public notice

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of
drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you
cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home.
The answer to this puzzle is that you took the beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out
to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out
since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a
large

batch of these magical devices. The beer scooter works in the following
fashion:

The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer
scooter.

The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom
via
a
trans-dimensional portal. It is not cheap to run a beer scooter
franchise,

so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so
much money?'

Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible
for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An
undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals
dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

This generates the third question after a night out 'What happened?'

With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing Moments In
Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT
is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is
regained over a suitable period.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the scooter's
navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong
bedroom often with horrific consequences.

With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a
scooter drive-thru chain specializing in half eaten White Castles and
pizza
crusts. Another question answered!!

For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A- Lot Boots. These boots are designed in
such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake
up

your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into
every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains
the
ring barked shins.

The final add-in Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently
get
through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.

PS: Don't forget the on-board heater which allows you to get from the
bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a t-shirt.






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