There's 2 girls that I really care about and I'm not sure what to do...

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by Fighter, Mar 28, 2012.

  1. Yea so I have 2 relationships that I actually care about and would like to make something out of but don't know what to do so I'll explain them:

    1) Ex girlfriend - Has been messaging me daily, showing a lot of interest and that she cares when we talk, and has honestly been making me pretty happy when we do talk. She broke up with me on impulse and has been trying to be friends and hang out with me ever since but I haven't started a conversation with her for the past 7 months, to this day (Just polite when she talks to me cause I'm not a dick).

    2) Best friend - Use to hang out and blaze every night, always talking to each other and never running out of things to say, and we get along incredibly well. Mid February after I didn't message her for a few days she said she really needed to see me so I went to her house to drink with her. After our friends left she started saying how much she liked me and the she knew I felt the same way about her (which I do) and that we'd make a cute couple. We made out and stuff until she started not feeling well so I picked her up, took her upstairs and kept her company until she felt better and I could put her to sleep, wrote her a note, and went home.

    She couldn't stop saying how sweet I was for everything and was sayin she wanted to chill asap but we didn't end up seeing each other for 2 weeks even though she chilled with a couple of my friends asking about me. She ended up coming over on my birthday and we ditched my friends to make out and fuck upstairs for a good 3 hours till they all left and just slept through the night. We woke up, I made her coffee, had a great talk, hung out with her that night, we couldn't let each other go and we're just incredibly happy together.

    About 2 days after that when we we're at a bonfire with a ton of friends I took her aside and asked her what was up with us and she said she wanted to just be friends and not complicate things because she just got out of a relationship and didn't wanna just have a fling or something short-lived because she felt that it would actually work out.

    We don't talk anywhere near as much as before, honestly it's a little depressing to feel like you've just lost your best friend regardless of the fact that I never actually said that I wanted a relationship or was the first one to say anything, she brought it on me(only reason I'm bringing this up is because every relationship I've had started this way).

    ---

    So I don't know what to do, I honestly love my friend but she has her own issues that she said her self that she doesn't want me to sympathize with so there's obviously no point in forcing anything. At the same time I really care about my ex girlfriend but I don't know if it's a good idea.

    Not to mention my ex's friend who keeps trying to hook up with me and my brothers ex-girlfriend (we started being friends and talking)who said she wanted to go out with me and stopped talking to me after I basically said "uhh no... you dated my brother...so no" in a more considerate way though.

    Fuck I gotta meet someone new. I've only gone out with one girl that I completely didn't know before (a new receptionist at my gym) and to meet someone like that again seems like it would take some time naturally or I gotta start going to a bunch of places with that as my goal...

    dammit relationships are frustrationg, I'm gonna pack a bowl and think about somethin else :smoke: anyone that cares to read though please leave some advice. I just felt like having a few opinions on the matter could influence some better decisions to come out of me.

    tldr: There are a few girls who want to go out with me but the one girl I actually wanna go out with, who likes me as well, is having a hectic life right now that only seems to be getting worse and doesn't want anything atm so I don't know if I should just give up completely and meet someone new, give me ex a second chance, or try with my friend who doesn't know what she wants.
     
  2. Take the friend, unless you don't want to risk ruining the relationship.

    Ex's are bad news bears. It's been 7 months, you were dumped, are you sure you're not just focusing on the good aspects of your old relationship? Cause she didn't just "do it", she had a reason for ending things and not talking to you for 7 months. That shit is shady. Period.

    I think if you wanna add banging to your friendship and see how things pan out I'd be all for it.

    But I think you should friendzone the ex and pursue new pussy.


    Easy to understand?


    But I guess any option here would be a risk so maybe just lay low. Ya dig?
     
  3. best friend

    keep talking to her and spending time with her

    shes your best friend, right? just minus the making out and fucking until the shit blows over

    she will be all over you soon, but you have to be in the picture, so keep chilling with her
     

  4. About the ex thing, she's actually been talking to me consistently for the past 7 months since the day we broke up, honestly wasn't a time we didn't really talk. The part about our relationship that tripped me out was her breaking up with me when she got back from her trip before even seeing me. (Just gonna take that as a huge red flag right there)

    You're definitely right about me only looking at the positives and suppressing the negatives though. I guess my mind is just trying to ignore that so I'm happier in the time being.

    I think the laying low may be the best option if I don't get any more bitchy calls about ignoring people :p

    And about taking the friend without ruining the relationship, I don't know what I can do at this point since its mostly her shit right now. I feel like anything I do right now will just push her away so I'm trying to be very careful about that but we definitely don't have the same friendship we use to.

    Honestly I just miss having someone I can care about as much as I want, having someone care about me is just kind of a bonus in my mind so that's probably why I'm still talking with my ex. I like seeing people happy and that gets me in trouble more than being a dick has ever done :p
     
  5. Dude, keep your pimp hand strong. If you get bitchy calls lay down the law.

    "Don't call me with an attitude"
     
  6. I agree with GirlyS. Forget about your ex. There's a reason she's your ex. And I honestly think she was talking to someone else and then it didn't work out so she went back to you. I could be wrong, but the behavior is VERY familiar.... I used to do that when I was younger. I also used to do that when I lost interest. Whatever was going on with her was shady like girly said.

    I think you're friend likes you and wants to be with you, but she doesn't think she's good for you. She thinks she has too much baggage and she'll bring you down. If you think you guys could really work and you really want to be with her then I say you sit her down and talk to her about it. Tell her you dont care about her issues, you just want to be with her blah blah blah...

    If not your friend then yeah, I say you find a girl that you dont know or just dont even trip off females for a while. Dont go back to your ex though man. We all do it when we know we shouldn't and it never works. Unless its been a few years or both people do a lot of growing in a year. But any thing less then that it'll just be the same relationship as it was before.
     

