Self-realization?

Discussion in 'General' started by Wet Horse Lips, Jan 25, 2009.

  1. I don't even know.

    I don't really give a care what anyone thinks, to be honest. Most of you probably won't even read this, yet alone skim over it.

    Anyways, I had an experience yesterday (Saturday, Jan 24th, 2009) that sort of made me realize something.

    At 10 AM, I had two guys over to smoke all day, since my parents were gone till today (Sunday, Jan 25th, 2009). The plan was to smoke as much, as many times as possible. My one friend and I split on a quarter, which was enough for the day.

    So, we go up to my garage as per usual and start getting high.

    But brrr, it's cold up there, so we decide to relocate to my sunroom, which is still cold, but luckily a space heater was had, so it was all good.

    ANYWAYS, my brother starts fucking laying into me, saying he'll rat on me to the 'rents if I smoke "in the house". So I tell him off, etc. All is good. We continue our adventure.

    So, the other part of the plan was to order in Chinese food, because we all know it's some of the best stuff to eat. I call up Country Kitchen, but they don't answer 'cause they weren't open yet. So during that time we discuss how we are gonna pay. I said we could all get combo platters since they look good, and WTS suggested we get 'em.

    So, WTS has no cash but I don't mind since the plates are only like $8, and a hungry stoner is an unsatisfied stoner. ANYHOW, my other friend says we should get only two and share 'em since there's a lot of food. So I agreed, and asked if we had money. He said he didn't, so I was like, whatever, it can't be more than $20 for all of it (it came to $20.92, LOL + delivery charge which I didn't factor in).

    We get the food and literally demolish it. There was a bit of leftover chicken fried rice, so I put it in the fridge for later.

    The day continues on, with us getting high repeatedly, and eating everything in my house that looked like it could be edible as well as tasty.

    Dinner time rolls around, and chips won't satisfy, so I figured we can get pizza or something. My other friend came over soon after. I, however, am low on funds, and couldn't afford a bunch of pizza. So, I asked my one friend who just came over if he could get me some garlic bread of Little Caesars. He says he was just gonna pay back the other guy (who "couldn't" pay for Chinese) and to ask him. I asked him for crazy bread.

    He said no. What the fuck. I buy him lunch, more than half the pickup, and let him chill in my house all day, and he can't buy me a $4 bag of shitty garlic bread? Oh, and then afterwards he ate the rest of the refrigerated rice.

    No one cleaned anything up, I did it all. Messes everywhere.

    I vacuumed, disinfected, scrubbed, polished, everything.

    On top of it, my brother had his friend over, and they left all their garbage and everything everywhere, all the while attempting to boss me around and lord over me.

    Back to the relevance of the title. I realized that perhaps I'm being used? People walk all over me. The one guy who always comes over ALWAYS tries to hit me, freak me out, yell at me, anything to trip me out, and I don't do shit about it 'cause I am baked. And they all laugh, it's great. Fucking hilarious. Last night was not an exception.

    Usually I'm passive, and I try to be non-violent. I just feel like smashing something right now. I get walked all over and no one thinks twice about, because hey, it's just me, I won't mind.

    So after all this stupid shit, my parents come home, use their party-detecting skills and presume I've had a party. They get pissed, all because they THINK I did. They get pissed... at me? AT ME? For cleaning the entire house, for NOT having a party, for keeping everything as under control as possible? The fuck is that?

    I'm not mad at them, 'cause they aren't aware I seshed here all day (they'd shit, for real). I'm just mad at the whole situation. You all may not understand, but if you do, then you know.

    I'm outta school now, and whatnot, so I need to try and work as much as possible to save for University. I don't have time for this shit, and Im seriously rethinking my lifestyle. All I do is smoke weed, go to school, do really well there, and save for uni. Why am I at fault? I don't even know. I don't care. Fuck it.

    To boot, I'm quite happy being by myself. I can live content. I wish I had a girlfriend to hang out with or something, take my mind off of this shit, because frankly, the meaning of "friends" is just a crock of shit.

