ok so when my grandmother died she asked to to make sure that my grandfather did not get her ashes! this was important to her! many times in my life when noone was around she would tell me i was her favorite this is the adult i was closest to all my life she died wile i was in alaska and she in florida when i told her i was going to alaska she asked me not to go - i asked why ? it was an amazing opportunity? she said if you go i wont ever see you again..... i told her that was silly and i would see her soon enuf she called me a cupple months latter and told me it was time.... asked me to come back and see her before she died so i started makeing plans met up with a few blades on that trip the thing was she had all my life had horrible arthritis! and the pain had been so much for so long she had had enuf so when i told her everything was set and i was comeing she knew i was on my way she relaxed and let go she was right she never did get to see me again... so i intended to make sure she got what she wanted her ashes buried between her parents graves i had to figure out how to get them from him first! as i am trying to work out a plan i get a phone call its the old mans landlord calling me and telling me he is in the hospital and going to be evicted if he doesnt pay his rent- so i talk to the landlord for awile and came at an agreement- i went to the hospital where the old man was- now i have never liked this guy when i was little they would make me go with him to these antique fleamarkits where i wasnt allowed to touch anything! and he haunted my grandmother most of her life she would leave him and he would find her show up and just move in..... i could make a whole thread about what as ass he was- so i go to the hospital and go to see him the first thing he sayes to me is " you will never get her ashes!" he knew where she wanted to be buried and he knew what she didnt want! and he had done exactly what she didnt want!!! she told me i had to get the ashes and take care of it because he would never let it happen- she said he would make i shrine out of her -and she didnot want that at all! and that is exactly what he had done! selfish fuck! so i tell him he is going to be evicted from his home and if he gives me the keys i will move all his shit to storage for him till he can find a new place- i didnt have to do that -i dont owe it to him but she would have wanted me to give him the chance so i did he called the nurse and had me thrown out of the hospital ..... well i had expected as much from him before i went- but i gave him his chance anyway the arrangement i made with the landlord that i never told the old man was this- that if the old man wouldnt give me the keys (which i knew he wouldnt) that i would empty the place out and clean it up for him once the eviction was final in exchange for being able to take my grandmothers pictures and her ashes so called her only close friends up and they came and we had a lovely day cleaning the place out going thru pictures which were divided accordingly and i found the shrine...not that one could have missed it! it was a whole wall in his bedroom with pictures and bullshit and her ashes in the middle on a pedestal- would have been romantic if she hadent hated the man and said expressly that was not what she wanted! so i got the joy of throwing every single thing he owned in the trash!!!!!! when he finally got out of the hospital he owned only the clothes we wore into the hospital i even had his car towed to the junk yard the old bastered knew exactly where she wanted to be buried! all this took place in florida... the place she wants to be buried is in new york so we drive her up here and the old fuck called the cemetery and told them if they let us bury her he will sue them and how i stole her ashes from him.... so now she has been sitting on my sisters dresser for 5 yrs or so waiting for him to die because thats when the cemetery can let us put her where she wants to go so now i am thinking why not go thru her ashes and see if there is a chunk of bone of something big enuf to make a peice of jewelry out of? but then i wounder? would that be the same as the shrine she wanted no part of?
Wow man, just wow. Firstly I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't believe what an ass this "old man" has been. Not respecting the dying wish of a person is sin. You made all the right moves so far. I would suggest not keeping a part of her as it was not in her wishes. You are truly a good person for doing this and putting up with his crap.
first off, you're a good human being the world need more people like you I think you should wait those 5 years to get the spot, and then take it Don't dig through her ashes, there won't be a bone, just let them be she didn't want a shrine
I'm truly sorry to hear about your grandmother, and you are quite the good person for doing your utmost best to fulfill her dying wishes. Good vibes to you. Back to the topic at hand, the way I see it, her point was that she didn't want HIM, as in your grandfather, to make a shrine of her as she didn't like him at all. But even if you hadn't said it, I could tell she favored you. I'm 100% sure she wouldn't mind at all if you made a jewelry piece from a chunk of bone or something. It wouldn't be a shrine even, but a reminder of a dear loved one.
