Official Hemroid Dissapreciation thread

Discussion in 'Pandora's Box' started by Lebowski, Jun 13, 2006.

  1. Hey, they put an article about how american is becoming a dictatorship in here.

    I knew GC was with the NWO! :p
  2. lol @ R_M...twice.

    Lebowski, lol... *points at your dad, makes circle with left hand and pokes right index finger through circle, then points at you* = source of your hemroides

    You know I"m j/k right? Sorry I even have to write that down but I would hate to get misunderstood over a playful moment. :smoking:
  3. Holy shit - I'm afraid.

    How common are hemroids. :eek:
  4. Hahhhaahahaha dude that made me laugh so hard. And Lebowski, that rly sucks man i couldnt imagine how bad that is.
  5. Yeah Lebowski....I get them too sometimes...Sucks....i use for me...Roids can be a real pain in the ASS.
  6. :eek: can anal sex really cause hemroids???

    I'm sorry to hear your in pain man, my friend in the army got hemroids n he said it was soooooooooooooooooooo painful.. he also had to wear period pads...hehe which amused me slightly... but really i'm sorry your ass hurts...
  7. LOL. Tootsie, I honestly have no idea. I was just pulling bowski's chain.

    Here's some Wiki facts:

    Types and symptoms of hemorrhoids
    Two of the most common types of hemorrhoids are external and internal hemorrhoids. ICD-10 codes are provided below.

    * (I84.3-I84.5) External hemorrhoids are those that occur outside of the anal verge (the distal end of the anal canal). They are sometimes painful, and can be accompanied by swelling and irritation. Itching, although often thought to be a symptom from external hemorrhoids, is more commonly due to skin irritation.
    o (I84.3) If the vein ruptures and a blood clot develops, the hemorrhoid becomes a thrombosed hemorrhoid.

    * (I84.0-I84.2) Internal hemorrhoids are those that occur inside the rectum. As this area lacks pain receptors, internal hemorrhoids are usually not painful and most people are not aware that they have them. Internal hemorrhoids, however, may bleed when irritated.

    * (I84.1) Untreated internal hemorrhoids can lead to two severe forms of hemorrhoids: prolapsed and strangulated hemorrhoids.
    o Prolapsed hemorrhoids are internal hemorrhoids that are so distended that they are pushed outside of the anus.
    o If the anal sphincter muscle goes into spasm and traps a prolapsed hemorrhoid outside of the anal opening, the supply of blood is cut off, and the hemorrhoid becomes a strangulated hemorrhoid.

    Hemorrhoids are very common. It is estimated that approximately one half of all Americans have had this condition by the age of 50. However, only a small number seek medical treatment. Annually, only about 500,000 people are medically treated for hemorrhoids, with 10 to 20% of them requiring surgeries.

    The causes of hemorrhoids include genetic predisposition (weak rectal vein walls and/or valves), straining during bowel movements, and too much pressure on the rectal veins due to poor posture (it is well known that hemorrhoids are very rare in nations where people squat to defecate) or muscle tone. Constipation, chronic diarrhea, poor bathroom habits (sitting for unusually long periods of time [e.g. reading on the toilet] or excessive cleaning attempts), pregnancy, postponing bowel movements, and fiber-deprived diet can also contribute.

    Insufficient hydration (caused by not drinking enough water, or drinking too much of diuretic liquids such as coffee or colas) can cause a hard stool, which can lead to hemorrhoidal irritation.

    An excess of lactic acid in the stool, a product of excessive consumption of milk products such as cheese, can cause irritation and a reduction of consumption can bring relief.

    Additional factors that can cause hemorrhoids (mostly by increasing rectal vein pressure), especially for those with a genetic predisposition, are obesity and a sedentary lifestyle.

    Prevention of hemorrhoids includes drinking more fluids, eating more dietary fiber, exercising, practicing better posture, and reducing bowel movement strain and time. Hemorrhoid sufferers should avoid using laxatives and should strictly limit time straining during bowel movement. Wearing tight clothing and underwear will also contribute to irritation and poor muscle tone in the region and promote hemorrhoid development. Some sufferers report a more comfortable experience without underwear or wearing only very lightweight panties, etc.

    Straining can be lessened by defecating in a standing position, knees slightly bent. This position seems to use the muscles of the abdomen to expel feces preventing a strain on the anus. Fluids emitted by the intestinal tract may contain irritants that may increase the fissures associated with hemorrhoids. Washing the anus with cool water and soap may reduce the swelling and increase blood supply for quicker healing and may remove irritating fluid.
  8. Sweet post DBW, but let me help from the point of having them and all.

