Should I completely move on or no...? Help :/

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by SUBLIMEtreat, May 21, 2010.

  1. Here's the story:
    I went out with this guy for like a year and a half. So anyway, we would fight a lot, we've had a LOT of rocky times (my parents don't like him, he doesn't have much money, at one point he had to move away for a few months, so on). Anyway... so about a month ago it kind of just got to the point where I was like I can't handle this relationship anymore, it's out of hand. All we did was fight pretty much, and I didn't get to see him much anymore because he worked so often because he can barely afford to live. I also was kind of ready to just move on and live the single life, ya know? So we broke up, he begged to me that he'd change or whatever but I wasn't feeling it. Since then I've talked to like one other guy off and on, and this one guy I know from when I go to South Carolina during the summer every year is coming up to visit next week.

    Here's the problem: I really, really miss my ex actually. I'm so tempted to like start talking to him again, and someone was telling me how his status today was along the lines of I hope the day will come when she I look and see her text me... so I know he misses me. But I'm literally so scared to get into this relationship again because it was just shitty, like I loved him... but we fought SO much. And also... now that my "friend" from SC is coming to visit next week, I don't really want to start talking to my ex again either.

    I just really don't know what to do at this point. I love the single life, but I literally think about my ex ALL the time and I get so upset about not being with him... I'm so stuck!

    What do you guys think I should do? Do you think I should text him or just stay single and try to get over him?

    Thanks for your help GC'ers <3 (Sorry for the long post.)
  2. do what your heart tells you is right.

    I would talk to him, just as a friend first off. if it progresses you have to tell
    him exactly how you feel. you definitely do not deserve to be walked all

    about your friend, have fun and don't feel like you are obligated to only talk to one person at a time, you ain't married.

  3. I feel what you're saying and this is good advice. The thing is, with my ex... he like refuses to be just friends with me. He's like one of those guys who can't be friends with an ex-girlfriend. I have tried repeatedly to just take a break and be friends but with him it's either breakup or be together... that's why it's so hard.

    I think what I'm gonna do is like wait until after my friend visits and see how I feel... maybe I just need some more time or something.

    Thanks so much for the advice dude.
  4. Just leave your ex alone he deserves better.

  5. word give it some time, and evaluate after you get out there and have some fun.

  6. I agree also. when my ex broke up with me it caused me a lot of pain. if you want to break up with someone you should think about it good before making the decision.

    what if you get back together and breakup with him again 2 months later or whatever.
  7. Sounds a little like naive love to be honest. If things aren't working out they'll most likely wont.

    He wont be friends with you? Girlfriend or nothing? That's even idiotic as well.

    It seems the two of you need a little maturing. Then again im not really getting a good grasp of the story.

    Give it some more time. If you continue to constantly have that urge to talk to him, then do it. Get it over with. See what happens.

  8. How would you know if my ex deserves better when you don't even know what kind of person I am...? I happen to be a genuinely caring person, and I care about him a lot. It's not fair for me, though, to put myself through the stress of fighting all the time, which I was being put through for 2 years almost. When I say stress, I mean he would pick a fight over EVERYTHING. If I was with any other guy BUT him, even if it was with girls and they were STRICTLY friends... he would literally go bizerk. He would get mad over the smallest things and make it into a big fight. He would get mad if I went out drinking with my girl friends for a night out or whatever or even if I was just hanging out with my friends that are GIRLS, like just chillen. It was putting so much stress on my life... like if I didn't answer his texts within an hour because I was sleeping or busy, he would automatically assume I was cheating on him. He constantly assumed that I was cheating on him, and I couldn't handle it anymore. That's why I broke up with him.

    Since we've broken up he's texted me saying that he will change and all that and that he's gotten more mature since he realizes how much he misses me. It's not like I was just a complete bitch who broke up with him and is now like oh well I miss him so I'm just gonna go back out with him... I had legit reasons and they were very justifiable. He's even admitted that they were justifiable.

    I'm just on the edge about whether I should rekindle our relationship... I guess I'll take all of your advice into consideration and think about it.

    P.S. It's pretty fucking rude to go and say that he deserves better when you don't even know who I am. It's one thing to say oh well that wasn't nice or whatever, but don't go saying he deserves BETTER. Like seriously? Fuck you, forreal, get your facts straight before you go and insult people.
  9. Lol you're letting his post get to you a little too much. He's just trolling/being an ass.
    People are too serious :(
  10. #10 TheDankery, May 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2010
    Dude sounds like a classic case of the jealous, controlling type. Why do you want to go back to someone who apparently fought with you over every little thing for nearly two years? Generally speaking, jealous douchebags don't easily change into chill, laid-back dudes. I imagine sometime in the timespan you were with him that he probably said he'd change and stop being so controlling - which would later turn out to be false as he would gradually slip into his old behaviors - but, hey, I might be wrong.

    So yeah, I would say you should move on. That guy is so obsessive and controlling that he can't even be a friend to you, he has to either be your boyfriend or nothing... I don't see what aspect of your relationship screams out "let's try that again".
  11. I think regardless you need more closure than you were given so talking to him should happen. You should figure out where he is in life and if nothing has changed than the relationship most likely won't work out. On the other hand, if he's changed for the better, or even shows steps towards success, then you'll have to make your own decision.

  12. I disagree. The heart is rash, illogical and easily manipulated. If you use your brain instead, you see that no matter how much you love/miss somebody, they're just no good for you. I've been in the same kinda situation, the girl I love most in the world is bad for me. Always arguing and she blows it up to a huge deal over nothing, cheats on me, lies to me etc. If I did what my heart told me I'd still be in that self-destructive cycle.

  13. it's hard to detect nuances via interwebz... I understand this and what you said, and what I meant is right in line with that. I guess what I meant was do what you THINK is right for you emotionally.
  14. My advice is to give him another chance but make sure you let him know if he fucks up again then it's over. I once had a friend who was a complete douche to his gf and she broke up with him then he realized what he did wrong and she gave him one more chance. Now they are very happy together right now
  15. unhealthy relationships are never cool.
    is he a person you can truly see yourself with?
    is your heart true to him.
    we all come across tough decisions but matters of the heart should not be taken lightly.
    if you go back to him is it because of comfort, running back to what you know.
    Or are you truly able to grow with this person.
    all questions to ask yourself.

  16. OP, I know you may love him, but you need to think about what's good for you. It sounds like he's an extremely jealous and manipulative individual. You were smart to break it off the first time, and it's a matter of self-respect if you go back with him. He may claim that he'll change, but (trust me on this one) it's highly unlikely. Most likely thing is that he might put on a good-boy attitude for the first couple of weeks, but he'll go right back to the way he was. I think he's just contacting you b/c he's lonely and he'll think that you'll come back. He thinks you're the easy way out of singledom.

    My Mom went through this cycle for 7 years, and nothing good EVER came from it. She lost her friends, family, and even her kids at one point. It was always the same routine. She'd break it off, and then he'd come back begging to get with her, claiming he'd changed, and he never did. The question is, do you value yourself enough to know when something isn't good for you, even though it may feel good sometimes? Love can be powerful and confusing, but you need to remember that your emotional well-being is priority, no matter what. Good luck, OP. I hope this helps. :)
  17. If he's that jelous, he probably always will be, and it will only worsen imo.

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