The Worst Experience of My Life

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by wellwhatisyouat, Oct 2, 2010.

  1. #1 wellwhatisyouat, Oct 2, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2010
    Marijuana is no longer for me. Some perfect alignment of my mind's flaws and weed's power has resulted in some undesired effects.

    I could write pages... but I'll try to keep it short.

    So I loved smoking. My first 20 or so times, it was great. I loved listening to music, playing music, talking, hanging out, driving, eating, everything. Then, gradually, and without me noticing it at first, the experience changed.

    I won't go into great detail about the individual highs leading up to my Worst Experience, but they were increasingly negative. One time, I thought I might have been experiencing a heart attack, but then quickly realized my foolishness; another time, I thought I was retarded, but then got over it, although not as quickly. One time, I thought that we experience the effects of smoking weed because weed slowly breaks down the mind, and the high is simply a side effect during the mind's desperate struggle for survival. Paranoia.

    The last time I smoked was an unbelievably horrible nightmare overrun by irrational, paranoid thoughts.

    I was spending the night at a friend's house. There were 3 of us there. I was enjoying my high until I laid down on a bed. In hindsight, all that happened that night was: we listened to some music, talked, and went to bed. But in that night, I experienced otherwise.

    I was slowly persuaded, by myself, that I was a completely different person. I previously thought that I was a smart, okay, nice, chill, alright person. By the time I went to bed, I thought: "I am a social retard. People sometimes hangout with me because they feel sorry for me. When they do hangout, they make fun of me upfront, testing my intelligence by seeing if I will ever catch on. They act like me in front of me, seeing if I will realize what they are doing. This entertains them enough to barely tolerate me following them around. Also, they suspect that I am gay. They leave me alone with others in a room to see if I will make some move. The band I am in is a joke. I am hilariously bad at my instrument, but they keep the band alive to be nice to the retard me. I always ask if we will play shows, they say of course, some day, but we never will. I just realized I'm retarded. I still know that I am academically smart (even in this state, i knew my SAT scores were real), but retarded in every other way."

    Everything that I saw, everything my friends did, in my mind, supported this hypothesis. The evidence seemed overwhelming; I should have realized it earlier.

    The worst experience of my life.

    It took me not until the next morning, but until the morning after that to get rid of these awful ideas.
  2. It's just a little introspection. You can overcome it. Maybe you were smoking too much.
  3. well sounds like you have major paranoia going on.maybe it could be pre-existing? usually the herb reveals yyou to yourself i suggest you find a place where your comfortable and feel safe, a stress free environment have a nice toke with a close friend. Also diffrent strains can cause more paranoia then other strains. Remember mate its all in your head
  4. dude ive smoked since i was 9 and my worst paranioa was getting caught from my dad so i ran in my room and went to sleep lol like 4 weeks after i started
  5. Shit man, I've had some of these thoughts way before smoking weed. Sometimes the weed even brought back these thoughts, but to a new level (basically what you are talking about). The only thing you can do is think rationally. Sometimes it's hard to do when under the effects of a mood and mind altering substance. The only way to overcome it is through your own willpower.
  6. Dude OP should never trip balls
  7. I've had something similar, but I just laugh it off. It's not the truth, its just the buzz. Never had it since.
  8. sounds like you have schizophrenia my friend, see a doctor. Its controllable.
  9. Um, do you even know what schizophrenia is? :mad:

    I have schizoaffective disorder (similar to schizophrenia), and nothing the OP posted even remotely relates to that. Schizophrenia involves serious delusions, such as thinking your being persecuted and/or monitored by organizations, usually the government, and also a severe lack of connection with reality.

    The OP is most likely suffering from depression or social anxiety disorder (probably the latter). While I appreciate your advice to him in seeking professional help, you can't just go around diagnosing people without some extensive traditional education (like a degree) or first-hand experience. Please be more careful in the future.
  10. yeh i've had that, youre just reading into things too much, and ppl can tend to be pretty mean when theyre baked without noticing that theyre doing it.

    if your friends didnt like you they wouldnt want to see you so they'd tell you theyre somewhere else other than ur usual hang out spot so that you wouldnt try to come and see them, and they wouldnt reply to your messages/texts at all

    so dont sweat it

    and plus you shouldnt care what anyone thinks about you
  11. That's a shame, dude. I've had similar thoughts like that before. It's all in your head, though. If you want to, you can make up a million negative things about yourself. The thing is, if you think that those negative things are true, then you start acting like they are true, and so in time, they become true. Best thing to do is just not think negatively; have some confidence. Fuck those deconstructive thoughts, they're worth nothing. Just be yourself - if people think you're a retard, let them. Just be free.

    Really doesn't sound like schizophrenia.
  12. Some people have to pay for that...
    To the OP, if you can't handle cannabis don't consume it, it's not for everybody.
    I have a buddy that snorts mad amounts of blow when we go out drinking but wont take a hit of weed if you payed him to.
    To each his own, can you dig it?
  13. Pay for what?

  14. I have a tweaker neighbor that pays for that type of shit.
    I'm just saying, in no way am I trying to make light of schizofrenics just stating a fact.
  15. LOL Alright that joke went completely over my head.

  16. made me laugh, werd up tho. I would stick to the ganja at most buddy. Get this guy on some DMT and all hell would break loose upstairs for him.
  17. You think you're out of the woods yet? Those are classic schizophrenic delusions brought to the surface by weed. You gotta see a doctor now.
  18. Ok i wrote a really long post but deleted on accident...

    cliffs: you're not schizo but do have anxiety and could break down with a mental disorder if you keep letting this shit affect you so much. take pride in your intelligence and don't let it hamper you like many do who become introspective and closed to society because they don't feel like they belong. you do belong. Your friends are not testing you unless they are 5000 times as fucked as you think you are. Good luck OP and don't give up on the herb. YOU CAUSED YOUR SPIRALING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, nothing else did, and it sure as hell wasn't the weed.
  19. you sound like a weak mind. stay off drugs, you will only become a statistic.
  20. If you had such a terrible experience, why did you bother registering an account on a pro-cannabis internet forum? You couldn't possibly have an agenda, could you? :rolleyes:

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