Someday

Sometimes I'll be out on a walk and listening to music on a summer twilight and I catch a slight breeze and the temperature is just perfect. I get a rush of nostalgia that doesn't just take me back to a single time but multiple times all at once, if that makes sense. It reminds me of so many places, things, moods, and people. I don't know what it is but something about that feeling is just fucking awesome. Way better than any drug I've ever done... and I do quite like getting fucked up. It's neat because I can switch to an old song that I used to listen to during a period of time when I was younger and it the combination of that feeling and the song realllly take me back. I feel like I'm back at the age I was when that song was big for me. I don't just have memories of things but I feel as if I could go home and resume the life I was living back then. It's really weird and very powerful. It's fun as fuck and I love the feeling a lot, but there's always some bittersweet sadness to it. As content as I feel at that time it's still almost mildly depressing.

It's only at that time though that I really think and comprehend the fact that someday I will look back at the current time and find it incredibly bittersweet. When I was a kid and when I was a teenager, I never felt like I'd look back and think "those were the fuckin' days" but I do every now and then when I think about it. Even though I do that I just hardly ever think that I'll look back at the times I'm living in now and feel that same "those were the goddamn days man" type thing.. I mean based on how things work so far, I know I probably will.. but I just don't FEEL like I will, y'know? Except when I'm out walking and the temperature is right and the time of the day is right and my mood is right.. That's the only time I comprehend it and think "I'm living in the good ol' days right now. Someday I'm really gonna miss this shit and I'll be willing to give up a lot to do it again".. For some reason feeling that hits me pretty hard in some way I can't really describe.

Does anybody else get that feeling when the settings are just right? What settings does it take to put you in such a mood, if any? Or do I just sound crazy and people can always "feel" that they'll someday look back and miss it. And don't say "man, I'm going through shitty times, I definitely wont miss this" because you fuckin' will. I've had sad shit happen, lost family members, and all that shit that sucks.. and I still can look back and miss those times. I feel like that might be inevitable

 

It's definitely not happiness. I know what happiness feels like and this is just different. I can't really explain it well though. Sometimes I feel so good that I feel content but when compared to what I detailed above, it's not content-ness when compared to the feeling above. I mean yeah I feel great out on a walk in the right settings but I feel like it's more of something outside of happiness and sadness.

 

Yeah man for sure. Sometimes I'll play a song that puts me in a great mood and reminds me of great times.. And sometimes I'll play a song that I know is going to make me some type of sad because it's so strongly connected to certain people who aren't in my life anymore and that I still miss quite a lot. I don't really get depressed or anything and it doesn't kill the mood or anything like that, and even though it gets me down in a little way it's still very enjoyable.

Music in general just has a habit of taking me back.. There are certain songs that even though they're great I just avoid listening to them because of memories attached. Every now and then I listen to them and use em as a time machine though, but I only bring myself to do it once or twice a year.