random derealization

i started smoking weed in january of this year, mostly just socially.
i've been doing it 2-3 times each week. the last time i smoked was on friday, and i only took a few small hits because i didn't want to get that high.
on saturday i was at work and was in the middle of telling my coworker a story when all of a sudden it felt like i was dreaming. i was really lightheaded and it almost felt like i wasn't inside my own brain anymore. it was like i was on the outside, just watching, instead of being in control. i could still do things and say things i wanted to, but it was more like i was on autopilot rather than consciously making decisions.
it did feel like i was high in that sense, but without the feeling of relaxation and painlessness. it was just like if i smoked and only got a little head high, and nothing more. but i wasn't even laughing or completely euphoric like i am when i'm actually high, i was just confused and felt trapped. it was terrible.

my responses and movements were noticeably slow, which i know because my manager was giving me weird looks and would ask me things multiple times because i wouldn't respond the first time. i remember things from last night. i pretty much remember all of them. but it was all in a trance like state. i just wanted to wake up from it. although i felt high, it was extremely uncomfortable and a little scary.

this just feels terrible and it happened again the evening of the next day, and twice again today. for the majority of the day i have been in a complete trance. i don't know what's wrong with me, and i don't know if it means i should smoke more or stop smoking all together. i really don't want to stop, but i don't want to continue if this is going to keep up. i've read about people feeling like this for months straight, and i can barely deal with a few hours.

i just want to be back in reality, because this in between feeling is torture. i've been trying to use certain exercises i used back when i had bad anxiety, like bringing myself to the present by touching things, smelling things, feeling cold things, etc. but none of it seems to be working.

i know this can be something that new smokers experience, so does that mean it will go away if i smoke more? i don't want to fuck up my brain forever. also it's not possible for me to smoke everyday right now, so at the most i can do 3-4 days a week.

 

i'm not assuming it's a dangerous reaction, i'm assuming it's exactly that. i have googled and done my own research as much as possible and all i've really gathered is that it has happened to other people. nothing on how to make it stop or wake up from it.

 

it's just a terrifying one. I was able to "come back to reality" for a few minutes by drawing for awhile, which usually calls me down. but as soon as I stood up and started doing other things, the "high" came back and I'm trapped feeling like this yet again. the room is spinning and everything looks blurry.
would this really stop if I don't smoke for awhile? I'm so scared this is never going to end

 

i'm 19 and i have no idea about my family history. i was diagnosed with depression about a year or so ago, and i do believe that i've experienced anxiety as well. but my anxiety was never as intense as my depression was.
i haven't smoked since friday and i'm feeling a lot better now. yesterday the derealization lasted pretty much all day, and last night i came across this article and it answered pretty much all of my questions and fears.
i don't know if today has been better because i better understand what's happening to me now or because of not smoking but either way it looks like i'll be fine.
i am going to take your advice and try to find the right dose for me as well. how are you supposed to smoke as a newbie anyway? do you need to build up a tolerance or something before you can start smoking 3-4 times a week? i'll probably just start with once and week and see how that goes but i know there will be times where my friends will want to smoke more than just once a week.

 

how about irregularly?