    Fuck, the joy of being 18.

    Anyways GC, when you get treated like this, you start to think. My advice? Fuck everyone. Do it for yourself. Numero uno. As bad as it sounds, the world ain't slowing down for anyone, and don't think you are different.

    Anyways, I'm done my long ass rant. Sorry for the all the cussing. I can best express myself in writing. I think I'm going to start writing a memoir or something. If I can remember the past two years of my life; they've been a damn haze.

    Keep smoking GC, do it for yourself. Be yourself. I know I don't plan on stopping anytime.

    Oh yeah, if anybody would like to PM me and discuss this, I could use a severe reality check right now.

    Sorry for the long rant.
     
  2. Sounds like you have some unappreciative shitty friends to me and you should find some new ones. The dude who ate your chinese food and then wouldn't cough up 4 bucks for some bread sticks needs to get shit on.
     
  3. dude its so nice to know someone came to the same realization I did...

    I assume you are like me and generally nice to everyone, and a very loyal and generous friend.

    Its really fucked up that being nice is a social weakness in most of society. Whatever happened to comradery?

    I got walked on a lot by some people that I thought were my friends but I realized the same shit. You gotta look out for yourself, which is something I didn't really do. I'm not out to please other people, I'm just friendly to anyone and will smoke whoever up if I can.

    I'm on the same quest to find just one real friend. Someone who will always have my back no matter what, and that truly enjoys being around me with no gimmicks involved.

    hardcore +rep for the maturity involved in those thoughts.
     
  4. I'd say the realization you've come to is a bit drastic. You don't need to go from a selfless, compassionate individual to a selfish egoist. Life is about moderation. If you feel you're being taken advantage of, don't get angry or frustrated--tell your friends in honest, simple terms what is bothering you about their behavior. Stay calm but firm. You'll find that many of your perceived betrayals of friendship are actually just misunderstandings stemming from bad communication. You can gain their respect and stay the same person by firmly standing up for yourself in such situations. Just take a deep breath and say something like this: "Well man, I know you're short on cash, but we all are. I just forked out 20 bucks so we could all eat Chinese, it'd be nice of you to return the favor. Is that asking too much?" Learning to deal with this kind of situation requires finding a balance between being passive and aggressive. Moderation.
     

  5. I've experienced it before, it's a really shitty realization. You just have to distance yourself from those friends, stick with your best friends who you know won't fuck you over or use you. Life will be a lot better if you can do that.
     
  6. fuck, stand up for yourself

    i woulda asked that asshole to leave after he ate the rest of the chinese food

    and your siblings trying to lord over u?

    fuck that, tell them u'll whoop them or something

    get new friends, it might take a while, but it's worth it

    or, new friends might find u

    ya never know
     
  7. It is all about you bro..

    youre the only one who feels what you feel.. if youre unhappy, you have to do something to change the situation.

    i too am learning that part, i dont get walked on but my life aint what i want it to be..so i gotta do soimething to change it.

    finding that something is the tough part, but it sounds as if you already have.;);)

    good luck bro, smoking herb, working and saving for school is the best plan you could be doing man..youre good in my book

    keep tokiin:smoking::smoking:
     
  8. Yeah dude, your a good friend as am I. I noticed I get shit on alot too, I just move on and find new, mellow stoners, who have money.

    This weekend I am going to chill with 10 older stoners, like 45+ in age, and Im only 20, so I bet it will be fun.
     
