Hi, Not really sure where im going with this, mainly want to get my thoughts out, because i can feel them bouncing around, building up pressure: As a few of you may or may not know I come from a long line of people with all sorts of mental issues, some of which i am starting to see in myself. All the men on my mothers side of my family, for as many generations back as i am aware, have been terrible husbands, they were all alcoholics, and beat their wives and children brutally, most of these men suffered from other addicitions, and a handful of mental ailments, among a few are depression, skitzophrenia, anxiety and a few more. My dads side is essentially the exact same thing, alcoholism, the beatings, pretty much everything. My parents speak openly about how their similar childhood experiences drew them to each other, because they could talk about it and relate. However, growing up, they treated me poorly, nothing i'd like to get into, not looking for sympathy, just stating that they didn't do much better themselves. The dilemna i find myself facing: I honestly see a lot of these issues as being genetic, others seem to bve passed on because of the experience of being beaten, and abused, it truly changes your mind-state. I met the love of my love, and she is truly perfect in my eyes, and i would give anything to make her happy, to live with her forever, and to have kids we could enjoy. I just always can't help but think that none of my family planned, or intended to turn out how they did. I'm so scared that someday i will become the weak, addicted, abusive person i seem destined to become, but i want nothing more than to break this cycle. thoughts, similar experiences, advice? anything positive is appreciated, pm me if it's something too personal.
It's not hard to break the cycle, you've already gotten past the first step of realizing that there is one and that you would be weak to fall into it. I know how you feel, most of the men in my family have been cheating bastards that misuse their wives and it does have an effect on me. I saw those characteristics in myself and I took time to look inwardly so I don't make the same mistakes. It takes time, don't be too hard on yourself.