I broke down and told my dad what was going on last night he said i'm probably just working myself all up but he would take me next week. All was good with that untill taday at lunch when I busted out crying for absoluty no fucking reason. I had to call my dad and get an early reales so I could go to the doctor today. SHe has no fucking clue whats wrong because she's a pediatritin but she's going to do some research on shrooms and give me a call later. I'm so exausted i've been crying alll fucking day. SHe also thinks it could be a thyroid thing because i've been losing weight for no reason. So from now on it's clean living and good eating. Like I told BPP fuck psyco shrooms and ixnay on the otpay
Well the doctor just called and she said she thin ks it is from thje mush and there's absolutly nothing she can do about it. Isn't that graeat. I guess there aren't any studies so I pretty much have to wait it out I guess
Sometimes you need to be more educated before you get into trouble. New things can be fun. When you ovcer due iot you need to know what may happen. I hope you get well soon sweetie!
IT has been quite the few days around heer. I 've been doing ALOT of thinking crying and talking and I have come to a few revelations. #1) I have been such a fucking idiot I can't even believe it. how could i put that shit in my body so many fucking times? Why didn''t I get the fucking hint in HAwaii when all my word would come out all jumbled and I always thought the ground was fucking moving? I'l tell you why because I totally forgot about the fucking four days in a row I tripped before I left. #2) I have spent the last three years in a fucking daze, basically just pissing my life away sitting on my ass. I'll never get that time back. #3)I don't need drugs to have fun. #4) I have hurt my family and friend and I can't take it back ever. I can't even remember how many times i've been a stupid bitch to my dad just because I felt like it or I ruined evryone elses time just because I wanted to leave so I could get stoned or go party. I didn't realize it at the time though. #5) Being so confused you can't evn eat some fucking cerael or watch tv is NOT fun. being so scared and anxious and nervous it feels like your heart is going to explode is not fun. SOmetimes I can't even watch tv or listen to the radio because it's too intense and it brings back all those shitty feelings. Some times the only way to stop bawling is to read a book to keep my mind busy untill I fall asleep. I am also really scared for my friends because they have been eating 2 or more days out of evry week and there is no way I can make them realize that they are fucking themselves up because that's some thing you kinda have to realize for yourself but i'm scared they arent going to realize untill it's too late. I wish I could take all those trips back more tahn anything i've done in my life but in life there are no do-overs and I think i'm learning to deal with that. I had alot more to say and when it comes back to me I'll let you know.
damn straight Zia. Girlie, it really is good that you're getting yourself together, as for the shrooms if it was those I don't think this happened just because of them. Probably a combination of things. I'm considering trying them soon (within days in fact) so I've been doing a lot of reading on them (www.erowid.org the best site ever). I've also been asking friends that've used them. They simply don't cause the effects that you're describing. They can make you have a pretty bad trip, especially if you take too much at once and/or have been having some bad experiences around the time of the trip, but they don't give you brain damage or any permanent effects (that they know about). I've seen a few things about lingering effects, but nothing as intense or serious as what's happening to you. I have read, however, that they can have bad effects on certain people, maybe you're one of those people and this is what they're talking about. Did you have any particular trip that was really, really intense for you? Perhaps something involving crying and an unbearable ego loss? If so then I'd have to guess you're having flashbacks. An underlying mental instability can also be a big factor when dealing with psycadelics. The substances themselves won't do that much to you permanently, but it can bring out and amplify any problems you already have. I suggest you stay away from shrooms, acid, or anything of the sort permanently and stay away from marijuana or alcohol for a month or so. Get your life together and slowly aclemate yourself to weed again. That way you won't have flashbacks from any intense experience that may have caused this anymore, at least not from the weed. Oh, and I've known people with similar symptoms as you, but without the visual discrepencies or trails or anything. It was brought on by a very depressing and traumatic experience. I myself have felt that way recently (including the crying and spontaneous emotions). I think I'm working my way out of it though. Which is why I want to try shrooms actually, I need a change of perspective very badly. I'm hoping this is the right reason to shroom, rather than just for recreation. They aren't inherently dangerous from what I can tell but they are not to be abused either. Someone once said to me "Respect the herb, respect the shrooms, and respect life, especially your own." Some of the best advice i've ever heard. There are definitely people here that care about you (as Zia has made clear). I really want you to keep us updated and give us any chance to help. Good luck 420Girlie. And don't give up the herb unless you have too.
