Passed urine, saliva and blood test (April 2017)

Discussion in 'Smoking Accessories Q&A' started by PeteEricson, Apr 12, 2017.

  1. I just recently passed all three tests for a job I just started at a hospital, and I thought I'd share my experience for anyone who is interested. I did not know how they would test going in, so I prepared for all three.

    So, I got the job offer three weeks before I was supposed to start, and there's no way I could pass any of the tests at the time of the offer. But, they let me pick the date for the drug screen AND physical, so I gave myself two weeks to maximise prep time.

    The first thing I did was, of course, stop smoking. I gave myself eight days to stay clean, as most online resources say a week should be enough to have clean blood and saliva. As for the urine, there was no way I was gonna piss clean - I'm a big guy and a daily smoker, so I researched the best fake urine on the market and decided to roll the dice on Test Clear's Sub Solution. I also went online and bought a pair of Stashitwear boxer briefs, which have a zipper pocket in the front to store a flask (or pee sample) in.

    I wasn't completely sure that the heating powder included with the Sub Solution was undetectable, so I decided not to use it. Instead, I went the trusty old hand warmer route, and tested several times with regular water to get the temperature right. I discovered that if I heated the Sub Solution to 95 ish degrees, a fresh toe warmer with adhesive would keep it a little above 100 for an hour and 15 minutes.

    So, I mixed the solution, tacked on the toe warmer and drove a half hour to the testing place, where I swapped out for another fresh warmer on arrival in case I had a long wait.

    Here's where shit went sideways - I arrived, and had no idea whether they'd start with the physical or the drug test, or how long I'd have to wait. So I get there, fill out my papers and watch the clock. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 40 minutes. 50 minutes. Suddenly, I'm deciding if I have enough time between them calling people back to run out and switch the toe warmer before my name gets called, and I'm getting pretty freaking nervous. Visibly uncomfortable. So, being a somewhat clever dude, I figure I might as well use it. So, I go to the counter and say, "Hey, is there any way we can do the drug test now? I came here ready to use the bathroom, and I'm not sure how much longer I can wait."

    She relents, and I go back to a potty closet to deposit my sample. They didn't even make me empty my pockets. I pull the sub out, and it's a little over 100, so I take the cap off and blow on it. It comes down into the 90s, I dump it in the cup and suddenly realize they might have me undress for my physical, so I move the now empty bottle to my back pocket and button it.

    Next, I'm sitting in a lab chair on my empty pee bottle as they take a blood sample and have me bite down on a drug stick. Then the physical takes place, where they have me strip all the way down to my boxers (thank God I put the bottle in my buttoned pants pocket!

    The doc finished up, I put my clothes on and threw away the bottle and toe warmers at the McDonalds down the street. Passed the test four days later and started work the following Monday. I highly recommend Sub Solution, and since you never really know if they'll draw blood or saliva test you, I highly recommend going a week without smoking up if you know you're getting tested. Hope this helped!
     

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