  9. most friends aint friends bro.

    my "truest" friends even showed their true colors.

    when one of em never had a ride, id always pick him up, smoke all my weed, kick it with him whenever. now, when my insurance dropped me and he has a car now, all of a sudden hes always tired. or he doesnt have gas. he doesnt throw up on a sack 90% of the time. lately he barely ever picks up the phone or asnwers the door or anything. new years i filled his tank up and bought a quarter ounce so we could hit spot after spot and go to all the different parties. well that changed because one of our friends almost broke his neck falling down the stairs off some bars. he told me if i need a ride to let him know. well the next day i needed a ride, he said he was tired. i happen to get a ride from someone else and happen to ride by his house. and i see his car pulling out of his driveway. so im texting him as we're behind his car, and he texts back saying hes knocked and has work tonight. this was a good friend for likr 7 years. X'ed that ***** off my list.

    my other friend was a good ass friend except for when i got jumped because HE was saying racist shit to these mexicans, and he bitched out and dissappeared in the crowd. then fast forward to last year. this chick likes me but i dont really like her. i KNOW he liked her, and all he had to say is that he did and it was all good. but whenever i asked him he would be like naw naw shes just cool, shes just calling me to talk about you. well whenever she did call, it was because i didnt asnwer my phone so she tried to get him to give me the phone ( i know because she told me). well this dumbass would walk away really fast and talk for like 20 minutes and then come back and id ask him who it was, and hed make some shit up. and id be like come on man, i dont care that youre trying to get at her, at least dont be so fake about it. he always tried to deny it. he would always ask me to go to her house so we can smoke up her weed supposedly, but he just tried to use me as a reason to go over there. i always said no. so, the bitch ends up just using him to get her weed, hed be driving around all day looking for a sack and waste his gas, and shed be like good lookin out, BYE.

    then one day she got mad at me over some shit and she made up some shit that i talked bad about him behind his back. and he believed her over me. so i told his bitch ass 1st if i had something to say to him i would say it to HIM and not to anyone else and he should know that, and 2nd why the fuck would i be telling that bitch anything about my suppoed homie. after that, i stopped chillin with that ***** for the most part. i havent seen him in months and i really dont care.

    oh and that ***** stopped smoking weed because one of our old friends moved back into town. because that friend was against weed and my old "homie" had no one else to hang out with. what a fucking ass kisser.
     
  10. Those are some fake ass friends.
     
  11. Sometimes man, enough is enough. I recently lost of friend of 20 years because he wouldn't pay me for 1/2 a zip I gave him. Shit man, I was the best man at his wedding, but now that I think negatively towards him, I think he probably just asked me because he knew I'd get him strippers. Anyway man, if a friend isn't willing to do anything for you, it's probably best to keep him at a distance to minimize damage.
     
  12. Um, yeah dude i think you need another fucking realization. do you have an idea how much i have been spending for you guys to get high? i dont like to spend 200$ every week, you wouldnt either. i still have to fucking earn my money, you never say thanks when i pay, you guys always go out without me, with the weed I PAY FOR. and you never asked us to help you clean.
     

  13. I have realized that, and I know you hate spending all that cash.

    You don't gotta buy shit all if you don't want to.

    Thing is, why not throw in extra? You have an ungodly job and you make a fuck load more than I. I try to throw in if I can, but I have a shit load of expenses, I get like no hours, plus I have overly suspicious parents who check my bank account and ask me where my cash went.

    I gotta put away most of my money for university anyways. You can't say I don't throw in. I do when I can. You keep all the weed anyways, I rarely ever have it. And when the fuck do we go out without you...? Everytime we sesh, it's the three of us for the most part. If you mean when we sesh after school, well, heck, maybe you should've stayed in school.

    Fuck, it's not even about the weed at this point. In fact, it never really was.

    Whenever we all hang out, I'm the fucking scapegoat. I'm the one Cole tries to trip the fuck out of so everyone can have a laugh on me. It's not fucking funny. I'm sick of it. Make fun of me, imply I'm stupid, whatever. You've said and done your share of stupid shit, and I've rarely if ever called you on it in front of everyone, because I don't feel it's necessary, or because everyone's entitled to their stupid things they say when they're high. Maybe I should centre you out, so you know how I feel, eh?

    Oh, and I probably should have asked you to clean up with me, but it doesn't really matter too much, since you know, my dad found an untwisted paper clip (that was not made by me) covered in resin today, in the sun room. So he is aware what we were up to on Saturday. And he is slightly pissed.
     

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