Thanks guys I have had sveral very tense and very very BAD trips and I wasnn't sad or anything before I just go on these shroom binges or eat way too many. I think the last bad one might have been the worst though. My parents were out of town and my boys came over and I ate a couple eighths and immediatly started freaking out I wanted them to leave so bad but I couldn't make them because they were frying too and I couldn't make them drive. Every thing just felt so bad and wrong and I just kept getting higher and higher and it got worse and worse but nobody knew. I was all wrapped up in my blankey wth just my face sticking out and we were watching Alicee and wonderland wich did NOT help the situation at all. Finally I called my friend Amanda and all I could say through the teaers was Amanda I need you. SHe lives like an hour away so it took her awhile and things were better for a little while after she got there untill I got higher some more and I made her kic k the boys out because Ihave a million doller house and I couldn't even watch myself let alone four teenage boys. Plus my friend ED wasn't frying he was drinking and the smell was freaking me out it smelled like evil. So they left and I was still freaking out nothing could make me feel rightr and at this point I couldn't even think all could do was repeat words in my head over and over. I was so high I thought I was going to stop breating. I was so tired but I couldn't sleep I thought I would get lost in my head forever. Then Amanda told me she had to leave bcause it was a thuyrsday and she gets up for work at like 4 in the morning and I started crying I was SO scared. The phone kept ringing and myt dad kept calling and I was so scared I wasn't talking right I just tried to stay really quiet and sticjk to yes and no answers. I had three people calling me once an hour to check on me but that wasn't really n\much help. I was scared to even get off the couch because I thio\ought I would wander off or something. ALll I cvould do was sit there and wait to come down but I couldn't watch tv because I didn't understand what the fuck was going on. I was afraid I wouldn't get up for school or I would miss the bus or kill my pets because when i'm grillin the night goes in circles dso when I fed mt\y pets I was afraid I was feeding them ove and over. Then I tried to eat some cereal but I was afraid I was going to choke to death and plus I forgot how to swallow. Then I tried to smoke some bud but somehow through the nights events I lost my screen so I sucked in a bunch of cashtroids and I sstarted choiking wich lead to puking and my puke looked likew a white spider web across the toilet water. Afeter more puking and crying I came down alittle and frying became a fun thing again but di I evr feel like shit the next day I couldn't even go to school. Maybe later i'll tell you guys about how fucked everything was when I ate Cubensis at a frying party. There were 15 people frying at my friend apartment in the middle of town and no sober people to watch us.
