The Shit List

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by AmsterdamdreamN, May 2, 2003.

  1. Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...

    Ghost Shit
    You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

    Teflon Coated Shit
    Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

    Gooey Shit
    This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

    Second Thought Shit
    You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize've got some more.

    Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
    This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

    Bali Belly Shit
    You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

    Right Now Shit
    You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

    King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
    This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

    Wet Cheeks Shit
    This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

    Wish Shit
    You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

    Cement Block or Oh God Shit
    You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

    Snake Shit
    This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

    Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
    Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

    Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
    You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

    Beer Drunk Shit
    This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

    The Frightened Turtle
    The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

    The Bungee Shit
    The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

    The Ring of Fire Shit
    The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

    The Crippler
    The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

    The Big Bobber
    The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

    The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
    The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

    The Incredible Hulk Shit
    The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

    The Jack the Ripper Shit
    The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

    The Party Pooper
    The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

    The Toxic Gas Shit
    The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

    Dirty Bowl Shit
    The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

    The Windy City Shit
    When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

    Oh Shit! Shit
    You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

    The Never Ending Shit
    It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    Ouch That Hurt Shit
    The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

    Sorry if this has been put up before
  2. Hahahaha LMAO!
  3. LMAO....i've not laughed that hard in a long time......the "incredible hulk" out.......Sid
  4. haha, i saw that on a poster at spencers a couple of times, but you forgot one

    The CORNY shit, = self explainitory!

    that one was on the shirt at spencers, you forgot that one! hehe:)

  5. LOL!! Believe it or not, I had that poster ( with the matching "Fart Chart" ) hanging in my bathroom before my girlfriend moved in! LOL! I seen this, and had to put it up here though, I figured some of them were kinda new. I think the " This usually happens at someone else's house" is what killed me.
  6. pooper...hahaha :D
  7. Heheheh...that was funny, especially the ones that happen at someone else's's so true!
  8. wow people have alot of time on there hands :p
  9. Thanks dude,

    my morning didnt start so well and this pretty much bumped me up 10 knotches..
  10. jesus christs, lot of different types of shits lol
  11. thats the shit.

    whoever wrote that is one sick individual.
  13. Thats awesome!!!! ROfl!!!
  14. you forgot the Hershey Squirts. thats when its comes out half chunky and half chocolate milk. and it usually splashes

    also the bender shit- the shit that is just big enough to not fit in the hole and when it goes in sideways it bends and leaves an unsightly brown mark in the bowl.
  15. omg, I really needed that, ty. I'm still laughing.
  16. i ALWAYS get the Snake Shit when i have the munchies and eat too much right before i go to sleep and take 3 snake shits in the morning
  17. haha this thing is fucking funny as hell. The funniest are the

    Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
    Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

    Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
    You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

    haha reading this list actually made me have to take a shit, ill check to see which one whem im back LOL
  18. I went on a road trip with my now ex this summer. I got to meet two of her friends I only knew from talking to online. Well the one guy had to move into a new apartment, so we took three cars, loaded them up and drove out to his apartment and helped him set up, had a few beers, cooked a home made meal, and sat around playing munchkin. We're getting ready to go to bed, everyone is waiting to use the bathroom, as I'm brushing my teeth the urge comes on. I sit down, drop a load, and flush. My adrenaline starts to pump, and my pulse starts to quicken as the shit goes no where, and the water starts rising. I yell out, "god, oh god, not now, FUCK". My ex knocks on the bathroom to try to figure out what the hell is going on, and opens the door to me using a cup to bail out the toilet into the bath tub to keep it from overflowing. My ex looked at me with her mouth hanging open, looked at the toilet, and walked out. I think this is what started our relationship rolling downhill. :D

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