    O.K. here it goes I will try to describe this as best as I can, Big L help me out if you want. Aight, you go to take a shit, and sit down, your chillin on the toilet and it feels like there is some resistance, so you push a little, well still nothing so you push some more, then POW! BOOM! BAM! your rear main seal if leaking, it hurts/burns your asshole really bad. Now you look into the toilet and you see a little blood(not ussually on the first encounter, but it could happen). I went to the ER when i first saw the blood, I had no clue what the hell was going on down there, so i get to the ER and they take me back. i'm sitting inthe little room and the Doc comes in"How r you today" i'm thinking r you fucking serious, ME-"My ass hole hurts" DOC"LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT" no bullshit thats what he said, I'm like WTF! So he asks me to take down my pants, so i do (this is where they cross the line, if you don't like to feel violated then STOP READING) He tells me to lean over the bed, now I am like shit what the hell, so I have to lean over this bed and he gets down on his knees and starts to poke at my asshole(not cool) He prods around for like 2 or 3 minutes and then hes like well you have a busted asshole(like I did not know that) BLAH BLAH BLAH, I had fun touching your tater adn what not. I repeat do not push your poop let it come out on its own, these things really hurt and put you into situations that make you feel really stupid, I mean how would you feel if a dude asked you to lean over a bed so he can feel your asshole? They suck for sure, and I hope this give you a first hand account b/c It sure did for me. JOE>

    P.S. Mini rant-at least you guys can laugh at me and my roids now. ;)
  9. Um... Wow... I'm speechless...


    This thread is kinda disturbing, LOL.
  10. Yeah just imagine how I felt I mean what do you say to a guy who just looked at your asshole? Nothing....... JOE>
  11. you shoulda squeezed out some of that acid splatter in his face man.
    thatll teach him not to poke your brownhole
  12. You think this thread is bad, you should see the MSN convo that me and Lebowski had about it.

    I was eating at the time too :eek:

  13. thats horrifying!!! wow...but dude...try taking a trip to the gynocologist some time ;) really you men have it easy
  14. sloppyjoe, man that is rough. When they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me several months ago (gallbladder pain of sorts) the doctor had to take a stool sample. The doc had to stick a finger in and swirl it around a bit... My husaband watched the whole thing and then laughed at me later... Mean bastard (ha). I have to say I'm really glad I didn't have roids at the time.

    No I have no idea why I'm sharing...
  15. o.K. bro you really made me laugh with that, I mean I had to go to my office and chuckle for a second, acid, HAHA! I feel you on the twat doctor though. I would hate to be a lady and have this dude all up in my cock, I mean WTF. that is why I have mad respect for the ladies. They bear our children and cook food and help us soo much, I have no clue where I would be without my wife SHES THE BEST! :D JOE>
  16. [quote name='dirtybongwater']sloppyjoe, man that is rough. When they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me several months ago (gallbladder pain of sorts) the doctor had to take a stool sample. The doc had to stick a finger in and swirl it around a bit... My husaband watched the whole thing and then laughed at me later... Mean bastard (ha). I have to say I'm really glad I didn't have roids at the time.

    It's all good girl, I got the fingure in the ass story too, want to hear it, here it goes.

    I was having some pains as well thought it could be my gallbladder so I had to have tons of tests done. Well one of the tests happen to be a colonoscopy(spelling)or whatever. Basicly they stick acamera up your ass and look around to see if anything is wrong, well before this proceedure they wanted the ass doctor to check me out, so i go into the office for the visit and sit for like an hour, finally they brought me back and put me in a room, they took all the regular stuck BP, pulse all that shit, then the nurse looks at me and says "go ahead and get undressed the doctor will be right in" Well I get undressed and I am naked now chillin in the little room, 20 minutes go by no doc, 30 minutes go by no doc, well after about 45 minutes I said fuck it and walked out into the halway naked and asked the nurse real calm like when she expected the doc to comein. She looks at me like HOLY SHIT THIS GUY IS NAKED, and says as calm as she can "sir we need you to stay in the room until the dco sees you, so i go back into the room and the doc comes in liek 2minute later(I bet that lit a fire under their asses) He's like how e doing today, I say fine I guess, then he goes "I.m gonna need you to lay on your side, kinda curled up in the fetal position" so i do it, and then here the's best part, he says "You might feela little pressure" POP his fingure is all the way in my ass and he is proding around and shit. At this point i am like "look man you got to get your fingure out of my ass." he says "almost done" Just a quick question blades what the fuck does almost done in your ass mean? So he pulls it out and i go take a cold shower and cry for an hour, JK. It did suck though I mean there is nothing you can do your in pain and want to be fixed and this is what they want to do to fix you. Come on all the new technology and the fingure in the ass wins it. :D JOE>
  17. Prostate exams aren't easy.
  18. Dude my ass is fucking hurting right now. Prep H cream sorta reduced the swelling, but I just took a shit and im wishin I had put it off.
  19. Spoken like a true stoner chick. ^^^ good one DBW. :D JOE>

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