Hello fellow stoners. i'm just looking for some constructive criticism on this poem i had to write. it's supposed to be a "shakespearian sonnet." (Be warned, it's my first attempt at poetry.) The sparrow, in vain, attempts to take flight But the chain of his master grips every limb Not a soul knows of the sparrow's plight As he sings his sad, forsaken hymn He turns to his friends, but his master is cruel He had forced on them veiling masks The jester, the king, the prophet, the fool The sparrow is left aghast The sparrow then asks, “Do they choose to hide their pure selves so?†The master responds, “They have nothing to lose, for I shall not let them grow.†The sparrow cannot leave his painful tether And the master continues to pluck at his feathers
Im usually a free verse kind of guy but you chose very good rhyming words without forcing them. Very good.
v. good man well done for your first attempt as well, impressive. hats off. like the guy above me i usually prefer free verse but this was cool, but does it totally fit the sonnet's rhythm? When i had to do one for my english my teacher was picky as hell about how it read out loud and stuff. Im not too knowledgeable on that aspect so can't crit it on that, but as a poem tis good man!
thanks guys. apparently either my teacher doesn't care about the rhythm or i got it right, because i made a 100 thanks for the feedback!
nice job, the poem is good but it isnt a true sonnet. Mainly because you dont meet the Iambic Pentameter. but a great attempt none the less :]