Wow, if I had any actual shrooming experience I'd say that there's about a 95% chance that last nasty trip was the culprit. Considering i don't, however, it's more like a 65% chance. I've read a few similar stories to yours and most of them ended with the person saying that they're not gonna shroom again. So if anything you're not alone, this has happened before. And from what I understand two eighths is way, way too much, A heroic dose even. The only other thing I can tell you about shrooms is that it's not exactly a social drug. You shouldn't do it alone unless you're well experienced but you also shouldn't shroom with a lot of people you don't know (speaking of which I would like to hear that story if you have the time 420Girlie, it may shed more light on what's caused this). I can't really help you any more at the moment but will let you know of anything I learn that may. Also if this does turn out to be a long lasting problem (though i doubt it will) I once saw something on tv about support groups for people that have become kind of permanently fried from drug experiences (usually people that have done much more serious, not to mention addictive drugs than mushrooms) keep us updated please
The last story I told you was the 3rd time I had tripped in 2and a half days. But the story i'm gonna tell you know was my first really tripped out of my mind experience. You also need to understand that there aren't really words to express my exact feelings but i'm giving it my best shot. Here it goes, I ate an eighth of cubensis and Amanda ate an eighth and a half becuase nobody told us that most people can fry there asses off on less than half that much untill it was too late. We were the first ones to get our shrooms so we ate like an hour and a half before evryone showed up with the rest of the shrooms. By the time they showed up we were already wigged out and I felt like she was my other half. I knew what she was thinking and vice versa. Then we went in the closet to smoke bowls and we made my sober friend strephan come in and he said we were talking to eachother and wqe could understand but I guess we were just spewing jibberish but it was like a conversation and I knew exactly what she was saying to me. Then everyone started frying and things just went crazy. There were people wandering around wacked out everywhere and I got really scared because everything kept happening over and over like fucking groundhogs day and I kept hearing and thinking that someone got hit by a car. The rooms wre melting and touching other people actually hurt me. I can't even really begin to describe to you what was going on in my head. Amanda kept changing her clothes over and over and over and over and then a few more times after that. Rooms were not where they were supposed to be in the house and I kept getting lost. People just kept walking aroun till they found someone else and then you talk some gibberish and walk away til you find another congregation. At one point I remember amanda going "hey care honey mustard" It was also really wierd because I could feel it when she mssed me and I would be ike amanda needs me I hacve to go and at the smae time she would be coming to find me. I almost cred because I wanted a hooded sweatshirt to wear and I couldn't find one. It was wierd it was like evrything was a giant puzzle and I keprt looking for the answer. Everything was either the problem or the answer. There were also good people and bad people. I finally got so scared all I could say was Bryce help. He had to be right next to me where I could hold his arm or I freaked out. I kept asking everyone if I was back yet and they were like "from where?". It was so fucking scary it din't help that all I had eaten in the last two days was mushrooms. When Bryce found that out he tried to get me to eat something but I felt like everyone was trying to fuck with me so I wouldn't eat or dink anything they gave me. I remained scared shitless for a few more hours and then I came down enough to walk around untill my stupid bitch ass friends pinned me down in a corner in a little ball and hel;f\d my head down an proceeded to shove things all up n my face. After recovering from that I saw Amanda walking around with something in her mouth and I walked up to her and she was sucking on this nasty dirty ass wet wash cloth and I tried to take it from her and she almost started crying. She was still frying balls and then she threw up out the wndow and shut herself in the closet. SHe was telling me that tigger was talking to her because she was using him as a pllow and he told her she should lay on a coat instead and he helped her get one. At this point it was like 4 AM so I decided to go pass out with my friend NAthan. I then had the best sex I hav evr had we were so close I could here what he was thinking it was so intense. We had sex like 3 times that night and a couple more times in the morning that was the only good part about the whole trip.
5 and 1/2 days sober, I almost caved yesterday because I was going to the movies and it's like fucking tradition but I just stared at it and thought about it long and hard and I relized that would be admitting I couldn't do it and I can so I gave it to a friend in need instead. It smelled so good but weed will still be there when I want it so for now I can deal. Then today this kid wanted to smoke a bowl with me and I was gonna do it to but he remembered right before he loaded it and wouldn't let me and I'm kind of glad. It's hard, but then again what in life isn't? I guess it will just be that much better when I do smoke again right?
