Here's the situation, my dad just found out that i smoke yesterday (on my 19th birthday, WHILE i was skiing). He called and told me to get my ass home, spoiling the trip, and i had to drive 2 hours back thinking about what to do. He told me that he knew i was lying about a lot and i spilled the beans about smoking behind his back for the past 3 months or so. I have a friends house that he said i can stay at for any length of time, and i have a few friends that want to get an apartment together. Is it the right time? have you ever moved out from parents that don't allow smoking? I mean, i'm old enough to make my own choices and he wants whats best for me, and he seems to think ill become addicted. Im starting my first day of spring semester in college, and have my own car and a part time job that pays $500 or so a month. I have about $800 in savings, and i think its possible, so what is your take on it?
Yeah man, move. It'll be a learning experience. But its gonna have to happen eventually. No stopping the inevitable. Just roll with it.
I would try educating Dad first! Here's a few good ones to start with. The first one is written by an EX-drug counselor. When Your Kid Smokes Pot (news – 2008) [FONT="]When Your Kid Smokes Pot | MND: Your Daily Dose of Counter-Theory[/FONT] Teen Pot Smoking Won't Lead to Other Drugs as Adults (news - 2010) Teen Pot Smoking Won't Lead to Other Drugs as Adults Study of 4000 indicates marijuana discourages use of hard drugs. (news – 2008) [FONT="]Study of 4000 indicates marijuana discourages use of hard drugs. [/FONT] [FONT="][FONT="]Your thinking and life-style may have to undergo some changes when you move out! [/FONT] That $800 will disappear at an amazing rate once you are out of the house! Start thinking frugally! No more fast food- learn to cook! Think before you jump in the car- can you take care of more than one thing on this trip? Thrift stores are your friends! Are all the bills paid, before you buy that sack? Freedom brings responsibilities! Granny [/FONT]
Ya man, I'm eighteen and moved out. My parents are assholes so... lol. It's not as hard as you think it will be. You'll get used to it.
Thanks everyone for the replies, im writing a letter to him about it and moving out probably tomorrow if everything goes to plan.
Granny gave you a perspective you should pay close attention to, but I want to give you one more and besides the funds, this one should take precedent. (little long winded but bear with me) When you have children instincts of nature suddenly, for most of us... we are overcome with fierce protective instincts and a pressing desire to be sure our children do not make the same mistakes we do and no one harms them. We feel in control when you are small and you are ours. I gave my son a lot of freedom, (more than most) and I didn't want him smoking or doing drugs at a young age, and as he grew and was so very bright and happy,,, never even though I had and perhaps because I had. I steered him and guided him and because it was just us 2 we got on well and it worked out, that isn't always the case with 2 parents cause of styles and personality and relationship dynamics and all that jazz. Each parent will have their own opinions and style to accomplish the same thing and that is to protect their off sping (usually). Now something happens when the off spring start becoming adult and preparing for independence. 1. the youth do not have much concept of where money comes from and how hard it is to get. 2. The parents can't let go. I think this is why usually, there is a point in time where we need to trust that what we did for our children is enough. It's hard to trust, your child will know when they are vulnerable and at risk in any number of given situations. When my son left for school and we had been so close and I saw him distancing himself and making mistakes I would not wish to see him make, I got a bit upset myself and was scared for him and afraid I didn't prepare him. I shut it all down and let him fly with the reminder; when he was ready I would be there. He came to me in about one year and told what he learned and wanted and had some plans. We made it through and I think we came out the other end with much respect for each other. The thing is, it's not what you say it's what you do,,,both parent and child. This will work out, but you need to understand and so does your Dad. This all is simply a progression of the "empty nest" syndrome and a hormone hit to both parents in the same time when you are having a hormone surge and and adult awakening. Having time and conversation with your parents will ease their concerns and show them you are the "same lil guy that was in the crib and you will be fine". Maybe you could go have some quiet guy time and some reminders of the past and what a good job your parents have done and how it is natural for you to want to test your freedom and new discoveries. How you respect yourself and how he and your mom have your respect and confidence. Tell him you want to be able to come to him if you have a need or a success and that you will do your best to be smart and not stupid. If you don't mean it, talk to him sometimes like you do mean it. When you avoid them and they don't know your friends or what you are doing they will worry and be suspicious. Talk to them about what you are up to, your plans and dreams, your girlfriends and your friends. Not just I'm going here or there but what you did and some funny stories. You can skew out the unnecessary details but they just want to know about your life and know you are ok. This gives them assurance and confidence that they did do a good job and you are ready. (parents always make mistakes and we know it, so there is always(or should be) a measure of uncertainty in our own parenting skills) My son is 31 now and I can say he has done well. When he was older he did some experimenting with pot and E and drinking but all short lived I can clearly see now what he did was a natural progression in life and I did a good job preparing him to move on in his life. I imagine if you have more than 1 child it is easier w/each one but the empty nest syndrome likely exists with each one each time as well. good luck play smart and walk the talk.
That is the best post i have ever read. It honestly, REALLY helps man. what you said fits perfect with the situation. i should include that i live with my dad and his girlfriend (who acts like a mother) and that my mom and stepdad live in PA, but i still visit. The money situation will be tight, but i have friends that are willing to let me stay for months for free or cheap atleast, and once summer comes up, i can get another job and start to look at dorms if i dont have the money to keep supporting myself.