By Andrew Lisa Source: Daily Journal Although we couldn't find Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden if we attached an $87 billion LoJack to them, at least that evildoer Tommy Chong isn't still smokin'. Chong, Cheech Marin's 65-year-old sidekick from the evergreen '80s movies that bear their names, was sentenced to nine months in federal prison this week for conspiring to sell marijuana paraphernalia. Whew, I feel safer already. If only we could get that Willie Nelson off the streets, then I'd really be able to sleep at night. A generation of bishops who knowingly turned their churches into brothels are free men today because they wear the right Halloween costume and believe in the right God. But it's perfectly logical that there's bed space in federal prison -- the same place we put John Gotti and Timothy McVeigh -- for a 65-year-old burnout whose greatest crime was spilling bong water on the carpet. Those lowlifes at Enron -- George W. Bush's largest campaign contributors -- blatantly stole hundreds of millions of dollars and ruined the lives of thousands of people who worked for them. With the exception of one -- count 'em, one -- B-level scapegoat who got popped last week, absolutely nothing has ever happened to any of those guys and nothing ever will. I guess when liars use stolen money to help liars steal elections, John Ashcroft focuses on more important things like aging hippies selling roach clips. I mean, Tommy Chong? Are you kidding me? And although our brilliant and effective drug laws start in Washington, the trickle-down theory does seem to work when it comes to stupidity filtering down to the county level. Right here in Cumberland County, the N.J. State Police and U.S. Department of Justice run ads that offer $1,000 to rat out someone you know for growing pot. Way to prioritize, fellas. In this state, our county has the second-highest domestic violence rate; the second-highest DYFS caseload; Abbott districts that have to beg for money to do little things like hire teachers; and a zoo that's so broke, the animals have to eat each other. Can someone tell these geniuses there are better ways to spend $1,000 than to catch college kids who read too much High Times? But at least the cops can say these people are growing pot. Chong wasn't a grower, a dealer or even an addict. He runs a head shop, for crying out loud, and he's rotting in federal prison at the age of 65. Bravo, Ashcroft. You must really feel good about using your power to make the world a better place. But as Chong goes to bed tonight in a cage for a crime that has no victims, he should try to look back on his life and reflect on what put him there. It is a shame for people to waste so much time and money over 30 years using drugs as an excuse to ignore reality. But enough about the DEA. Chong will get out in less than a year, and when he does, I'm sure he'll be up in smoke. Complete Title: Washington Cracks Down on Tommy Chong's Internet Bong Sales Andrew Lisa is a copy editor at The Daily Journal. Source: Daily Journal, The (NJ) Author: Andrew Lisa Published: Saturday, September 13, 2003 Copyright: 2003 Daily Journal Contact: djopinion@thedailyjournal.com Website: http://www.thedailyjournal.com/