I'm sure this is just one of the millions of posts on the internet about the evils of opiate/opioid addiction, and you don't wanna hear it (especially if you are currently addicted), but please just fucking read this, because honestly, so many people, including myself, have had there life completely turned upside down and controlled by pain killer or heroin addiction. I got on subutex (similar to suboxone) eventually, once I got to the point where I had about $5 to my name and no friends (besides other pathetic junkies, who by the way, ARE NOT YOUR REAL FRIENDS). I've been on subutex for 3 months now and to be honest I have only recently began to not think about OC every fucking second of my life, including in my dreams. I think what really pulled me through all this bullshit (besides the subutex, which no doubt is a lifesaver), is what has been going on around me recently. I just talked to my cousin in California (who's the same age and has a lot in common with me) and he is currently in an intense and long (about 2 months) oxycontin rehab program/halfway house and thank god finally getting his life back on track, after going through hell for 2 years. He was taking up to six 80mg OC's a day (thats 480mg of oxycodone a day, the equivalent of 96 percocets a day!). Right before he went to rehab he was really messed up on oxycontin and hard liquor and went around a tight turn, nodded out, flew off the road and flipped and totaled his Audi. Thank god he didn't get killed, and realized his problem was spiraling out of control, and got help. Unfortunately, I had another cousin, Josh, who lived close to me and was horribly addicted to heroin for years. Eventually when he was 23 my dad and a family friend helped him get off the heroin, and he was taking subutex like me. Unfortunately he was still doing coke, oxycontin, and drinking while on the subutex. Now please don't get the wrong impression of my cousin, because he was one of the most real dudes I've ever known, he would do almost ANYTHING to help the people he cared about, and I don't mean other junkies, I mean for his family, including me. Unfortunately, he had severe mental issues (most likely bi-polar). A lot of people in my family have mental issues, including myself, and a lot of people in my family also have addiction problems (which obviously is the result of an attempt to self medicate, please don't go that route, it doesn't work). A couple of years ago, Josh, 25 years old at the time, came home (he lived with his mother and her boyfriend, both very loving people) and talked to his mom's boyfriend about detailing his car (they seemed to get along just fine). My cousin then walked upstairs to his bedroom. A couple minutes later he walked back downstairs into the dining room where his mother (my aunt) and her boyfriend were sitting. He stood next to his mother's boyfriend, and then shot him killing him instantly. He then started to walk out of the room and shot himself in the head, and dropped to the ground. He was in amazingly good shape his whole life and I think that might have had something to do with the fact he didn't die instantly, like my aunts boyfriend. A cop who had personally known Josh since he was a young boy was the first person to arrive at the scene. He kept Josh alive with a hand pump, telling him over and over to just hang in there and they would be at the hospital soon. Josh's eyes were open and he was aware of his surroundings, but unable to speak. He survived on life support in the hospital long enough for them to remove his organs (he was an organ donor), then was taken off life support (he had zero chance of recovery). My cousin died at the age of 25. He had so much life ahead of him and he just had no clue because he was in a fog of euphoria from the drugs. He was an amazing artist, photographer, wrote movies, was a stunt double, tattoo artist, not to mention a fucking genius. I lost a friend and a cousin that day. Now I am currently dealing with my BEST friend who I've been through thick and thin together. He has been lying to me for the last 3 months about his addiction to oxycontin, and recently stole from me. He was one of the nicest people I have ever met, but now he's honestly lost his soul to the dope game. He's a completely different person than I knew. He won't go to rehab and is trying to move to Florida very soon. He says hes going there for college but the college hes going to is 30 minutes from his mother and her boyfriend, who are both long term pill addicts. Where I live OC generally goes for about a dollar a milligram, which is extremely expensive compared to Florida. He currently lives with his grandparents. His father died when he was 1 and his mom moved to Florida when he was younger, and he chose to stay here with his grandparents. I am doing everything in my power to save my best friends soul. I beg him to go to rehab but he's just always too doped up to understand how serious of a problem he has. Last night I talked to a good family friend, who took in my cousin Josh when he was getting off the heroin. I told him what had been happening with my best friend, who he knows well, and we decided it wouldn't help if I said something to my best friends grandparents since I'm another young guy and they might believe my best friend's lies over me, and make me out to be the bad one. My family friend is 56 and he is going to go to my best friends house today and is going to talk to the grandparents about getting my buddy help. I pray my ass off that he will finally give in and get help, but to be honest, I'm not so sure that will happen. Losing my cousin to this madness is already more than enough sadness, and I really don't know how I could handle anyone else so close to me going down the same dark path. PLEASE, if you or anyone you know has a problem, get help! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I was going to post this thread on opiophile.org, but most of those people are in such denial, most wouldn't even read my post, or just post some asshole ignorant response. I know my mary jane loving brothers and sisters are more likely to listen so thats why I posted on this forum. God made herb, man made heroin and pain killers. Who do you trust?