True Story

My mom just made me some cookies and brought them up to me! MMmmmMM cookies.

Alright here is the real story its long as hell though.

I am living at school, and have a good group of friends.
My roommate who we will call Jason, my two suitemates who we will call Ryan and Spencer.
There is 2 friends in the dorm across from us, we will call them Daren and Brandon.
Another friend next to them who we will call Mike.
2 more friends down the hall who we will call Nate and Steve.

Alright so me and Jason are rooming together and we are really tight, besides my friends from home, he was probably my best friend at school. We smoked, drank, partied all the time together. One problem though i have a girlfriend who lives like 20 minutes away still a senior in High School who we will call K. Never admitting to this, just got the feeling that Jason was jealous of our relationship. On the other hand, my suitemate Spencer used to be in love with her, and I was friends with this kid in high school. Before i knew her i used to try and help Spencer get K to like him (never worked). but anyways Me and Jason bought a vape from eBay over christmas break to use inside our dorm room. We buy it, set it up over break when we chilled, and smoked some buds. Everything was going great when we got back to the dorm.

Every night we usually busted out the vape, a spoof and smoked it up in the dorm. Everything to get rid of the smell lingering we had down to a science. Usually the smoke session consisted of me Nate, Mike, Jason. And on weekends Brandon and Steve joined. Ryan and Spencer don't smoke because ryan wants to join the FBI or something and doesnt want to fail the lie detector test. I dont know anything about that but i am not into pressuring him so i am like cool, if you want to chill in our side of the suite come on in. Spencer on the other hand is a little fucking pussy ass bitch, every time we smoked he always was like "yo you guys, i can smell it down the hall way, and there is RA's coming" just to freak us out cuz were obvioiusly a little paranoid. He also claimed he was "allergic" to smoke but whatever i didn't really like him after i lived with him for a while anyways cuz he lies about everything, and bitches about everything, its like stfu for two seconds.

But anyway, one day i go into Brandon and Darens room, and i see a little tiny plant growing. I was high as fuck, and he is a bio major so i just thought eh its probably for his classes or something since i wasn't great friends with the kid and he didn't appear to be the one to smoke, especially not grow. When he gets back to his room he pulls me and jason into the hall and tells us what it was, we start flipping out like NO WAY thats AWESOME! whered you get the seed? He said it was his friends extra plant and it just started growing like a week ago. I was a noob at this time about growing i only smoked and didnt even consider growing the 5 years i have been smoking. But then a light bulb went off in my head.

I was like there is some Attic space above my room we can grow a whole grow op up there!! my parents never use it becasue its nothing really too hard to get to. But first we had to start out in our dorm until we transfer everything and buy the lights and junk. So me and jason best buds at the time, are like dude were getting some seeds. So we contact my dealer and were like yo do you have any seeds? He says he has about 30 or so saved of bagseed. We say how much you want, and he asks for a 10 and we gladly pay the man. (the trek to his house which is 15 minutes away took like an hour due to a huge fucking storm, while i was baked driving in the city) So we get the seeds, and germinate about Four of them and three hatch eventually. We have tons of solo cups, so we go to the local store buy some powerful organic soil and fertalizer, and were well on our way to having a grow op in our dorm room. Our closets are pretty big enough for three full sized plants flowering. So we had two lamps, after daren moved his plant into our closet as well, and four plants.

At first i accidently dumped water into one of them killing it but whatever we have a lot of cheap seeds, and i expected to screw up a few of them. So we have three plants growing under two less than 100w CFLs. They are actually growing really nicely and quickly and develop form in about a week. Me and jason feel that three plants are not enough, so we decide to germinate about 4 more hoping to get one or two more to sprout. It takes a while but three of the four seeds germinate so we plant them all. We run out to target buy another desk lamp, and two 150w CFLs to help all the plants grow quicker. THey are all growing really nicely Daren's is getting pretty big and it looks good. WHile this whole operation is going on we smoke every single night for aobut 4 weeks until the worst day ever happened. The whole time keeping the grow a secret besides me Jason and Daren.

