We need to talk

I'll keep this as brief as possible.

I previously made a thread about my Grandmother discovering that I've been smoking. If you need background info, that thread is still up.

But anyways, I've been smoking outside in the backyard for the past week. Everything was fine till, once again, she questioned me. "Why've you been going straight to the backroom when you get home?"

I ignored her. It was a stupid question anyways, and I don't see what difference it makes whether I stay in my room, go in the basement, or go to the yard. Who cares? So she's been up my ass about this for the last couple days, and I'm tired of it.

I'm being respectful by not doing it in the house. I just want to unwind at the end of the night once I get off work, is that so difficult to understand? I work full time, go to school, and I've been under so much stress lately that smoking once I get off work is the little thing I look forward to.

I've decided that I'm going to talk to her about it tonight. I just don't know what to say. I'm sick of sneaking around like a child and being evasive about the issue.

Any advice?

 

Bingo.

 

I really appreciate the advice guys. I'll report back and tell how the talk went.

Wish me luck, lol

 

**UPDATE**

I decided to have the talk with my grandmother tonight. Last night just didn't seem right so I'm glad I waited till now. I simply asked if she was going to sleep early tonight and that I wanted to talk to her. She said fine, after she watched the news.

So around 11:30, she called my cellphone and asked if I still wanted to talk, so I headed upstairs to her room. I even took the time to jot down notes so I'd get everything I wanted to say out, but I wound up not reading any of it and just improvised.

We were both in her bedroom, I stood while she was laying on the bed watching TV. She turned it down, and I proceeded. First I apologized for the way I've been acting lately. We've been having a lot of conflict as of late because of her overbearing tendencies, and I took out my frustration and anger out on her as well as other people in my life. There have been times in my life where I was very dependent on others. In 2010, I went through a terrible depression. I had no job, wasn't in school, had no plan for my life. I would sleep on the couch for over 12 hours a day, only getting up to eat and use the restroom. I'm so ashamed of that period in my life, and that is why it makes me so angry when I'm treated like a child or forced to be dependent on my family. I'm in a good place now where I do for myself, and I never want to go back to that. I cannot go back to that.

So enough of my sob story. I apologized for being disrespectful to her, saying things I shouldn't have said. After the apology, I began to get into apologizing for smoking in the house, and that eventually led to us having a conversation about me smoking.

I was very mature about it, telling her straight out the reasons I use marijuana: relieves stress, helps me sleep, it's enjoyable to me. I also explained to her that because she is older and I have become an adult, the things I do cause a conflict between us. It's hard for a parent or family member to see their little girl or little boy become an adult and make adult decisions. But as an adult, I am aloud to make my own decisions, and I just would appreciate it if you would respect that as long as it doesn't affect you, me negatively, or your household. She asked me if I've smoked since the incident (her noticing the smell coming from the basement) and I admitted that I have. I was very honest with her about everything. All she really said, for the most part, is she just doesn't like it. I even asked her specifically what she didn't like, but she couldn't give me an answer. I tried comparing it to my Mother, who drinks. How I don't personally like alcohol, or the fact that she drinks, but I still respect her decision to do so, without questioning why she does so, and continue to allow her to make that choice because she is an adult. She didn't dispute my argument at all to be honest

So the conversation ended with me apologizing again for smoking in the house, but asking her to understand that I am allowed to make my own decisions as long as it's not in her home. She didn't agree or disagree. She simply said she doesn't like it, but has never told me to not smoke, or forbid me to do so, so it's a bit confusing. I thought it was way too pushy to ask, "Well, I'm going to smoke outside, so is that fine?" I figured I'll bring it up again in a few days, maybe longer. She mentioned that my Mom and Aunt want to discuss the issue with me (and maybe some other things, who knows....) so I'll be expecting another convo in the very near future. But for now, I'm just glad I was mature about it and put my foot down in a way. Nothing was left unsaid, and we ended the convo on a good note. She didn't seem angry or disappointed, just neutral so I'm not sure where to go from here, but I'll figure it out I guess

I'll update whenever this Mom/Aunt convo goes down. If I could get through to granny, I can get through to them without a problem (especially since my Mother admitted to using marijuana "not too long ago." Hypocrites, I tell ya lol)

 

Thanks, I hope so too! But we shall see