Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over... I only had one officer Mr. Keg.. Back off Barney, I've got a piece. Want to race to the station, Sparky? I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout! On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack. You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Pussy! Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes! Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen? How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me. Hey officer, is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me? I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special! Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute? Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job! Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated? You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. "Bad Cop! No Donut!" I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars. You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you? "Lets do it different this time... I will give you the breathalyzer test, now stick this in your mouth and blow" Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on "COPS" last week on TV? Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture next to my girlfriend's bed. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket So, uh, you "on the take", or what? Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too! Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little? Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum. When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds? www.lotsofjokes.com
LOL!!!..dont for get this cop: gee son ur eyes look mighty red...have u been smokeing?...kid: gee offcer u eyes look glazyed have u been eating donuts? ps. some thing like that..lol
haha!! It wasn't a cop but one time i was in the garden store looking for some growing substrate all stoned. I was talking to the manager about the different soils and he asks me what i plan to grow. Before i talked to him i made sure i knew what i was gonna say to not sound suspicious, and what i had come up with is "I'm growin some potted houseplants indoors" I looked up and said "I'm gonna grow some mad indoor potplants" Fuck! did i say that? i'm a dumbass! He looked at me, reached down and picked up a bag of mircale gro supergrow soil or somethin and says "Then u need some of this" I must have rode the short bus to school that day, haha.
Excuse me, officer, What is the leagal amout of pot i can have on me before you'll bust me? If you don't give me a ticket, i'll give you an eighth of some good pot. Do you mind if I have a smoke? (pot smoke that is) Officer can you hurry up? I will have this keg empty before i get to the party if you take to long!