So, since i tend to ramble on sometimes, i'll try to make this short and to the point. Baby mama and i split up for good about a month ago. We were trying to work shit out, but i couldn't get past what she did back a few months ago. Her non stop lying just made it all that much worse anyway, since i finally ended everything, i started talking to this young lady who's sister i work with. She knows i have a kid and some minor stuff about the baby mama drama. Well i found out from a friend of mine who works with us, that the sister (my co worker) told her that apparently this girl (the one i'm talking to) is really freaked out by the fact that i have a kid. Here's what i don't get. When i mentioned that i have a son, she said "oh i didn't know you had a kid" I assumed her sister would've mentioned THAT little detail about me but whatever. SO i straight out asked her if she felt uncomfortable with the fact that i was a father etc. Cause i know there are women and men out there that are completely against dating someone with a kid, and that's their choice. I don't hate on someone for that. But she said no it doesn't bother her. Why lie? Why not just tell me "yea you know what i don't know if i'm ready for something like that" ? I'm not looking for a step mom or a mommy for him. he has me, that's all he needs. Yes he has his mom too, but idk how long that'll last (different story for different time) So my question is for the ladies. Does dating a guy with a kid bother YOU personally? Is it the baby mama drama that scares y'all? Or just don't like kids? Don't worry i won't be offended lol oh yea good idea down there, i am 27 btw so keep that in mind too. the girl i'm talking to is 24
If I were young I wouldn't date a guy with a kid, mostly because I dont want the baby mama drama. I'm older now and have kids of my own, so its a different scenario.
Well.... I dont know exactly what to tell you. I have a kid, but I decided to give up on dating until I'm older because its not fair to date someone without kids at a young age. I'm 18 though so its a lot different then your situation. I mean 24 really isnt that young... is your baby mama the type to start shit with this girl? If she is then I'd say just date someone a little closer to your age or someone with a baby it'll be easier. Oh and yes, it is the baby mama drama that scares people. In the end its up to you guys. If she isnt comfortable with it she will tell you.
I will tell you my point of view, as a mom of 3 daughters who have in the past or still do date someone with kids. I think your are right, it's mostly the drama of the ex, them always being attached to your life by the kid, the fact that in one way, shape or form, the ex will be a permenant fixture the rest of your life. But, I think it's also the fear that they will put a lot of effort into the relationship, then one day the guy will think it's best for the kid to have both of his parents, and will go BACK to the ex. And all that time, especially if they grew close to the kid,...all that will be gone. My youngest daughter is seeing a guy that has 4 kids (!!!) and she is very giving and sweet to the kids, takes them places, and honestly is a better mom to them than their own mom...but that ex is constantly a shadow over their relationship, and there's that bit of fear that he'll go back to her in the end. And there's one MORE thing...when a guy already has a kid, or kids, he's "been there done that" and is usually not wanting any more. That's like a closed door to a girl that wants children of her own one day. Anyhow, sorry to give you so much to chew on...hope it helps.
I don't like kids or drama. If she's young she probably doesn't either. I just saw she was my age. Yeah, if she doesn't have kids I think she's not down with sharing your time and the "playing mommy".
hm very interesting, i do appreciate the input. Never thought of the whole fear of going back to the ex thing. Not me, but they don't know that about me. This is why, i guess, i'm a little upset. So i always thought, and maybe i was very wrong in this, that GUYS who have kids have an easier time dating as opposed to WOMEN who have kids. You kinda know what i'm talking about? of course there are plenty of exceptions, it just figures the 1st girl i actually like, just happens to be one of those people. Nothing wrong with it, just kinda weird way to go into the single life. I'm not looking for anything serious any time soon. just play everything by ear. my baby first, everything and everyeone else after. I have no problem drawing that line. p.s. yea, my ex/baby mama is a psycho who i expect PRETTY much anything from. Honestly, i'm prepared for some loraina bobitt (sp?) type shit.....never a good hting either
little update i guess, this chick has ACTUALLY been the one to text me every day. So she must have some sort of interest. We'll see, we'll see i got a party on fri at my house. Just a few friends. I invited her and her sister, we'll see if they actually show. Haven't had a little gettogether in a while anyway so it'll be nice
I hope it goes well with your girl Me personally, I just broke up with my guy, and everyone assumes it's because he has a baby coming. It isn't. I work with kids, and I spend a lot of time with my goddaughter. Some girls won't date you because of the kid. Some girls won't care that you have a kid. And some girls might even be interested more, because when they see how you are with the teacup, it shows how you are as a person.
