The afterlife and beyond...

So someone has nagged me to finally make a thread about all my experiences with dying several times. I have died 4 times in my life 3 from various od's and 1 from actually being stabbed several times. Each time i was "legally dead" it was about 5 minutes each time i was dead. If anyone would like to ask any questions or anything about what i have experienced and the effects or abilities i have gained from it (more on this later).

Here is story #1: I've always been really spiritual and open to the unknown and supernatural and id like to say i am Wicca and i perform spells and stuff with my friends and i believe in this stuff. It was the first time i had od'd and paramedics were called and my dealer i was with tried performing cpr and mouth/mouth and had a couple other people drag me outside on the ground. By the time the medical crew had gotten there i wasn't breathing. They took over cpr and breaths and gave me shots of idk what to try to rouse me. My friends are freaking out and my best friend who was there was holding my head and crying over me and eventually i woke up after my heart stopped and they shocked me back to reality.
All there was was black in my vision, i remember looking down at myself and not seeing what i actually looked like. I was healthy and i was full of energy and i had the type of hair i've always wanted and my face and body being the weight and height i've always wanted to be. I was barefoot and just walking in black and then suddenly i just tripped and i was somewhere else. I remember feeling like you wake up after a very long nap and i wasn't in a house where i knew my body was, i felt at peace and just giving in to the rush of emotions i was feeling. I remember feeling like i was home or what home should be. I have always pictured heaven on a sort of island where there's just nature and peace where i can have deep thoughts and have a sort of spiritual enlightenment and visit places and see the universe for what it really is and explore deep space and just see whats out there. I was actually there, i thought i was supposed to be in hell and suffering but i was just there. I had no inner monologue and i felt free and i started talking to myself about all the petty shit in my life. I remember hearing my friend screaming to come back i just hear crying and words i can't make out from some other people in this world i am in. I was taken aback by just how wonderful everything can be and i just broke down and cried because there was so much shit i didn't do and how i let everyone down by being stupid. I cried for a few days it seemed like. Sitting on a beach surrounded by all the things i've ever pictured beautiful. I just stopped crying and stood up and realized that i love living. I love all the bullshit and the torment of people and i understood that everyone is unique and i love everyone and don't want to leave that behind even though i had a perfectly good chance to just jump off the train ride and find the meaning of life and figure it all out. I walked around in the forest and everything just changed and i felt nothing. I got to the other side of the island after seemed like a long trek and sat down. I realized that love was the answer and i didn't need to go on a quest to find it. Humans may be imperfect but love is universal and i looked up and saw spirits/ghosts/manifestations or whatever you choose to call and i got carried up and felt a huge shock and i realized that i would be back here one day when my quest is complete and i woke up in the back of an ambulance.

To this day i see some spirits of people i don't know and i hear so many things about their life and things they regret. I can't go in cemeteries anymore. I just feel that rush of love because thats what they are for, people come and pour their hearts out and they love these people that used to be in their life. Other times frustration of a life cut short and just horrible to see these people distraught and full of emotion and regret. I feel presence's of some very strong willed spirits even in my house, of people just looking for some release from something they are tied to in this world.

I hope you enjoy my story and i would love to share some more and answer any questions you may have about ANY of my experiences.

 

I have relapsed countless times and everyday its on my mind. 3 were on one substance and another was something else. The fourth time i relapsed is when i had my last od and i've never gone back to it. Sure, there are things i can no longer do because of the holes in my brain but i compensate for it.

 

I was hoping to come back after going on a walk and see some questions....

I will say that i NEED to be around people now. I CANNOT stand being alone. I can't do it. It's like a security blanket that i need people around. Sometimes i zone out and need someone to bring me back down to earth. It's hard to describe but knowing where i have been and i was alone there. There was no other real people where i was and i just need human contact, someone to talk to etc....

 

No i am not afraid to die, i have visited the place i know i will be 2 more times and each time the feelings are more intense like its where i am supposed to be when i am done. I have took various drugs and have NEVER felt the way i felt there. It's like we sample all these good things on earth and find our meaning and purpose and give something back to the world and when you go there its just all the most positive things combined, i can only say its enlightening. Give me a few minutes and let me take some shots of vodka and ill post up the worst experience i have ever had being "legally dead".

 

So here's experience #2 with being dead. It was the WORST experience of my life.

So i happened to be home back from rehab. This was 4 months after the first od and let me tell you, my sense of balance and reflex's and motor control was way off. I had successfully completed treatment after they fucked me around with medications. Lets just say i gave in to the burning desire and relapsed.

I was staying back at my parents place because i was just so messed up and had no other place to go and needed help with even the basic functions of life. When they found me i was slumped over and the chair i was in tipped over backwards. It was one of those chairs with the pull out foot rest and it was wobbly as fuck. Anyway it tipped over and that somehow alerted them that i needed help getting back up because as i say, i was seriously off-balance. They came and got the chair off me and figured i was out of breath from having this huge ass chair fall over onto me. They saw the stuff and knew right away what was going on. They tried rousing me and shaking me while my dad called 911. I was still breathing but very shallow at that point and i apparently by the time the paramedics got there i was having seizures. I stopped breathing when they put me on their cart. Or rather by the time they got me down the stairs they had to come up to get me from i wasn't breathing. They administered all their drugs and whatever to try to wake me up while we were in the back of the ambulance before i came to with a shot that's designed to do just that.

Let me just remind you that this was the WORST experience i have ever endured. I remember slumping back in the chair and everything just melting away. Everything that melted away was replaced by pitch black. I couldn't see. I couldn't move i was just sitting in a chair and everything was black around me. I got dumped out of the chair and was just falling. I remember thinking that i am going back to the place i was before but that was not to be. There was this whole new place of just nothingness. I couldn't speak and after awhile i couldn't think. I literally could not use my brain. I was just staring at nothingness and i eventually found strength to stand up after what i imagined was an hour of just falling into blackness. I felt like i was in hole and this was my life and what it had become. I was fallen from heaven and i was forced into this horrible place, there was nothing beautiful here and i feel like i deserved it because of what i had just done. I was just starting to recover and i had ruined everything by giving in to my desires. The feelings i had experienced the first time didn't come but instead i was feeling doubt, despair, disgust and torment. I remember just dropped down and puking out blackness for what seemed like days. After just feeling completely empty i stopped feeling emotions and i was just drained of what seemed like humanity. I couldn't feel anything. I punched, scratched, bit, clawed and tripped myself all in the attempt to just feel something but i still felt nothing. I couldn't cry and i couldn't scream. I felt so disconnected from my body and it was worse than any nightmare i have ever had and then suddenly it was over. My body felt warm again and my veins burned and i finally got to cry. My body hurt so much but just feeling the burning in my veins was enough to give me hope that i was still alive. I got up and just ran. Things starting getting blurrier but brighter as i kept on running and things started changing around me i remember just finally collapsing after being totally exhausted and by the time i sat down, i woke up.

Every time i have a nightmare, its just a replay of this. There is no nothing to compare it too. Nothing as scary as what i experienced. Every time i have this nightmare, i can never sleep for at least a few days afterwards and usually not without some sleep aids because i feel next time i just won't wake up. I will say that every time i have this nightmare it makes me stronger because it allows me to have better connections with people if you can understand. I have a friend who no matter what time it is if i experience this dream i can go and wake em up and just talk to them and it helps, but i got a taste of hell that night. I don't ever want to feel that way or be stuck there again.