I look outside my window and see a strange figure crouched by the nearby shrubbery. I immediately think it's just a stray dog or even a deer that ran loose from the woods since I live in a very wooded area. I go back to pick up my bowl and hold it close to my lips about to hit it when I hear a strange muffled ruffling sound. Almost like a bear. Now, I've never seen any bears in the area I live in, so I of course start to panic go shut my window that I'm watching all of this through. Suddenly a shattering squealing pierced my ears. A pig!? What the fuck was going on? Was there menagerie of woodland and barnyard animals being held captive in my back yard? I walked over to the window and glared out into the pitch darkness. To my surprise, the behemoth figure rose to it's full stature (on two feet, I might add, as if it were almost a man) and charged me. It's blood red eyes pierced right through mine as if it could see all my wordly desires, my fears, and weeknesses. It was as if it could gaze into the depths of my soul. As I stared wide-eyed in paralyzing fear, it had now gotten as close as an arm's distance away from me. I screamed through the window, "WHAT DO YOU WANT." The beast responded, "Ah need abou' tree fiddy." I screamed, "Ain't no moneh in this house for no manbearpig, we WORK for 'ah moneh in dis house." "Can I get abouh' tree fiddy," the goliathon prompted again. "Fine, hold on," I replied exasperated. Long story short, I gave him the money and he shortly took his leave. But the joke's on him, because I only gave the stupid motherfucker 2.50. Dumbass.