas, just this one we're kind of seeing differently on. i'll check out the book
thoughtfulness for me would be when someone is thinking of the other person/their needs/how they can make every day just a little better for them, and then doing little things to make their day a little better or their lives a little easier. it's technically not thoughtfulness when you both know it's expected/it's not an unexpected little piece of love from you now...gah. but yea just try what i said...sorry if this makes no sense, i'm quite baked
yeah idk how to react to her telling me that i need to willingly decide to randomly buy stuff, like she wants me to offer to get her coffee when i go buy myself food, stuff like that. she doesn't want to ask. is it normal what she's seeking? i feel like it is, but also the way she's going about asking me is really harsh.