I went for a month without smoking recently (not by choice really) and finally managed to get some decent nugs. It was the longest I'd gone without the wonderful herb almost since I started smoking. Two bowls was more than enough for me, so of course i smoked four It was one of the most intense highs I've ever had, probably about the third best ever in fact, it was kind of hard to tell though, as I was quite out of it at the time. And I have smoked much more of much better stuff than this before without getting anything near these effects. Well, my point isn't to make you jones for weed more, I'm just saying that it's worth it to hold off for a while, when you think you're ready it'll be like the first time you got really high all over again, only this time you have experience on your side. I really did get this kind of feeling I had forgotten about over time, I felt more 'floaty' and generally happy than I had been while high for a few years now. Keep restraining yourself until you think you can handle it (or hang around friend's that will do it for you). I think you just over did it, a few times. If you find yourself thinking about marijuana a lot (or other things) it really helps to keep occupied. If your like me and have far too much free time on your hands then take up a hobby, or just pick up a long book. I recently took up drawing only to find out that I kind of had a natural affinity for it. Not only to I enjoy it but it really helps me when I feel shitty about something. Try to find something you can tolerate doing that allows you to express yourself. Even just writing about how feel helps a lot, another thing I found out recently. That's how i ended up writing that thing about 'surroundings' and what-not if you recall. Keep up what you're doing and like I already said, don't give up the herb unless you have to, a break, however, is perfectly fine
It's not all that hard if I think about it because I really couldn't handle it right now which fucking sucks, but that's what I get for cheating on good old Mary Jane though I like to draw too, I wish I had a big ass scanner I would show you some of the crazy ass shit i've done while frying. I have been reading lately too I hadn't read a book in years but lately it's one of the only things that can help when I get a little flasher. Becuase TV fucks my brain along with music because my mind gets a chance to wander so a good book is pretty much all there is to keep me distracted besides a good sleep of course, but that's hard to come by these days I just can't seem to fucking shut my damn mind off
That's pretty cool that you like to draw, I find it to be the best way to express myself, even if it's just for me to look at. if I had a scanner I'd already have them up at www.deviantart.com I think I'm gonna get my friend to come over with his digital camera though so if I ever get a chance I'll share some of my pictures (I'm an appreciation whore ) I think I'm gonna sleep (or pass out) for a few hours now before I have to wake up in the middle of the night to go work Stay strong Girlie!
Even after four fucking years, reading this shit brings me right fucking back to stark raving crazy! Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. It took sooooo long to get over that. Well, im still not over it, it didn't ever really go away. I pretty much just adjusted and learned to tolerate and live with it. In reading my posts over, my words didn't even come close to expressing the sheer terror of my experiences. That day (that day I first freaked out and wrote this babble) rocked me to the very core of my being, it made me question every miniscule part of life. Not even just question, more like dissect and break it all down. It sent me into a massive spiral of fear and confusion. I felt like everything was just completely wrong and foreign. Nothing was as it was before, my thoughts, feelings, interactions, senses. Like everyone would notice that I was just this fucking wigged out weirdo that could just completely lose her mind at any moment. Like I could just be walking around and poof! there I would be just wandering aimlessly lost in my head forever. When I read back its alot easier for me to analyze and interpret some of my experiences now. For instance when I felt as if life was reduced to a strange kind of little treasure hunt or as I so eloquently put it before "I was always looking for the thing, everything was either the problem or the answer." Duh! Thats fucking life in a nut shell. Thats what life is problems, or questions, and answers. We're all constantly searching for something, love, attention, stability, knowledge, adventure, acceptance, success, whatever, mostly just answers. Who are we? Why are we here? What makes me me and you you? How did we get here? Where are we going? Everything just boggled my mind. I was just inundated with all of this understanding. It was just so much realization at once it took me years to unravel all that shpegackle into something that made sense. Or take the part where everyone was just wondering around untill they ran into someone and they'd exchange some gibberish and go off in search of something or someone else. Thats what people fucking do. Were constantly searching for something to strive for, or a leader to follow, someone to be with. It just seemed so frivilous and trite. We all just go through this life in essence wandering around untill we bump into someone and for whatever reason we exchange words and experiences, and thats just what people fucking do. Why ask why? For some reason, I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. When you go on a "trip" it exposes everything. You can't hide anything or hide from anything. Your exposed, our insecurities, our fears, real thoughts, doubts, habits, its all out there. Anyone could get my secrets and I didn't like it. I've tried to hide from so many bad things in my life for so long and suddenly there it all was, nothing I could do, no control whatsoever (like life, am I starting to make my point yet ). This is real. There's no take backs, u can't sidestep or charm life, or death for that matter. All u can do is accept and move on. Not that I have, but thats the goal. I figured it out thats my thing, thats what im after and that in itself is my answer