Hey all, could anyone help a brother out and throw some tips on a relationship? I feel sometimes the best advice comes from strangers, their opinion tends to seem unbiased due to not knowing each person. So I'm 24 years old, have a good job, a house, a dog and no kids. I've been with her for about 3 years now, were engaged. I just feel like the relationship is on it's way out, were just not on the same page about anything, and I feel forced to jump on her page of the book, not mine. I'm not a bad person, I support us by paying the majority of the Bills, she pays for groceries though. I cook all the meals for us unless she wants to eat out, and I clean the house, we split dishes and laundry. I am not perfect believe me, but I try to be the best I can, it just seems like it's never enough. She just has the worst attitude when it comes to anything, I should have taken the red flags sooner but I had Hope's it would get better. I was told I had to ask the big question by a certain date or she would leave, and it had to be a certain ring. Which was very expensive. She didn't put it in those words but that's what she meant, she did say "if it's not this size ring I will say no". I was stupid and just went with it, bought the ring, asked the question by a certain date. That along with other minor red flags that points to a very bad future for me. She is an angel around people, my family loves her, they haven't seen her behind closed doors, the way she acts about everything, the way she truly treats me. She is a good girl as long as she gets what she wants, but if she doesnt get what she wants my life is a living hell. I dont know what to do, everything in my mind tells me to leave her now before we get married or have kids, but it's going to be hard as hell, it wont be an easy break up. I just dont know what to do, I cant talk to her about it, the argument will get turned around and be my fault somehow. Honestly most of her family knows how she is and probably wouldn't blame me for leaving, but I care too much and I feel like I wont have the stomach to just rip the bandaid off and tell her to leave. I just dont know what to do, and I feel trapped. Every day I think to myself how much freedom I would have, I could be myself again and not feel like I have to suppress my true self to keep her happy. The idea of not answering to anyone, and only worrying about myself, it seems like it would be a weight off my shoulders. But in the same sentence I would be lonely as hell, an empty house, and nobody to talk to. Advice anyone?
IMO Leave her. Don't go bang a few hoes and get herpes. Focus hard on work and projects for a while and wait for a real winner to come along. Just my 2cents
thinking about it to be honest, I'm just too nice it seems. I care too much about how she will feel after, and I will be worried about her. But I think I need to focus on myself
OP - Ignore all other things and people in your life until you have done the following: Build yourself a chair. You'll find a clarity you never knew you had. ...and there's yknow...you get a chair.
Wow your not asking advise from someone who is qualified ? That is not a very educated and I don't see the wisdom in making this thread . These threads are always one side of one persons feeling .. Feeling are not based on facts and are the most deceptive thing on earth . You have no idea who is giving you advise , some are women haters and others are men haters . You don't want advise from someone who sits on there ass all day behind a key board while there house is a shit hole and they have zero social life . Straight up, If I was with someone and they had to run down they're relationship they have with me in a world wide public forum I would be super pissed .. Certain parts of a relationship is very private and your stepping across the line .. If you are as mature as what you say you are , job home cooks meals then you are mature to figure this out on your own .. Your love for your relationship is your love and not ours ,,no one in here is going to loose any sleep no matter how your relationship turns out ... This is my advise. Make moral decisions always ,, which none of us is perfect. . Not perfect either means you have to be humble and forgiving yourself and toward her short coming's . Be educated and use your wisdom or be wise … The above statement means think with your head but let your heart guild you . Sometimes there is not right decisions , what ever you do someone will be hurt . You need to sit down with her and figure this out between the two of you . You should be best of friends already ,,, and this should be talked about in private as such .. Both of you need to be honest and if you do separate you might getting back together because you didn't realizes what you had or have . Hope the best for everyone involved .. Posting this thread might be something she will not be willing to except someone telling everyone anything about her private life .. People do this all the time ,but in the long run your personal life only works if you keep it respectful and private . Good luck ....
My advice is to confront this now and not wait or put it off anymore. You need to be adult and conduct yourself in a way you would want someone to act towards you, but you need to confront this and not accept anything less than the two of you understanding and acknowledging that a problem exists. Maybe to do this means you both need to go to a couples therapist in order to insure everything gets aired out and confronted? Ultimately you both need to have equal say in setting boundaries about how the two of you will treat each other. I’m guessing she has always been the bossy one in your relationship and you let her get away with it. You will be amazed at how much better your relationship will be when you take an equal part in dictating how the relationship exists And If you stepping up and exerting yourself and your needs into the relationship is a problem for her then you should count yourself lucky you’re figuring this out now.
True Dat. I fucking hate both...I could be like...luring this person to their doom. The chair. Of doom. Make the chair, kid. You need it.
Really its over and you made it over , if she reads what you wrote she will take this as you stabbed her in the back ...
I didn't read any further than this before saying out loud "no, leave, run!" I know girls like this and they don't change. They want to be supported and cared for without doing much of their own to cart the horse. Some fairytale life type shit that dont exist. DO NOT marry her so long as you feel this uncertainty. Do you really want that forever? She's always gonna want more and more and more and it seems like she knows how to get her way with you. You're stable and can easily find someone else. Also if someone gives you an ultimatum like that, hell no.
You got that right ! And it will be from now on if you marry this girl... You need to stand up for yourself and let your feelings and opinions out in the open NOW ! When anything she says or does annoys you, DON"T hide your feelings and DON"T let your frustrations bottle-up inside you for the next 15 or 20 years,and then let it explode....Best to let it explode NOW, and see if it can be worked out, or not.
Bro this shits pretty much sealed signed and delivered. Just count yourself lucky you figured it out before you married or worse yet had a kid. Although check into the state laws cuase there might be some bullshit that if you've cohabitate long enough she gets half. And you think your life is miserable when she's upset? Then it's only going to be massively worse when she's entitledly pissed off.
In my country we have saying. Said if bitch pissing you off now. She going to piss you even more once she have security.
Sounds like youre doing pretty damn good for being The Can Man? “Advice anyone?” As far as advice over a woman that wants things all her own way, a specific expensive diamond and throws a Bitch Fit if she doesnt? Youll most likely not want to hear it but the advice is stupid simple - ITS TIME TO FUCKING MAN UP AND PUT YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FOOT DOWN. Youre not a damn teenager enthralled by pussy any more are you? Dint get me wrong - pussy is all fine and dandy but you really gonna be a womans little bitch the rest of your damn life? Sounds like SHE is the man, son, and youre her little bitch - at least in her eyes. Be a damn man and tell her how the flying fuck its gonna be - Or not. Your call. Thats the way it is tho, whether you want to hear it or not. Ive been married 28 years in 2 weeks and with my girl around 35+ and raised a family so lemme tell ya - a relationship is a 2 way street and for either to be as demanding as she sounds aint gonna work dude - again, unless youre into the whole Submissive thing. Hey - some guys are. Sorry honey, Itll never, ever happen again honey. Oh, sheesh, so sorry - I’ll scrub behind the toilet on my day off after I go shopping and get the rest of the housework done. Lemme go get my frilly apron... J
Ive got to disagree Mr. Sade. Op doesnt need to ask - asking time is long over. Its time to TELL HER. J Edit: btw - i kid... Lol My woman would slap the shit outta me lol. - and i wouldnt blame her.