So me Jason, Nate, and Mike are having a nice toke session out of the vape, and Nate who was my bitch basically, not because i wanted him to be but because he just took that roll. Eventually we started charging people for bowls, since every night for about a mont me and jason smoked everyone up and we were like enough is enough were in our room with our weed and our supplies, we need some cash so we charged nate and mike like 2 bucks a bowl, and they agreed since we presented them with our terms. Its kind of expensive but they got risk free, free bud for a month so i dont think anybody will ever have a problem with that. But back to nate, one time he stuck his hands down his pants and then put his hand on the hose where you suck out of. I see this and i flip on him. I am like "what the FUCK are you doing, that is so disgusting!" i enlighten everybody on the situation of what Nate just did. Joking around i say he needs to order a pizza for everybody. And then everybody chimed in and was like yeah thats gross order a pizza. So we got a chicken finger pizza. (In buffalo best pizza from La Nova's) It came out to be 50 bucks or so since we order past when they closed. So nate not realizing what they said on the phone says okay and gives them directions. When the pizza comes he pays and then gets in a pissy fit, i tell him quit being a bitch he storms off we eat the pizza he cmoes back after he changes his tampon whatever.

These types of events happen all the time with Nate, he is so annoying to be around when high, me and jason decide to raise his bowl price to three dollars. I know a little high per bowl, but like 9 bucks a night off one kid who takes like 3 or 4 rips is solid. Hanging out with him after was finally worth it. Alright the money is piling up quick from charging kids and we decide to buy a half o for everybody with that money and make up "Room Rules" A lot of people are going to be against this but it was just for FUN and to raise money for weed!!!! We thought of a list of like 18 rules (i might post it someone remind me) that if somebody breaks a rule they put a dollar into the fund for weed, and everyone broke rules and put money in and stuff. So that accumulated money even faster, and before we knew it we had a weed empire of growing and money and weed. It was the tits everybody was putting in dollars and everybody was happy in return.

Here is the bad part. DUH DUH DUHHH. One night me Jason Nate and Mike are toking again. and somebody misses the spoof (for people who dont know its a roll with dryer sheets stuffed inside you can use a toiled paper roll or paper rolled up, it works amazing i recommend that every toker that is afraid of getting caught uses this eliminates all the smell like 85% of it if made correctly) I dont remember who missed blowing the smoke through the spoof, but the vape smoke or vapor or what ever is really thin so we never bothered to blow it out the window or cover the smoke dectector then Mike takes a can of lysol and sprays the whole damn room with it, and before we all know we hear a loud beeping of the fire alarm going off!!!!!!!!! What the hell. Its just our room so there isn't everybody running everywhere type of thing. Campus Police have to check it out first. So they are a bunch of fat lazy fuck ferrets, so we have like 4 minutes to clean up. I am in our room scrambling, blitzed out of my mind moving things, while Jason is just like what to i do what do i do. I take everything and move it across the hall into Daren and brandons room. Except one thing the vape! i put that in the fridge, cuz it was first in my hand and i had no idea what to do so i put it there. I got the ligths turned off there was no evidence of anything in our room besides beer in the common room (suites in our campus have a common room) which is where the fridge was.

The night before we threw a little party of BP in our room so we had a garbage can full of beer. I dont drink too much usually i prefer smoking but i play bp and am good at it. but anywhoo Campus PoPo comes up and jason meets them by the elevator, not doing anything to clean up its just me. I eventually run down there to talk to them too. Jason is Fucking retarded and tells them it is burnt popcorn. this is common in our dorms it really is but it is only common when you have a fucking microwave in your room, i mean come the fuck on mother fucking assfuck. Then i go to the bathroom while he tells him this i have had to piss for twenty minutes. and when i come out he goes hey where did you put the burnt popcorn. I think to myself what the hell you said that??? you fucking fuck fuck, fuck you mother fucker (sorry about the fucks this kid deservs it you will see) So i tell the officer i put the popcorn in the trash room, just hoping somebody put popcorn they didnt want in there but nothing. he is like what was really going on in there and i say sir i am sorry i was smoking a cigar. and he is like ahh that smell was lingering a little, can you give me the cigar, and i say i flushed it down the toilet.

