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thanks for listening...

Discussion in 'Seasoned Marijuana Users' started by justme, Jun 21, 2002.

  1. #1 justme, Jun 21, 2002
    I spent the night in the ER with my husband. He has pneumonia. He's had it before. Last time, he almost died from it. He spent 4 days in RCU (Respitory Care Unit)...on a ventilator. It took him three months to recover.
    The thing is...I know this is going to sound really selfish...but I've dealt with this man for my entire adult life. I am tired of taking care of him. I have for the entire time I have been with him. I don't mean physically. I mean mentally care for him. He was first diagnosed with Schizophrenia...and now has been told he has Schizo-Affective Disorder. You know the movie, "A Beautiful Mind"? I cried through 90% of the movie. Our lives have never been as magical as what happened in the movie...just alot more interesting than most married couples.
    My husband went to Columbia University...it has been one of the top 10 Ivy League schools in the country. He has a Master's Degree...but, he's not like he once was. Unfortunately, he never will be. He's not doing well, and hasn't been for some time now.
    I guess feel that it's like having 2 troubled children, instead of the one I adopted (who's doing pretty well, btw)...I have a man...who I used to respect, love, and cherish...he was my friend. Now, he's gone...not dead physically. But, something much worse...a spiritual and mental break that can never heal. He was abused by Catholic clergy. Badly.
    The thing that's hardest though...is what my son has lost. He knew his Dad when he was well. He now only knows him as someone he has to help alot.
    I guess what is happening to me...is I am morning the loss of someone I once loved very deeply. But, now someone I fear...that I avoid (to maintain my own sanity?)...and, I'm now preparing to leave.
    I need to leave him. I just feel so fucking guilty about it. I feel like I should keep trying? I guess I am stubborn...lol...loyal maybe? I dunno...I guess I have to realize that this isn't going to work anymore for a billion reasons. I need to greive about it, and go on with my life. I started to a million times. But, when he arranged for my son's birth mom to come stay with us, and she gave me her child...I feel more indecisive than I ever have. I know my son will do much better without his Dad 24/7. I also know that he needs to see him weekly, more if my son so desires.
    Man...I am rambling...I'll probably delete this all in the morning...lol. If anyone has read this far...thanks for listening.

    Peace,
     
  2. #2 phunkyphil, Jun 21, 2002
    damn.. i dont really know what to say.. i can really imagine how hard that kind of decision must be for you.. but youre right- it's not worth sacrificing the well-being of your self and maybe even your children just to be with him. those kinds of situations are too much to ask of ANYbody, and if you feel you just need a break then you should definitely take one, for the sake of your OWN mental health. i just wish there was something i could say that would take the pain out of these types of decisions..

    hang in there, and im sure life will take a turn for the better :)

    peace
     
  3. #3 NuBBiN, Jun 21, 2002
    man oh man....Thats a tough one justme... Usually I just try and think of what I'd do in those situations if it were me, but even that would be a hard decision for me to make. I guess all I can say to you is be strong and hang in there. Is he ever going to get better? Is he just going to get worse? Whatever decision you come to, it will no doubt be very difficult, and I wish the best of luck to you in your future. If the true spirit of the man you loved and the father to his child is no longer there, what is really left? I cant tell you to choose one way or the other, because im not the one who will have to live with those decisions. But im confident that in time you'll make the right choice, and whatever it is im pretty sure your husband would back you 100% if he could. Good Luck to you.
     
  4. #4 RMJL, Jun 21, 2002
    Do what is best for you. If leaving is going to eventually make you a happy girl, then I would choose that route. If you think that you may get the man you married back if you stay, then choose that route. You have to skip the details and focus on the big picture. How do you forsee things to be with each choice? If you see happiness at the end of either tunnel, then that is the way to go.


    Good luck!!!!
     
  5. #5 Bud Head, Jun 21, 2002
    Do what you feel is the right thing to do. You are a very intelligent woman and you will do the right thing.

    Best wishes and luck to ya friend!
     
  6. #6 isis_420, Jun 22, 2002
    I feel for you and wish that there was a way to ease your pain. Maybe knowing that people, albeit stangers, care for you and wish the best for you and yours.

    The path is in your heart. Don't be unhappy for someone else. If your husband is a good man, he will understand. Seperation doesn't have to mean a complete loss of contact. It may mean renewing a lost friendship....
     
  7. #7 stonygurl, Jun 22, 2002
    You've been carrying a lot on your shoulders. Now it's time for you, and what you need and want. Listen to your heart. I wish I could be there in person to help you through this....You're a very special person with a lot of love and intelligence. It's time to be good to yourself.

    You're in my thoughts every day, and I wish you peace.
     
  8. #8 NdicaBud, Jun 22, 2002
    Been there.....It is not easy in any way to care for someone daily,,altering your life,,to meet theirs...often it feels like a fly unable to leave the flypaper,,,,hopeless,and confining.

    But when she thanked me for bieng there for her,,and told me that I had made the demons in her mind flee,,with my support,and sacrifice....that I was a smile to her,,in such a dismal place..then she died that day an hour later.....I felt horrible for all my selfish thoughts of escape.,,and happy that I made the differance to her in the days before the end,,,...I now help cancer patients as much as I can..

    I guess I am thinking of how it may effect his further wellness,,if he felt abandoned by the one he depended on so greatly for so long....When I put his shoes on my feet..I do not like the fit....It must be a horrible feeling for him to go from something,,to nothing more than a sickly patient,,needing others to survive..


    I feel for you greatly...all in all.....the choice at your feet,,,is not an easy one...step carefully...I can give no suggestion...for I have been there....and it is difficult no matter how you look at it,,..for all involved..

    My thoughts are with you and yours....respectively

    [​IMG]
     

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