I would like to speak a little bit about the concept of being "alone". I wrote this primarily for my age bracket (18-27). I don't know if its because I'm getting older or because its getting more prevalent, but I'm hearing about this "issue" with increasing frequency. Being alone is something every person must come to terms with at some juncture in his or her life. Your friends won't always be around. Your family won't always be around. Your significant others won't always be around. Thus, this is why it is important to love thyself always because, well... You're all you got. We have cellphones, instant messaging, chat rooms, forums, online gaming... Yet still in the midst of all this interaction with other living human beings, we find ourselves utterly - alone. At the conclusion of the universe's most absolute, inescapable, quintessential truth. Even with this realization, with this newfound freedom of choice there are many among us that toss and turn in bed at night wondering if he/she will ever come. A friend of mine and I were having a meal the other day (one of the catalysts of this post) and we were discussing the future and college life so far. I have been extremely proud and satisfied of what I have accomplished in my three years here. My friend on the other hand views his college experience as a complete failure. "Do you ever get the feeling you'll be alone for the rest of your life, F?" "Um...no? It's not really something I think about." "Well, of course you wouldn't think about it." "Why's that?" "Cause you're you. You've had girls. I haven't had any girls. I'll never get a girlfriend at this point. I've just given up on it all. Some guys are blessed with the skills, I wasn't. I'm still a virgin at 21 years old, F. I've failed. I've failed college life. My whole life is a big giant failure, man." I was flabbergasted. I could not believe the drivel spewing from this guy's mouth. I was boiling with rage, I wanted to smack him. He kept on and on for about three minutes about how he will be forever alone. This guy has had everything handed to him in life. Wealth, privilege, good fortune. Now, we are about to graduate from one of the most prestigious schools in the country, no in the fucking world and he is too preoccupied with not having stuck his penis into a vagina to realize that. There are motherfuckers out there that would kill for this shit. Literally kill for this shit. The world is about to be his fucking oyster and he's too concerned with being a virgin to realize it? I had to get up right there. I made some bullshit excuse about having to do homework and I left. I couldn't take it. He's not the only one I've heard. I've heard this sentiment from attractive girls as well who have never gone on a date or had a boyfriend or whatever and they're saying that they'll never be able to have a family and they'll become a spinster with cats. What the fuck is this shit? Has the world gone mad? Why do people want to be alone? What is the preoccupation with this? Listen. Most people in this world do not end up "alone". We are born alone, we die alone, but we live among men. Many people have multiple partners throughout life. The people that end up being virgins or whatever well into middle age usually have some mental problems, physical disabilities, or have some area of their life that is usually out-of-touch. Most normal human beings have relationships and have good ones too. I know what you're saying. "F., I've never had a relationship and I'm X age." Ok. So what? You gonna fucking cry now? If you really want someone, you will make it happen. If they don't like you, fuck it. Oh well. Order up, number 3,399,999,999. Seriously. Fuck it. There's so many people out in this world. You might be one of the people that never finds someone. Is it worth throwing your life away because you have a partner? No. Do you have more free time? Yes. Do you have more funds? Yes. Do you have the liberty to go and do what you please? Yes. Instead of moping all day about how no one loves you, get off your ass and do something positive. Start a business. Travel. Help build a home for a family. Do something. Sexually frustrated? Masturbate like its your last day on Earth. It gets the job done. It works doesn't it? Doesn't it? Good. Not everyone is alike. This isn't Disney where every story has a happy ending. We all know that. Life is a fucked up plane of existence. However, you need to make sure that you are comfortable being with yourself and only yourself because then you'll derive happiness. It's not about being a jerk or being an alpha male or a beta male. Why change yourself in such a drastic and negative matter in a feeble attempt to acquire sex? The concept in and of itself is illogical. People are so afraid of being alone and without sexual fulfillment that they will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. Just live. If he/she comes along, great. See how they can be a beneficial supplement/addition to your life. If he/she doesn't come along, fuck it. Keep rolling. Being comfortable being alone is a lot easier said than done but in the end, the rewards are much better than work put into it.
If you dont have the problem that alot of guys have with getting girls then quite simply you just dont understand. Give your buddy a break he really wants someone in his life to love, fuck, talk to but he just cant get it. Its called being "love-shy" and it doesnt mean one is mentally unstable or stupid it means some guys just cant get girls and if they do they cant keep them long enough to start a family and etc. In my opinion finding a woman that I can truly say I love and starting a family with said woman would be the greatest thing to happen to me. It hasnt yet but you get the point. Its something I thinka bout a lot and im sure a lot of guys do too, so why bag on them when they tell you that they're alone? Life isnt movie man its not easy and neither is picking up girls for some guys. What I dont agree with is settling with being alone if you tuly believe you dont want to be alone. Keep trying and trying and trying and trying.
There's a huge difference between want and obsession. It's natural to want a girfriend. It is not healthy to obsess over. I don't care how you slice it or spin it, it just isn't. Shit, I want a girlfriend. But am I obsessing over it? No. I'm "bagging" on him because he has so many opportunities in life but all he does is obsess over virginity.
If you were a virgin you would understand OP. He may be a little over dramatic but he just wants some poon and I don't blame him.
So do I. That was a great post man. The reason people have problems with this is because they don't love themselves before they go out and try to love others. You will always find flaws if you skip that step. If you dont like yourself, chances are people wont like you either. Ever been talking to someone who's incredibly self-conscious? It sucks. It's depressing. It's life sucking. Ever talked to someone who's extremely comfortable with themselves? They're fun to be around, they make you feel comfortable, and you get more out of them than anyone else. If your not okay with not having a significant other, you might want to take a look at you being okay with yourself first. True story.