So i thought that was over, and i would get cited for smoking inside a slap on the wrist and a few free bowls of weed for putting myself in dangers way. Wrong, he says well now we need to get your hall director about the alcohol, and check your fridge. and then it hits me "OH FUCK, THE VAPE IS IN THE FRIDGE" so the cop is standing at our door in the hallway as his partner and TJ the hall director comes up to our room. He says to open the fridge and sees my favorite piece of all time my vape sitting there, and i am like fuck my life you have to be kidding me. Then another cop comes up to help search the room. I am like crap crap they got me jason and our babies. So eventually after a little bit of searchiing they find them in our closet, and take pictures, make snide and wise ass remarks. Another cop came up this guy was the biggest ass hole ever. The other three were actually pretty straight, just wanted to protect us college kids from being killed since the college was in a not so good part of town. So after they find all our plants they ask us where the weed is, and i say i dont know we got rid of it down the toilet. they asked us seperately and jason says we put all our shit in the other room.

Here is a list of everything I had not him I had in that room. I had my bong a sweet little small plastic one ripped like a champ, my 60 dollar pipe first piece i ever bought, about a quarter of weed, 22 seeds, stems saved up like a mother, vaped weed (which is still smokeable btw) and my grinder, which is a thirty dollar beast that had at least 150 bucks worth of kief in there. Luckily i heard the door close behind me when i went to retrieve the stuff and threw my grinder under darens bed. I gave them everything and felt like i got shot in the chest. After everything was done they didn't arrest us which is why they were chill lol cuz we were in trouble with the school so they were like why bother they will learn their lesson. So we got off.

Okay now here is where you will start to hate these kids (god damn this is so long) Jason supposedly has (anxiety problems) fuck that shit he is just normal. He layed in bed like dude i cant even take this, i am like calm down calm down, so he stayed up all night whining like a bitch. He says lets go see Tj as soon as he goes to work at like 930 or something down his office, so i am like i think we should wait and talk to my dad, who is a lawyer and deals with this stuff all the time. jason is like no it will make me feel better if i go and tell them. Then he says we should say the plants were this random kid which he barely knew. And i agreed and said i would keep the story. jason goes in first and RATS OUT the other two kids who are smoking with us, and he tells me on the way out i am like what the fuck so i have to do the same thing so we dont look like a bunch of liars. So i go in give the story come out, they say we will be contacting you shortly and give you your punishment based on what you told us in this meeting. And i am like what the hell jason after he gets back from a gay ass cry fest with a counseler. and he is like it made me feel better. i am like okay whatever i knew we should have talked to my dad.

Going side track a little, my girlfriend hated everything about smoking, and said if i do it she would kill me and dump me whatever, and i have smoked like everyday for like 2 years of dating and she never knew once. So when we got caught i made up a story to her and said jason got caught and i took the fall for it. So she believed since i was convincing. and then she kept bugging me about how i needed to tell the school the truth and i was just like i cant, so i was in a corner. Eventually the phone call came. like 4 days of agony later, and i got suspended from housing on campus for a fiscal year. I am like fuck i want to dorm next year, i couldnt give a shit about this year. i wanted to be here next year and start over when my girlfriend came. Not because of me but becasue its like the best school around my school. So after this whole thing i played it off like i told the school the truth just to get some time. I was going to eventually tell her that it was me and would rather do it in person, since i didnt see her thursday when i got caught or friday.

THen she is like asking if spencer is okay and stuff, and jason since they are friends too i dont really care she could of had spencer and jason is an ugly fat fuck, so i didnt mind, and then Spencer tells her everything about how i always smoke everyday, how i lied to her about it, how i was growing, and he even tossed in a lie saying that i was laughing about how i was going to get away with her not knowing about it. So she is babysitting friday night and is texting me, after she got off the phone with spencer. She asks for the truth and i tell her i was smoking and i smoke sometimes, once again rather tell her face to face than the text bullshit. Eventually after the kid goes to bed, she calls me and asks for the truth and i give her that same story about me smoking ever so often. She says i knkow the truth and i say what do you mean. She says i know you smoke everyday, and have plants is this true, so i am like yeah... and she hangs up. Then she calls back, saying how she hates me and never wants to talk to me again, which i deserved for lying to her multiple times. So i am talking to my parents about it shed a few tears, and head to tim hortons and the grocery store with my dad to get night medicine to help me sleep.
Caffiene and Night pills not a great combo.