Touching story... sort of... She wants to be buried so bury her. Don't go rummaging around for a piece of her to hold for jewelry, I think that is sort of creepy and unethical. But thats just me. It also seemed like that dude really cared about her, but obviously I don't know the whole story.
thank you! yes that seams to be the conclusion i have come to sense the idea first came to me- that she wouldnt mind because it was me- was wondering if i was the only one who would see that connection the way i did im not going to do i had already decided that but i did think about it for quite some time
This is why I always encourage folks to make a will and spell this sort of thing out. My Mom's ashes went to me, not my brother because she had a clear advance legal directive. I'm sorry you're going through this. Its not a good idea to mess with the ashes because they float around and stick to stuff. I had to repack Mom for transport and part of her ended up all over the table. You don't want to be dust busting your Grandmother's remains up, its kind of creepy. After a long trip my Mom's went over Victoria Falls, BTW-her favorite place on earth. My Mom is down there.
very nice spot!!!! yes i had decided not to do it still not sure what made me think of it to begin with really? and i definitely dont want little bits of her everywhere
Didn't think about the ashes getting everywhere part, oops. But, excuse me for asking, but how far along is your grandfather?
couldnt help but picture him pregnant!!!lmfao!!!! who knows really? he doesnt smoke or drink hes just an asshole his health is not so bad really you see this guy is not just an asshole to some people he is an asshole to everyone!!!! he will go into businesses and Harris them if there "flag" is old and worn and continue to Harris them untill they get a new flag just to shut him up! and god forbid you have a flag pole and no flag! omfg! then he would call all the news papers and tell them how he got so and so to put of a new flag because he is so great! he put flag pictures and stickers all over his car he calls himself the flag man! has t-shirts whit "the flagman" on them before it was flags it was ships! this fuck would draw ships on envelopes and mail them to people all over the place that he had seen on the news or in the newspaper then he would call all the newspapers to tell them how great he was for doing this and beg them to put him in the paper..... i bet i could search and find some articles on his fuck ass!
You're getting the verb 'harass' confused with the proper noun 'Harris' Other than that, your gramps seems like an old timer looking to leave his footprint in the world.
didnt take much looking to find something on him- I used to bug you to let me take you in there. I got to be a pest and you finally said, 'Okay, I'll let you take me in if you'll leave me alone.' this one quote by him pretty much sums up there whole life together! did he love her? yes im sure he did but she couldnt stand him! \t\t\t\t\t\t Shrine to a lifelong love Bruno DeLuca mourns his wife's death each anniversary and many days between. By BEN MONTGOMERY Published February 8, 2007 The Flagman stands in Velcro shoes in the double-wide mobile home he rents on the edge of town and he thinks about her. The woman with the petite body and the soft lips. The one whose picture is taped to the leaky ice box, just above the handle on which he wrote in marker as a reminder, PUSH HARD TO SEAL DOOR. “Her lips is almost like real,†the Flagman says. *** 7:30 a.m., March 9, 2006. I miss bringing you flowers. Remember when I used to bring you flowers all the time? *** They call him the Flagman because he wears flags on his T-shirts and draws them on envelopes and the backs of Little Debbie boxes. He sticks flag stickers to his car and writes “The Flagman†on his hats and says he was born in Italy and he's proud to be American. Bruno DeLuca is his name. *** 10:35 a.m., March 27, 2005 It's Easter Sunday. I miss you real bad. ... We've been married 60 years this coming August 12th. You was only 15 when I fell in love with you up in Newburgh, New York. Remember that? We used to go to the Academy Theater. I'd pay your way in. I used to bug you to let me take you in there. I got to be a pest and you finally said, 'Okay, I'll let you take me in if you'll leave me alone.' I can still picture that beautiful suede shirt you used to wear. You looked so pretty. Your long