That's great nitraw. Maybe she was freaked out about a child in her life, but your personality shadowed all doubt. good luck.
Well I sure have no problem with it. But some people arn't ready enough yet to even consider playing mom.
yea i don't want anyone playing mom. I already told myself that it'd have to be a serious relationship for at least a year before i even bring her around my son. he's got me, that's all he needs. Obviously mommy too, but i don't know how long it'll be before i just have full custody. Not taking her to court, unless i see a reason to, but i REALLY believe she'll reach a point where she just can't handle it and will hand over custody. But that's in a perfect world. In reality, i think she's gonna take me to court out of spite (she's good at that) and i'll fight tooth and nail and best believe i'll stop at nothing to win. And i will win, believe me on that.
i cant believe your ages. i became a mother when i was 18. im 23 right now and pretty much ALL of my friends have kids. ill freak out maybe if a guy has like 4 kids.. are you sure your not 17 and 14???
[quote name='"nicolerrico"'] i cant believe your ages. i became a mother when i was 18. im 23 right now and pretty much ALL of my friends have kids. ill freak out maybe if a guy has like 4 kids.. are you sure your not 17 and 14???[/quote] That's insulting. Alot of people my age don't have kids and I am 24.Personally, I won't date someone with a child, I don't need that kind of baggage. I don't know why you had to take it a step further and accuse him of being underage because he's having trouble dating... it happens to everyone who tries for a new relationship after they leave the mother/father of the child.
First, lots of respect for how you're handling the situation and prioritizing things for your son. Not everyone does that, and I think he's lucky to have a father like you. I haven't dated anyone with kids, but I wouldn't not date someone because they have one. I'm 22, and my attitude would be to see where things went (like any other relationship) and then, only if things got serious, want to be introduced to your kid. I love kids, but I think not bringing around girls you're dating until you know that it's something more than casual is a really healthy choice for your son.
i wasnt trying to insult him or accuse him of being underage, who knows maybe in other places its different. i just have trouble believing poeople in their 20s care so much about having kids
I can't see myself dating someone with a kid anytime soon. I just like a lot of freedom and not having to worry about things. Although I think it's great when parents want to be part of their kids life, theres also a lot of time and responsibility involved and I'm just not looking to date someone with that kind of commitment.
i just made my first thread in here, and this is my first thread i checked out.. i can relate to things.. im 28 years old and im a mommy of a 7 year old. I believe the girl lied and said she wasn't freaked out cause she wanted to come across cool and mature or she didnt mind when she first said it and then spent time thinking about it once she had time. or maybe she is just worried about the baby mama drama. none of us can really answer the questions cause were not her, but in my opinion, she is just to imature and not ready to take on step mommy responsibilities.. best of luck! and check out my post!
[quote name='"nicolerrico"'] i wasnt trying to insult him or accuse him of being underage, who knows maybe in other places its different. i just have trouble believing poeople in their 20s care so much about having kids[/quote] Yeah, well, you have a child so dating someone with a child isn't a big deal. It is to me. I'm still young, trying to get my life together before all that. Besides. I don't have a motherly instinct at all. I don't understand why it's so hard to grasp that girls at my age, who have no children, might not like the idea of being with a father. And whoever said she was immature and not ready to play step mommy... maybe she just doesn't want to play mommy to anyone else but her future children. Or maybe she'd rather enjoy her young life and not have to spend precious time raising someone else's baby and being involved in something like that. I'm selfish, yes, but not immature.
Plenty of people in their 20's don't want kids. My older brother is 29, works as an engineer, and still has never been married or wanted kids, so it's pretty bogus to say that only immature people don't want kids . Some just don't want to be tied to a woman in such a way. Unless you truly plan on spending the rest of your life with somebody, you shouldn't have a kid with them, the way family law is set up. And there's problems with coming into the life of a child that isn't yours, they may resent you, you might not get along, it could drive a wedge between you and the child's father/mother. So can you really not understand why people in their 20's are concerned about children?
as i've pretty much confirmed it through the sister (even though i asked this girl twice whether me having a son or the baby mama drama would bother her and she said no) that the baby mama drama is what really freaked her. Ok lol just don't get WHY she just couldn't tell me herself. That's never a good sign anyway, if this chick couldn't be straight forward with me. NEXT haha no i'm not even in a hurry to find someone. Someone comes along, great but i'm not going out of my way to bang or date anyone. I got my hands full with other stuff. All in due time....