I guess it is a good post..but to be critical, you kind of sound like a bad friend. You may have been outraged from his rant, but a friend would maybe give them a few words of advice. You kinda just left him hanging...he was telling you that because you are his friends and he feels you would be the person to talk to about it..
Thank you. Someone gets it. You know, without proper context I do seem like a dick. However, I feel like I have a right to be somewhat irritated. This isn't the first time we've talked about this subject. We've discussed this at least ten times. The first couple of times, I was like "cheer up, bud don't say that" and "c'mon man, don't be like that" etc. Then when I was around females I was interested in, he would make snide remarks such as: "I hope you know you aren't F.'s only option." "Oh you look so nice, how many hours in the morning does it take you to put on makeup?" Or he'd look up in the sky and be like: "I wonder what daddy would have to say about your behavior at college?" I think you get the point. He's bitter, insecure, and clearly unhappy with himself. I'm tired of holding his hand and putting up with his shit. I've tried to set him up but the girls I try and steer him into don't like his attitude and personality. However, I would like to steer this conversation AWAY from my friend. This thread isn't about him. At all.
Women is a huge priority in any mans life man you can put it how you want it but not every guy will have the same mentality as you. Yes you can forget about girls and go out and get a career and make money and shit but then what? Your still alone and your still as miserable as you were before. Your friend has reason to feel the way he does man. Theres a HUGE peace of the puzzle missing in his life and you should be more of a friend and at least give him some kind words not just walk out in the middle of a conversation.
You clearly didn't read my last post. Anyway, the gist of this thread is be comfortable with who you are, blah, blah, blah. My friend is not. End of story. I don't see why you think a career and making money are the only two (or one) "alternative" (if you can even call it that) to companionship. That's pretty one-dimensional, dude. There's a lot of people that derive happiness from being alone. Just in case you never find the one you're looking for, you need to be comfortable with that.
Going from sad and lonely to being happy with who you are is like crawling out of quicksand man its easier said than done.
Your right, you can look at it from both sides. A lot of us happy people choose not to. He's not saying find a job and money as an alternative, he's just saying find SOMETHING. If you've been depressed and alone before, that's not because the world sucks and there's no magic wand, it's because you've failed to see the beauty in life. That, or you have an ego that put you up against those who you saw around you thinking that you weren't as good as them because they got ass, etc. The fact is, there is no magic wand your right. But there is a brain, and it's extremely powerful. You have to look at not having a girl from the best perspective possible, because if you don't then your wasting your own time thinking negatively and being a pessimist. If, on the other hand, you take everything in your life in stride and look at the positive spin on it... that's where you'll find the happy people. I broke up with my girlfriend of a year a couple months ago, since then I've ran into the best shape of my life, progressed in skateboarding further than I ever had, and made some incredibly close friends. I don't see how people can complain about not having a girlfriend... You have your entire life for that shit.
You know, I suffered intense bouts of depression in high school up until freshman year of college. It was mainly "existential depression". I had a few shots at girls here and there but I couldn't truly capitalize to my potential because I was too up my own ass. I was tired of standing on the corner for a while, watching opportunities speed by. I decided to take life in my hands. Now, almost three years later, I'm a healthier, happier person. I know some people get s full deck of cards while others don't. Still, you have to try and beat the odds. Do the best with what you're given. Crawling out of quicksand is hard, but it's necessary. Want to know why? Because you'll die otherwise. Start living and stop dying.
OP when did you lose your virginity? Was it past the age of 21? If no then /thread. You simply don't understand where your friend is coming from and how he feels. You merely view it as "yeah it's just a girl, no need to obsess about it", but your friend has never had the satisfaction of possessing the same view as you do since he's never had a girlfriend to start with.
yea, man you are making alot of very good and important points, HOWEVER the other side is tough. i'm a virgin, yes, though not 21. and i can honestly tell you if i were to reach the age of 21 and not get to taste any poon i'd be quite unsatisfied with myself. it's something that is naturally in us to want to seek deep companionship and fuck and the fact your boy is having an extremely hard time finding someone who finds him appealing at the age of 21 probably makes him feel inadequate that he cannot do something biologically programmed in him. for example if you had two computers, both with all the materials they needed to access in the internet but only one of them could, you'd think the other one is a piece of shit. you'd be like "WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS COMPUTER OMFG." even though it's a horrible analogy it sort of gives you an idea about what i mean. your boy probably feels like a broken person cuz he is defeating himself and his natural instincts.
I agree with the OP. Everyone should still count their blessings, regardless of whether or not they're a virgin. It was frustrating being a virgin a few years back, but I still lead a fulfilling (I think) life, and was generally a happy person. Not to mention, people like OP's friend are often virgins because of their 'pity party' attitude towards women. Women can pick up on that low self-esteem. Some of them, in fact, might be able to tell you're likely a virgin by how you carry yourself. I know I've correctly (and sometimes incorrectly) picked up on the fact that a girl's a virgin because of how she carries herself in certain situations.
it's a catch-22. you have low self-esteem in part because you haven't had sex, and you have trouble picking up girls because you have low-self esteem. but OP is right. you're not doing yourself any favors by wallowing. maybe if you are a virgin, you don't realize that there's no magic combination of tricks to "land women." you just have to get to know someone, and things progress naturally (we're animals, sex is one of the most natural things you can do, if you can get out of your own headspace). how can you expect to get to know another person like that, when you don't even know yourself? you are more than your insecurities. if you are depressed, go see a therapist. work your shit out. the trick is to love yourself and more love will follow
When you really stop and think about everything as a whole, what are we really put here to do? To live our lives and continue the cycle of life, there really isn't much else aside from a handful of facades that we have been programmed to believe actually matter.