So my phone has been turned off since i talked to her, and i turn it on in the morning. Jason texts me and i get like 4 texts from the night one from her and a couple stray ones that went missing along the way. The texts explains how she vented to jason for like 2 hours last night and how she felt a little better, and a little later in the day i text my gf, and say hey. Eventually she accepts a dinner invitation at my house i dont know why but she does. SO i cook for her we talk about it she cries i cry you know how it goes. Eventually she starts to show how she still wants to be together but i can tell how i hurt her so bad. I never wanted to cuz i love this girl i have been dating her for almost 2 years and she really means a lot and we have had something good going. So the night went better than expected. And i saw her the next day, and went back to my dorm room.

In the letter it said i can appeal the punishment and this is where everything gets downright ugly. So me and jason send in our letters of appeal and this means we can stay on campus until the appeal is over. So thats cool they are cooperating and usually quick with everything, so its not the most painful for us. But i notice something, Jason is starting to leave to go to other rooms, without asking me to come, and closing and locking doors, so i am like what the fuck, i dont say anything cuz i dont like to cause drama in fact i hate drama i just let immature shit like this slide. But our appeal meetings are set for like thursday a week after we got caught. I am the first one to go, we arent scheduled back to back, and we have a three day weekend coming up. So i go in explain why my punishment should be less show i try hard in school GPA 3.0 in tough school, with latin C- , but he is a really nice guy and sees that it was an honest mistake and i am like thanks for reconsidering, i dressed nice got my dads advice and everything. I did a kick ass job in there then i planned on heading to my girlfriends house to keep making things better. I spent a good thirty minutes with her helping her with some homework or something. Then i got a call from the guy we met with. He says he needs to see me immediately.

Before the meetings with this guy i say jason if we keep the same story we have a good chance of staying in the dorms and being put on probation. THen he says i think i should just come out and say the truth, and i say which is what, and one of our friends was standing there, and he said "just admitting to everything" I am like umm no dont do that and he says okay.

So i get this call and i go back to see this guy, and he says what jason says. He exlains jason said that I was the one who made up the story about the kid, he said he was not smoking, he said all of the paraphanalia was mine, and he said the plants were his idea, and that i stole his desk light to use for them without him knowing, or some bull shit extra piece of little information. I laugh at the guy and say you dont believe him do you. And he is rational and he says i needed to hear what you say about in a nice way not a criminalizing way I tell him i stick to the story which jason made up and said he already admitted to that story and he is just throwing me under the bus. I am a qucik thinker when it comes to talking and arguing since my family is just filled with lawyers lol. So i keep it cool and play it off to my advantage.

When i get back to my room i see him standing there i was like "you just fucked yourself over" and proceed to our side of the room and lock it. I call my dad explaining he says i did a great job and explaining how jason is a bitch and a half since he already knew spencer was. Never mind this all happened on a wednesday and we still had thursday of school. but a three day weekend nonetheless. so jason walks into the room, and says "how did i fuck myself over?" with a big grin on his face. i say "fuck you i am not saying shit to you" he walks out, and i proceed to go on a spree of getting all my shit from the common room his side of the room and putting it on my side including a tv fridge etc all heavy shit on a small side of room. After i set everythng up for the night i watched some hockey and jason didnt come back until like two after he went and saw that guy and was like "i am a bitch i will suck your dick" but that didnt change anything. I see that guy one more time, and to my relief he changes my punishment to getting kicked out to the end of this year, and i can come back next year! I was like fuck yeah dont have to see these two mother fuckers again!

Then more stupid shit happened. While i mentioned before everything was getting wierd with him and my friends. He proceeded to tell more lies to all my friends. He says that i am a compulsive liar, i made up everything, i ran the whole operation, and the whole time not saying shit to me, and told them not to say shit to me. And then WORST OF ALL, he texts my girlfriend and says "i am a compulsive liar, dont believe me a word i say, i am the worst person on this planet, for getting him into so much trouble blah blah bullshith bullshit" So i have told her what jason did so obviously she doesnt believe him, but there is a part of her that does so i am like fuck me sideways with a lunchbox, but it blows over no worries

So thursday i got my gf and she wanted to help me move out. She said it would help relieve her stress since she is still hurt and mad and stuff. So i agreed to have her help that ngiht. but as i was taking stuff home during the day, Nate and brandon decide to confront me verbally in my room. They already know i am better at arguing than anybody on this campus, and i am bigger than all of them i would whoop their asses i am 6'4 230 and brandon is 5'11 prolly 140 and nate is liek 6'0 180 no muscle and the biggest bitch alive, i wouldnt just whoop their two asses i would slay them and jason and spencer all in a fight, and i guarantee 99% of people on here actually could beat all four in a fight.