  7. Good advice. Talk to her. She's probably worried about losing you as a friend, because like you said, relationships are complicated.

    The difference is that the two of you were best of friends before you got into a relationship. You know each other. There's more than just a physical attraction between you two. That's the key for any relationship that's going to last. It sounds like, from what you've said, that she's afraid of screwing something up and losing you as a friend. Tell her that you want her, and she wants you, and depriving each other of that because you're afraid of what might happen is foolish. If it doesn't work, then it wasn't meant to work. But you'll never know if you don't give it an honest try.


    ///M
     
  8. I personally wouldn't want to lose a best friend.
     
  9. I've been in a situation like that before.

    Didn't end well. :confused_2:
     
  10. Sounds like your best friend doesn't want to be with you buddy; she used a textbook easy-letdown.. All I see on the table for you is your ex.. If you really want to go back to an ex
     

  11. Exactly. And I agree about tne being friends first and having a lasting relationship part. I believe that's what's most important, being friends first. Those are the best relationships in my opinion.
     
  12. The type of problems most guys would love to have.
     
  13. I'd say just by the amount of detail you shared about the friend compared to your ex that you should try to make things work with your friend.
    Good luck man.
     

  14. The sad part is I don't think there is any going back at this point, what happened happened and the issue is how we move on from it. I'm hoping closer together as opposed to further apart.


    I'm fine with this but the only point that would have me think otherwise is that she was the one who said she liked me, said we'd be a cute couple and that she could see us being together for a long time, she was the one who came on to me, and all during this time I only agreed with what she said, I haven't said I felt or wanted to do anything other than what she said.

    It's pretty depressing to lose a friend because she isn't sure what she wants.
     

  15. Well based on what you've said, it sounds like the friend wants to be more than that. Like I said, it seems like she's scared of a relationship because generally, when you break up with someone it's hard to remain friends with them. There are exceptions, but they're fairly rare in my experience.

    Just help her build her confidence in the relationship back up. Tell her that you like her enough that you'd like to give it a try and that if you don't you'll regret it. The saying I like is "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

    ///M
     
  16. Tell her that if she feels that way about you then you might as well just call it a relationship. Just because you're going out doesn't mean it has to end messily, look at you and your ex. Hell if you like each other that much maybe you won't end up breaking up at all.

    You said you guys have banged already. Relationships with sex usually turn out better than being friends and fucking.

    But yea reassure her that you can still be friends during/after you go out and that's not going to change. I have an ex that I'm still friends with, we hang out and talk with no problems. Maybe a little jealousy here and there but I'm usually a really jealous guy.

    Is she just afraid of commitment? Of getting hurt? Both?
     
  17. You seem to be in love with the bff. I'd get more aggressive in pursuing her. We don't like laid back. We like being wanted.
     
  18. Bro......you just didn't crack it right. If you two fuck, and from "we'd make a cute couple" she goes to "let's just be friends" then you definitely didn't pipe her down like she was expecting....

    so here's two things you can do from this point: chill with her, but not as the "best friends" yall always were, but rather, you have to seem like youre confident and youre gonna win her over no matter what her problems were....then maybe one night when y'all drank a lil more than you should, she'll give you your shot at redemption.

    option number 2 involves sayin fuck these bitches, and focus on yourself (i.e. get your money right, go to the gym, and just generally take it easy and clear your mind so that YOU don't seem like the one thats fucked up with a ton of baggage to the next girl you try to get with).

    Stay Up, don't let women and their bullshit drama knock u out of sync cuz that's all they want, they're life is a mess and the only power they really have is to DRAG YOU DOWN WITH THEM, until they are old enough to get their shit together and become successful, and when they are successful they are going to want a man that is too, so you might as well get a head start on that.
     
  19. It's called rebound shit, a girl breaks off with her ex and swings to the next guy; strong feelings and getting fast physical aren't uncommon. I mean you might can still pull her but you're in the friend-zone presently. If she really saw the next greatest thing in her life do you think she'd pass it up? Don't bet on it! But sounds like you were submissive if you agreed with everything she said, girls have doubts, don't reinforce those doubts if you want to keep things rolling.
     

  20. Two things: I fucked her until she couldn't take it anymore and I've had some comments about that from her friends so I know that isn't it. Also we we're still doing shit after that.

    Apparently she made this decision after she talked to her best friend who also just got out of a relationship. From listening to both of em talk it sounded like she just doesn't want a relationship right now because she just got out of one and her friends kind of cementing that in saying they both need to be single for a while.

    We still talk and when we see each other it's like she doesn't know what to say or how to greet me, just kind of waiting to see what I'll do. I guess my problem was trying to bring her back in instead of pushing us apart if she's scared of commitment right now.


    I guess it's because we both know how we feel about each other. Also I think I omitted something that might have been important:

    1) She didn't want to be with her last boyfriend 2) They broke up and she was trying to see but he still got in the way, they had a fucked relationship that ended badly 3) they got back together and we hooked up after that 4) Then they broke up and she had a bunch of shit to deal with during the next week or so 5) then we hooked up on my bday and the day after 6) Then she spent the next few nights with her friend 7) and then I had that talk with her

    When we weren't really talking before we hooked up she told my friend that she didn't want a relationship at all and just wanted basically friends with benefits. Apparently she would rather us have a real relationship instead of a short fling so she wanted to wait till she was ready for one.

    I guess I was deciding if I was gonna wait or not. Oh and by wait I don't mean do nothing, there was a reason we went from not talking at all, to really good friends, to hookin up and shit so I was just gonna try and redo that, to put it simply :p
     
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