Twas The Night Before Wacken

A poem I found ages ago and thought the Black Metallers/Metalheads would appreciate it as much as I do!



'Twas The Night Before Wacken'

'Twas the night before Wacken, when all through the street
Not a band was heard practicing, not even a beat;
The fliers were hung in bars with a clammer,
In hopes that 'drummer wanted' would attract Hellhammer;

The bands grew worried as they packed up their merch,
While discussions went on about burning a church,
'THIS WILL NOT WORK!!', Abbath had said
'IT WON'T BRING HELLHAMMER, IT'LL BRING VARG INSTEAD',

With no drummers alive Wacken was sure to fail,
No one would headbang, or shout out a 'Hail!',
Away to their buses the bands shuffled in despair,
Life felt so bleak with no sound of a snare.

The moon on the breast of the frostbitten snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, my wandering eyes had gazed into a region,
And spotted a floating drumkit, and a drunken Norwegian,

I was caught by surprise, and soon began to stammer
'OMG EVERYONE IT'S H-H-HELLHAMMER!'
All activities were dropped, even those who were jackin',
Listened as he shouted, 'I'LL DRUM IN WACKEN!';

"Now! Abbath, now! Faust, now! Fenriz, and Ihsahn!
On! Blasphemer, on! Necrobutcher, on! Host and Jon!
How will I save Wacken with just 2 hands?
I'll simultaneously drum for each of the bands!"

As Hellhammer rejoiced in joining all of them,
He suddenly began blasting at 600 BPM,
So up came the sun and the crowds had poured in,
With 3 days of tr00 metal, 'twas such epic win

When asked if it started, I replied with 'Yup,
And take a look at each band's line-up.'
As I stood there, looking at each of the stages
I wondered if Wacken had been blessed by sages

For not 1, or 2, but 3 Hellhammers drumming,
'How could this be?' I thought as my body was numbing;
The audience moved around as though they were lizards,
As Hellhammer proclaimed 'I AM THE BLACK WIZARDS!'

His wrists -- how they moved! His double bass pounding!
His blastbeats were almost inhuman sounding!
His poor drum kit was taking it all,
While the Metal community was having a ball.

Dissection, Emperor, and Immortal too
All had Hellhammer as a part of their crew;
It wasn't long before the audience saw
The trio of Hellhammers had left them in awe

The mic was cut, the guitar was dropped,
Inno A Satana and Somberlain were stopped
A turn of the neck and many widening eyes,
Would soon find out they were in for a surprise;

Not a word was uttered, not a breath was taken
The bands just stood there, scared and shaken
For the 3 Hellhammers just sat there blasting
The glory of drummers became everlasting

'Twas 3 days later, when the show had finished
And the fear of 3 Hellhammers had diminished,
But as I went to bed, and had turned off my lamp,
I heard Hellhammer yell 'I'LL BE AT METALCAMP!'

 

Teh br00t4lest, grymest, most kvlt Black Metallers EVAR.

And lol@saying Mayhem is a part of the metal underground... Not trying to be an elitist, but come on! They're far from underground xD Les Legions Noir is more underground kvlt than they are.