But anywhoo they start by saying somthing about them seeing a retard and they were referring to me and i say yeah i see one too pointing to nate. Then i got them right where i want them. They automatically start shouting i am like hahah whoa hold on one at a time. Brandon you go first since nate is a bitch and nate starts screaming again this kid has some serious anger issues. He cant control him self he keeps slamming the closet door and just yelling. ANd brandon doesnt have anything to say really. THe only thing brandon says, and i mean this is he calls me a pussy and he goes and hides in Spencer and Ryans room, hahaha i didnt say anyhting he is shouting "pussy" behind a wall so i am like victory number one much easier than i thought. So nate starts going on to about how i treat him like crap and make him buy pizza and food all the time. I say no nate i dont make you i ask you to and he is like no you make me and i am like do i hold a gun up to your head or take your cards and pay. He is like but..uh..uh well whatever and starts yelling shit. and slamming shit. Then after somee more arguing he eventually has enough walks out of our side of the room and throws a chair. Victory Number 2. i am going for the knock out punch then he is like yelling from across the room. "you just always ahve to be right dont you" and i am like yeah i do why is that so hard for you to accept he is like i dont know, i was like why cant you just accept the fact that you will never be as good as me, and he said Psh... WHATEVER and stormed out.
TKO!!!! I VWIN I VWIN

I said somehting about being a hustler, and hiim getting hustled by the best along the arguments way, so on facebook, yeah FACEBOOK. Spencer deletes me as his friend lol and then he has a picture of me and him and ryan and he like messes with my picture of me and shit. Then i text all my friends while i see this in class. SPencer hates when people are pissed at him, and i tell them all to leave rude remarks about the picture, and like 20-25 people got in an argument with him saying how he sucks and is immature while i didnt do shit, eventually he deleted the pic, and texted everyone sorry lol. Then no longer tan 20 minutes later that skank put up the same picture just with more shit on it. At this time i was at my friends hous playing bp. so i logged in his account and destroyed Spencer, so spencer took it off and did the same thing by apoligizing. THen guess what yep you guessed it he did it agian. I got him back he took it offf and left it off, what a fucktard.

Then i have to go see this drug counseler and see if i need an evaluation, which it turns out i do. THere is no time table so i was like i will wait until i am THCless which i am going soon, but they will probably still give me like therapy cuz marijuana is oh so harmful.

Now this is the happy ending (i hope you actually read this cuz i put like 2 hours into this) i got kicked out of the dorms now for the end of the semester! so i dont have to live with those fucks, my girlfriend apoligized for overreacting and now is back to normal and she is now going to let me SMOKE with her approval! and possibly try it herself! I knew this would all work itself out. Nate said something about karma coming to get me and i was like ha like its coming for me, in my head and yes it did good karma everything is awesom i am around a couple of my good friends who commute and my girlfriend i can smoke as i please without hiding it, and i get laid a lot more cuz i am closer! life is fucking awesome

I will post when i get drug test results but thanks if you read it all this really changed my life.

If you were wondering my parents are cool with smoking they were not pissed they let me smoke in the basement in our house.

Thanks hope you enjoyed my novel lol Stay Stoned!

 

Dont worry but if you do feel like reading trust me its fucking worth it, but oh well

 

i worked hard

 

Thank you lol, and yes i am an idiot for that but whatever it turned out good in the end
and thanks for reading +rep to you for doing that took me like an hour and a half

 

Yeah tell me about it i mean i thought they were my friends. at least i got all my good friends from home still, they are all local still so i still see them like 4 5 times a week

 

Yeah i was the asshole, but i learned. it sucks cuz honestly we were moving those plants to my attic on the following tuesday. I had a friend who was going to help set up with the electrical and shit. but i learned from lying and i am not doing it again cuz i dont need to anymore lol