Hey fellow blades! imma make this short and back fill you in the details some other time. I'm 25 and my g/f (soon to be ex) is 23. we had a almost 3 years ago whom i love with all my heart. However, my g/f (lets call her Jill for now) is a slob plain and simple. i tried to live with it, but she doesn't clean up after herself, she leaves dirty clothes everywhere, and is for all intents and purposes, useless when it comes to putting out on a regular basis. I have tried to clean up the whole house and "challenge" her to keep it clean, i've tried rewards, i've tried everything, but sadly, no dice. I have had it. i was raised better than this and i feel like this last 3 years of my life (save for the boy) have been wasted on trying to jump start this lousy excuse for a relationship. today i drew the line: once our lease is up on our apt, i am moving out and finding my own place to live. here's the tricky part: I live in VA, not the most toker friendly place on Earth by far, but it's where i came back to after my 4 years in the military. I really want to move to a 420 friendly state so i can grow my own and not have to worry about UCLEOs or dealers in general. but i would be almost a half continent away from my son, which i could do, but would kill me. I know that if we have a cusotdy battle I will most assueredly not get full custody, and i really wouln't want to, she's a great mom, but she's a shitty house keeper and generally unmotivated to do anything in life. I don't think she'd want to start a custody war either, so for now, that is off the table. I did tell her of my ambitions to grow however and am staring at almost a full cabinet's worth of supplies to get it going. therin lies the kinundrum of my situation: Do i go to a 420 friendly state so i know im safe, probably lose the opportunity to see my son for 6 months to a year while im getting myself established, or stay in VA, at the mercy of a woman whom i will have soon scorned and possibly end up in prison because she calls the cops on me? HELP GC! *edit* also, if i never grew (though i did plan on it. took me FOREVER to convince her that it wasn't going to have swat barreling in at 2 in the morning over one plant) but have the cabinet, supplies etc. can she use that as probable cause to get my new spot searched? Thanks in advance.....and remember folks: don't have kids till you know everything about the one you make em with! And PLEASE don't gloss over the small shit to not rock the boat...... -ROCHE-
If you want to leave her, do it, just keep things on good terms and she won't have any reason to fuck you over. I definitely wouldn't move across the country from my son, just to grow marijuana.
Well you know how the saying goes: hell hath no fury...... i'm sure that she wouldn't narc on me, b/c her brother burns green with the best of em, but i like to know my ass is covered. as far as moving just to grow: no that's not the entire story, because I absolutely hate VA as well. she's never lived out of her state and I know there are better (and cheaper) places to live than here. I would go crazy if i have to stay here my entire life, so i'm going to have to move eventually.
Maybe it would be worth it to consider couple's counseling? The stability of a constant 2 parent household is very important to children. If this is such a meaningful and important relationship in your life (which it clearly seems to be) then perhaps some couple's counseling is in order?
I agree with XVI.... But...if you have other reasons to move...do it. you wont be out of your sons life forever.
Are you asking us to decide for you on giving up your son or your dream to grow marijuana in a different state lolwut?
Perhaps consider an outside grow? Best suggestion would be for her to believe you have put the idea of growing to rest and do it via clandestine operations
Wow man, if growing a plant aka weed is more important then having a good relationship with your son...... no comment. Just gauge how she reacts to the breakup. I really doubt she wants to put her childs father in prison, because that means no child support check, no support for the kid whatsoever. Like you said she has no aspiration of doing anythign with her life, so she's gonna want you to still pay for the kids shit, she isn't gonna narc you out. She already thinks growing is a ridiculously serious offense that "swat is gonna storm the house at 2a.m. over 1 plant", so she obviously thinks you'd be going to prison for many years if caught.
I wouldn't just pack up and ditch immediately. Try living in VA away from lazy girl so you are free and still able to see your son whenever. I figure it takes about 6-8 months to fully harvest a plant right? After that decide what you want to do.
Thank you all for your advice, constructive criticism, and candidness on the subject. Some of you people make it seem like i said, "im planning on leaving my g/f and son forever." because i want to grow. I have plenty of time to grow (both the plant and myself) so i'm not worried about that, but i am going to want to move eventually, as stated before, I hate VA. im just saying should I just move and get it over with now and settle in where I know i will be environmentally happier, (due to the abilty to grow and that it will be cheaper to live and that the atmosphere is generally better for my well being in the areas i want to move to) at the cost of being separated from my son for 6 months to a year ( I plan on visiting via a flying in when i can so im guessing i would see him at least 4 times) but a better position to take care of him should he live with me in the future. i've pretty much made up mmy mind on what to do, but i just wanted to see what everyone else's ideas were. maybe there was something i didn't think about that would be better you know? Ulfhethnar pretty much nailed it on the head.
man, you gotta stay there for the son, she might be a good mom now since he's young.. But when he's 12-18 he will hate it. Trust me, if he gets a bad step dad, then he's fucked watching him do stupid shit or something, and having a dead beat mom.. Having a "dad" to look up to is what all sons need.
It should be custody law that in a custody battle custody of a son is granted to the father and girl to the mother. Cuz let's face it, kids need a member of their own sex to teach them how to grow up and be what they're supposed to be like.
Yeah i hear you man. my rent's broke up when i was at an early age, and my mom married an ex-big time drug dealer/gangbanger and he was shitty as father for a long time. he's comming around too late for me, but in time for my lil bro who's 11. I don't plan on being a deadbeat at all, i would gladly take my son with me if i knew i wouldn't be the only one out there with no support. My mom's here, both her rents and most of her family are here in VA too. i'd just be eaiser to have him stay if i were to move out of the state. I just feel like she isn't going to teach him shit but how to not succeed in life and accepting the minimum standard. A part i left out in the inital post, is that she is homegrown in this god forsaken state and all her family lives within 30 minutes of her for 3 generations.....going on 4. she is loathe to moving because (I'm guessing) she doesn't know anyplace better. also, back to one of my original questions:
I agree. I also agree that there should be two parents that should bring up a child regardless if they are together or not relationship wise. lets face it: my responsibility to my boy is no one's but my own and my soon to be ex. but what can you do when one wants to coast through life and the other want to make something of him/herself something's gotta give sooner or later. I'd rather do it now than wait and waste my life away "hoping" she changes.