hair. Your buck teeth. *** They married Aug. 12, 1945, at Sacred Heart Church in Newburgh. They retired to Florida years later and settled outside Tampa. Rheumatoid arthritis disabled her. He always said he could take care of her. He tried. *** 7:55 a.m., July 9, 2006 I'm so lonely for you. They say I've got to have hope. Hope for what? I try to be good, but it's hard. I miss you real bad. I'm gonna go crazy without you. *** Their daughters are grown. One lives in New York, the other in Virginia. He calls sometimes and leaves messages. He also dials the police station. He can almost always find someone who will talk. He calls the Oklahoma Highway Patrol in Pawnee, where the trooper who caught Timothy McVeigh worked. He calls the police in Newburgh. “This is Bruno DeLuca,†he tells them, “and I used to live up there in Newburgh, I sure did, and you think there might be anyone who would want to talk to me?†One time he was talking to a dispatcher with Hillsborough County. He began to cry. The dispatcher sent a deputy over. The deputy put Bruno in his car. He wouldn't say where they were going. He just kept saying, “It's going to be all right.†*** 7:30 a.m., March 9, 2006 Here's this picture. It's a picture of us at Busch Gardens. We both had green T shirts on. Mine said Mr. D. Yours said Mrs. D. You were so beautiful. *** Bruno's daughter, Toni Jean, does not blame him. Her mother was ill for a long time. The arthritis stole her life, and it didn't matter that her father had trouble caring for her. But Toni Jean stopped returning his calls around the time her mother died. She grew tired of dealing with all his issues. He thinks the Little Debbie boxes are so cute, he cuts them flat and saves them. Putting flags everywhere gives him a purpose. When he's busy, he doesn't feel so lonely. “I'm just trying to keep my sanity,†he says. *** 8:20 p.m., February 9, 2006 Three years right to the minute. You died three years ago today. I wanted to have a nice memorial for you. *** Jean DeLuca died four years ago today. She was 75. On holidays, special occasions and the ninth day of every month, without fail, Bruno DeLuca, 84, stands before a shrine he built for her in a corner of his mobile home. As the world spins outside, he lights the candles and offers a penance. Then, out of grief or remorse or loneliness, he pushes the record button on a tape player and begins to cry and talks to his wife. Ben Montgomery can be reached at bmontgomery@sptimes.com or (813) 661-2443.
For what its worth and it sounds like you have decided anyway, but not many things I feel strongly about but my top 3 are to honor and respect those who have won and desearve it (a hard thing for me) and my word is my bond. When I say I will do something (even if I may have made a somewhat poor decision) I follow through. So since she had no caveat or amendments that you know of, the very best thing you can do is to follow her wishes to a tee. Cool story, but sorry you missed her before she went.
thanks- i sorry i missed her as well- she wanted to see me -but she did not want me to see her like that you know the old fuck had the nerve to take pictures of her on her death bed in agony? wtf? i made sure those were disposed of she wouldnt have wanted anyone to see her like that!
Wow, your grandfather sounds like a real asshole. I hate to call people names but, taht is just downright horrible of him. He took advantage of her, and other people, just to try to make his name.
yup- this is also a guy who spends every penny he has on fucking lotto tickets! they must have moved 100 times in mylife- he would get them thrown out of places they lived everytime he was all friendly with the landlord and talked about how great the guy was till he moved into a place then he would find every tiny stupid thing you can think of- including just making shit up to bitch about and what a dirty piece of shit the landlord is cus of this or that bulshit! and he would make his ridiculous claims and harass the landlord often withholding the rent based on the shit he was making up so they would get evicted- again
Wow, my landlord is most asshole-ish husband he coudl be to his wife. He even has a girlfriend that he cares about and loves more than his current wife! But they give us a great price on the apartment we're living in allowing me and my family to live comfortably. If only you knew half the shit he does...it's disgusting to hear how bad he is.