I've been smoking for almost three years, and my boyfriend for a little over five. Two weeks ago, I decided to quit cigarettes, I'm tired of being so tied down by them. He's always told me that he can quit absolutely whenever he wants to, but now that push has come to shove, he said that he needs someone there to make sure he doesn't smoke anything. We don't live together, so I can't exactly monitor his smoking, nor is that something I want to do. He's told me that he would quit twice in the past week and a half, and he's either bought or bummed cigarettes since. I have a hookah, and I smoke black and mild's on occasion. I don't smoke more than 6 coals per week, and maybe 2 blacks at the most. I wouldn't get so upset with him if he hadn't told me he was quitting, but when I get upset at him for not after him saying he would, he gets pissy and tries to turn it on me saying that I'm not quitting because I smoke other things. I used to smoke anywhere form 5-10, maybe even 15 cigarettes per day, and now I don't touch them. God knows I want to, but I won't let myself. I'm making myself get over it. Am I in the wrong for still smoking anything at all? He says he only smokes 3 a day, but I really do NOT see that coming from him. I need some outside input, thanks blades.
I recently helped my GF kick the cigarette habit. She had wanted to do it for a long time but I never pushed for it or judged her; never harassed her for smoking cigarettes even though I never picked up the habit myself. It's a give and take, saturated with compassion (in relationships). I smoke herbs and occasionally a good cigar and have zero tolerance for anyone telling me what to do! When she was about to quit she asked if I'd help her - which I did. She asked if I'd yell at her and snatch cigarettes out of her hand if she tries to smoke, I said no way. Because when this happens, the subconscious reaction is to then hide your desired habit from your partner. That's why I never harassed her for smoking - because then it only becomes something hidden from you, as your partner will find you to be too judgmental and controlling... even if they asked you to be that way! Ironic I know... Occasionally when we kick back the drinks she'll bum a smoke off our friends but this is maybe 1 cig every other week , a huge improvement from her daily habit. Again, no judgement from me when this happens because honesty and communication is what's most important in any relationship. I indulge occasionally in adventurous, dangerous or "unhealthy" habits and its just a part of who I am and the ideal partner understands that and visa versa. Ultimately it's about what the person wants. If HE wants to stop smoking cigs then he should, without any liability or blame put on you UNLESS you are firing up tobacco in his face, which is horrible for a partner to do to another if they're trying to quit. But no one should blame other people for issues with their own personal happiness, will power, etc. He needs to understand that if you decide to smoke tobacco on occasion, that's within your right and he must either accept that or leave if it's a deal breaker. IMO a lot of times when this type of situation occurs, one partner is (potentially unjustly) upset about a personal issue and becomes envious or jealous of their partner. IE he wants to quit, is struggling, and now butthurt because you still smoke tobacco... even though realistically, going from 15 cigs a day to just occasional smoking is a huge accomplishment. These are personal issues that can only be solved by the person. Best of luck.
I think the above post definitely covers the best way for you to involve yourself in breaking his habit, which is, don't involve yourself too deeply in someone else's personal decision. Quitting smoking is no longer smoking cigarettes. That is what is. You may become irritable. You may miss it. You may have the oral fixation to bring something to your mouth, and may end up eating more. But you don't need to be babysat. That's saying "I don't REALLY want to quit smoking, so I need someone I love to disapprove of it instead." Life in general is much tougher, hes gotta man up and just do it.
As for your end. You do what you want to do because its also your decision, to make, for yourself. If you don't think that you're replacing cigarettes, with other forms of nicotine and you really have quit, than have the occasional black and mild. But definitely be truthful to yourself, there's no shame involved, its all about what you want to do.
I just want to point out we had a convo on your status like 2 months ago and I told you if you quit you will feel soo much better Im glad you are realizing it's an unnecessary habit while you are still young. It gets easier and easier, but then again I quit at the same time as my girlfriend so I had no temptation for a long time (I was way more addicted then her, 1.5-2 packs a day) I used an e-cig for a couple months and then quit that permanently because I don't think those should be used long term either. Just make sure he knows how serious you are about quitting and it will work out. Good luck! edit: 14 months without a cigarette now and I aint goin back!
Take a look at this, its really surprising how the body can essentially "repair" itself from years of tobacco smoking.
hahahahahhaahhaha OP PREVIOUSLY SAID SINCE SHE DIDN'T SMOKE A LOTTA CIGS SHE DIDN'T MIND NOW LOOK...LIFES A BITCH
I don't think smoking is "wrong" period. But if you want to be free of cigarettes, it would be in your best interest to drop any tobacco all together. Don't get me wrong, you don't have to, and once in a while will probably leave you no worse for the wear, the problem is, addiction doesn't work that way. And don't kid yourself, you're absolutely addicted. The thing is, if you don't kick tobacco completely, you'll never get over the detox and cravings. You've said that you feel a strong desire to smoke. That's the hurdle, the detox. And it will literally last forever if you don't get rid of tobacco completely. You really want to do that?
Make sure hes not lying to you about it. My sis always tells me shes quit and next thing you know shes smokin behind me back. Why say your quitting if your not going to.....I dont get it?! Good luck to you guys tho! Think how much healthier you'll be in 20years