To smoke or not to smoke?

Greetings buffers, munchers and lurkers.

Let me start by telling a tale about my life & relations with the herb.

I started in my teens, I'd say I was able to hold my shit together, nothing too shaky or anxious regardless of strain. Life was pretty great with its little high adventures.

Couple years roll by, zit faced me eating junk and doing lil to no exercise my life and attention mainly rolled around weed and video games.

09-10

That path led me into depression, anxiety and what not.. suddenly I didn't feel the same connection with my friends.

I started doing some exercise and eating a bit better.

Late 2010
I lost sense of reality, I was having conversations with god in my mind, still feeling a bit ashamed by this period.

In a nutshell, It ended up with me starting a riot, alone, at 4 am, cops cuffed me, destination mental asylum.

4 days later I awoke in a small room, drugged as fuck. They said I only spoke English.. Fairly strange in Finland.

Got out fairly quickly.

2011

When I got out, I was still fairly stupid and hyper.
Ended up loosing my license because I drove high.
Had to stop smoking to get my license back.

Late 2011

Starting to feel more energetic, not sure if its my improved diet or new social relations. Started to smoke again. Smoking feels great, no anxiety nor depression.

January 2012. Hypomania gone wild.

reefer, alcohol, dumb plans, motor mouth what not. So many stories to be told about this period, but It ended up with lots of social drama and violence.

I decided to go back to mental station. I smoked during the care, was fine, the nurses didn't complain. I think they knew.

Spring of 2012 - Got out, got depressed, by this time i was declared Bi-polar.

Summer/Fall.
Stopped smoking, Haven't smoked for over 150 days, stopped cigs as well.
Started exercise and eating more healthy than ever before.

I only have couple friends I see regularly, haven't been in contact with the rest, and time tends to make it harder to pick up the phone or message them.

So now I am wondering if I should start to smoke again. To see how it feels.

I'm thinking about doing some sort of detox before hand, to see if I get that ideal high that I had when I started.

I'm thinking about doing weight training about 3 times a week and cardio 3 times a week, with niacin and sauna afterwards. I don't have access to dry sauna.

I'm already drinking citrus water and green tea daily, also trying to get my hands on more dark green vegetables like broccoli.

TLDR:

-Sometimes smoking feels great and laid back, Sometimes the opposite.
-Alleged Bi-polar.
-Wat do?

 

Thanks for the feedback blades.

I'm having controversial thoughts about weeds effect on my mental health.
I'd like to think they are separated issues, but then again my past tells a different story.

Also I like to think I could use it occasionally to find different aspects and insight in my life, though there are a lot of alternatives I haven't tried.
Also I love the feeling I get when it works "like it should"

Last time I smoked some cheapish hash, probably didn't do it justice either, but it was far from enjoyable.

Maybe some sort of reward toke after doing tasks of the day could work?

 

I haven't smoked for over 5 months. I'm planning to get myself into peak physical and mental condition before toking again, I was thinking about a getting a gram of good bud and seeing how it feels, If I don't like it I plan to move on.