Smoking for mental disorders

Hi, My name is harrison and I've been smoking for about a year. It all started when I was a kid I always had this empty feeling and never fit in with kids my age, I was and still am always chatting it up with older people, I have had sense I was about 8 severe depression and anxiety, fibromyalgia, chrons disease, chronic migraines and ADD, I used to be an all day 20 times a day smoker but now I only smoke at night, I've gotten therapy sense I was 8, med changes, 2 hospitalization and been in any programs yet I haven't gotten anywhere, I'm miserable all the time, feeling empty, lost, hopeless and in pain, I'm now seeing a DBT therapist, am with a better psychiatrist yet not much has changed, I have a consultation w/ the DBT therapist tommorow and I will mention this there too, is it possible for me to recover while getting therapy and med changes during the day while smoking a little weed to get relief at night? I know you arnt doctors but who am I gonna ask? I'm 19 btw and I have recently been researching Borderline and it looks like I have it, I have every symptom and have had them all my life, any way I'll stop rambling and let you guys weigh in, any advise would be greatly appreciated (btw I've been of weed a month and nothing was any better and I started smoking when I couldn't bear life anymore with the pain) please no nasty comments,


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Did I mention I only eat about one meal a day


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