I haven't posted on GC for a year now I think. I tried to stop smoking weed, it was destroying me. It was inhibiting all my anxiety and stress to escape, and would rather be contained within a vessel, with a tight lid screwed on its top. Waiting for the explosion. I was never able to stop, when things went great in my life, I would indulge in my small vice, and smoke a joint. One turned into two, two into three, once a day became twice and thrice a day. When things went bad, i would console myself in it. Once your world is perceived through emotions that are not yours, but rather through the creation of the substance I adored so veraciously, you make decisions that have no relation to your actual envy or ambitions. You stop being yourself and become a monster. A monster with no purpose or taste buds. The flavour of life escapes from you, only to be, for an instant, captured in that dense smoke inhaled from the tip of a burning joint. For an instant, you become yourself, your intelligence and imagination is once again running in full gear. You see yourself laughing, interacting with others. Feeling loved by others. Feeling like you can love them back too. Slowly the light shrivels, the once strong, near blinding happiness leaves for a dim alley, where you are alone walking, humidity shanking you through your heavy cloths, water running in-between the cracks on the uneven ground. Stumbling. Trying to grasp that last shed of light. You give up and reach within your pocket. Sparkling goes the apparatus, light and warmth engulfs your hand as you protect the precious, and once more, the thick smoke goes through you. Darkness turns to Light, sorrow to happiness. I am addicted to this. Will I ever break free?
Have you considered identifying what disease process you are self medicating with cannabis? Loss of sense of taste and depression are significant symptoms. Medscape: Medscape Access
Depression I got and Severe Anxiety... Some days I won't even smoke weed i'll feel so shitty....Like today...Feel like complete shit.
Write more things down man you have some creativity waiting to be freed. I don't smoke weed anymore, but it didn't stop my depression. I still hate my guts, I just hate myself more clearly now. I was actually happy though at one point. I got on a bus and ditched it three days later. Travelling helped me.
I feel you; I've had to battle severe depression, but more-so anxiety these past years. I just don't understand, you wrote such an astonishing poem and see that this is your life; why don't you change it? I feel like you're blaming mary, when really it isn't. I've had friends in the same exact position; currently have one there now. Be stronger, relate more to MMJ. It's not an escape, it's a blessing, a reward, for you doing in life. It obviously helps you if you turn to it, just don't be so dependent upon it, you are you man.
You will break free bro. I think that life is a lot like a bike- you need to keep going forwards, or else you loose momentum and fall over. If you're doing enough and your life is moving forwards, then you should a) have too many commitments/not enough time for your weed "addiction" to cripple you. My advice is to look at what areas are lacking in your life, address those as best you can, or at least try to make some moves in the right direction, and let happiness follow. Another tactic I use when I am anxious or depressed is to just take a minute to just look around me- when I realise that the problems I am facing are in no way life threatening, and they will not seriously alter me or my immediate surroundings, I realise that everything is probably ok. I have suffered from bouts of depression, and I find that fixing the underlying issues, no matter what they may be, is the solution. Weed just helps mellow me out. I am one chilled as fuck dude. You seem to have reasonable linguistic ability. I am sure you will make it buddy. Peace out.
Thanks for all the replies, this was written in one sitting, on a very bad day! Some of your answers were food for thought, thanks again. Elend.
damn, if i didn't know what substance that was written about i'd have guessed that charlie sheen. i'm quitting dabbing today for about 2 weeks, we'll see how that goes...
Have you had at least your thyroid and B12 levels checked? I was happy to discover recently that the VA (government hospitals in the US for retired military) are now checking everyone who comes in with depression/suicidal ideation on their B12 status. Its about time that became routine.
Oh shit, sure everyone is all depressed and what not. Just quit bein a bitch, smoke a bowl and get ur shit done. Being depressed is not an excuse for anything. Try living with bipolar disorder and refusing the medication because of side effects. My condition makes me UNABLE to control my emotions, and I can't do shit about it. But I still get up every fuckin day, put my pants on one mother fuckin leg at a time, and I get my shit done. I go to a state university full time and I work full time. You bet your ass I go batshit crazy every couple of weeks, but thats the cost of doing business son. Deal with it.
Have you tried any alternative medicine solutions such as consulting a Natropath? BIPOLAR DISORDER Managing cholesterol is one thing they suggest which sounds interesting. New links between cholesterol and depression in the elderly
I will assume that you are in a bitchy mood to write such a thing. One knows nothing of my life, one should keep it to himself. @tharedhead Actually I'm french Canadian, so I don't think I can get tested with whichever federal instances you mentioned. As of so far, I've been concentrating on training very hard to use all the energy which is, it would seem, feeding my anxiety.
wow after reading that article im almost positive i have Dysosmia. I always smell something that i know iv smelt before, but i cant identify it. Also sometimes i cant really smell much, it seems i would be able to smell something with alot more sense, but it seems its just not as strong as it used to be in my early teenage years.
Smell and Taste Disorders: A Primary Care Approach - January 15, 2000 - American Academy of Family Physicians
quit being a bitch? you just wrote all of this and then gave a half ass apology stating how you won't delete it. Your ego is large to think you understand someones problems. There are people in much worse situations than yours, so stop acting like you rule the fucking world because you do the shit everyone else does. Some people....