Oh England, I love thee :)

You make me happy beyond words and I barely know you. I love waking up to you and having this beautiful bird next to me that makes me yummy shepherd pie whenever I want. I love your weather, particularly because I'm no fan of hot tempteratures. I love your overcast goodness. I love peacoats and pubs with fit ladies of all sorts. I am very fond of the women you bring to me and our clashing of genitals.

1982 was a grand year for Machester being that you brought me The Smiths. If anyone is to besmirch the good name of Morrissey I'm afraid I'll have to slice ya from nape to chops! Pints for breakfast? Oh bloody hell yes. Ey bruv you coming over for whiskey on me steps? Shall I bring the bacon crisps?....I'm already on my way you old scalliwag.


California....overrated, and came to realize it is full of people that aren't real, it's only the truth. Why not tell it like it is, dead honest. I like my stone cold truth. This isn't any sort of rant just something I observed, and then hated my life over it's okay though because I know life will get better and that makes me I don't hate my life, it's just that people make me sad sometimes with their poor decisions. I love when my life is Bob Marley, but lately to be honest my life has been a little bit more Radiohead. The past couple of months I been in this rut where I've observed the behavior of people and it seems as a whole more people are changing their attitudes into bitterness all with their wounded idealism. Life makes me truly happy, don't get me wrong. It really is the little things that ultimately paint that broad picture for me. Whether it be listening to certain songs that aren't nostalgic, but songs from the moment shared in the now (Anthony Green). I wake up and listen to Anthony Green- Baby Girl and that songs does wonders for me and this smile that doesn't fade. It does lovely things to my insides, if you will.

I really don't mean to go into it, but I really needed to get this off my traveling mind. It's going a bit fast for me at the moment with all sorts of factors playing a role. Where my life is headed, my overall health. I just want to be happy, healthy, and be around long enough to see my kids grow up and enjoy everything that life has to offer when that time comes. Although life is very beautiful it is almost bittersweet in that because life within my own mind is much more beautiful then anything I could ever dispurse with words and if I tried I believe it would take away from that vision and feeling I get out of it. So going back to why life would be bittersweet, I understand I will never experience that in a visceral form in my waking life so traveling into my mind and life being as beautiful as it is, I have dove too deep and sadness arises from this beauty. I've had thoughts of suicide recently and that scares me more then anything. This is something I could never share with any of my friends because I'm the bloke that everyone enjoys having a good time with and I don't think any of my friends would be able to handle that to be honest, even my life long friends...they would just call me stupid for thinking that and that I'm not like that so I should then quit it. I don't know, is it normal for a person to have experienced thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives? Would it be strange if people were always happy and never thought of sadness in some form? To me, people that appear to always smile and be happy even in situations where actions would merit them being upset and them handling it by just smiling kind of freaks me out, but then maybe it is just a case of more power to them for being able to handle it that gracefully. So is it alright to experience sadness from time to time so you can understand that happiness means all that much more. The night is darkest before the dawn? Or is that something to just grasp and live through so your life can very well be applied to that saying, do you follow your life through that saying or does that saying follow the life you lead?

This conversation went from completely random to really in depth about my life recently. I don't want to be upset with life. I really just want to accept it for what it is and go on. Is this weird I am posting this to complete strangers? Or do I find some sort of comfort knowing that at least I am getting this out for the first time to people that will never know my true identity. Am I a coward for not owning up to this to my friends? I understand that whole being able to tell my real friends this without them judging me, but oddly I think it has more to do that I want to protect their thoughts from wandering into sadness and the thought of my demise then the fact of being able to open up to them.
Life is strange, filled with vast beauty. I want to be clear and say that I would never actually take my own life and that is why the thoughts scare me. I may just be in a rut at the moment and that is why I am down and subconsciously my mind picks up on that and extends that into my everyday thoughts. This may have stemmed from my understanding Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I think it is the greatest piece of literature I have ever read. It has every emotion instilled into it in the rawest of states. The one thing that stands time is the feeling of love. The mere act of being in love may fade, but those feelings and thoughts when one is in love will never change, it will always be the same. Of course there are many levels of being in love, but I don't think the way one feels would be any different.
I remember the first time I was in love. Aside from the typical lovey dovey things you and your loved one share, I remember the feeling of understanding that I would do anything for that person, to protect them, to embrace them, to share everything with them and I learned that people become blinded from everything that happens around them. Their main focus is that other person so it's like when you're on the inside you never fully know what is going on, on the outside and vice versa, so when the dust has settled from that love spell, things become clear to you and you look back and realize for it being you, it didn't seem like you.

The reason I bring up Romeo and Juliet is because, although a made up tale, I think it shows the power of human emotion and how quickly it can change and bounce back and forth. I need to stay grounded and find some sort of stationary reference point so my world stops spinning in circles and I can grasp what it is, and go back to the way my world was before it got me highly intoxicated with absurd thoughts.


If you read this whole thing I appreciate you doing so and hopefully I got across a fairly clear picture in my bouncy topic fashion. Have a good rest of your day and stay mint, cheers