Thanks in advanced for taking the time to read this if you make it through. I really am in limbo and trying to plan ahead. So right now I am a senior in college, and questioning my life's direction. I have come to realize that my original reasons for getting a degree were superficial, and probably the byproduct of being micromanaged by my parents from a young age. Out of frustration, I sort of "tested" my parents to see what they really care about, and I ended up finishing second to money. Ever since seeing that staying in school and continuing on the path that was paved for me was the priority of the parents, and my newly diagnosed depression, anxiety and personality disorders were of no concern, I have been putting my own thoughts first. My thoughts, naturally, are to want to move to the west coast and have a nice yielding plant that can keep me satisfied. Although, I financial aid to pay off, and little money of my own. Another problem for me, is that my parents are a big part of my life whether i like it or not. They financially support me, and always like to know how I am doing (probably more for financial reasons, though). I wish it was easy to drop everything, but i know that they would somehow find me or make me feel like i did something wrong. With every passing day I feel more and more strongly about moving away, but I know it is impractical. Has anyone gone through this and been successful (in terms of happiness)?
Bro i feel u more than anybody could. I would say finish off your college since your a senior anything else would be a major waste of time. But as of moving man you need to first make sure you have a place to stay, enough money to pay your first few months rent just in case it takes a little extra time to find a job and money to survive. Other than making sure youre financially straight just make sure that you have your shit together. Im on the road to move to the west as well! As of your parents giving you shit, talk to them. Tell them its what you want and you want to live your life how you want. And if you never take the steps to do what you want and move away then it will never get done. the time to do what you want and experiment is now, while you're still young enough. Just because you can fuck up and not be too far in to deep shit where you cant go back "home"
So it sounds like your parents take care of you and are concerned with you (their child whom they take care of and invested a large part of thier lives with), and you're sad about it? Its all the same. Of course they shaped you in a way, that's what parenting is. I was in the same boat. I was a senior in high-school with no real idea/interest in what I wanted to become. My parents pushed me into doing biology and eventually being a doctor. First year of college came around, and I experienced new things and made new friends. I spent a lot of time having fun, but still trying in school. I had a big course load both semesters; ended up getting half As, some Bs, and two Cs. Some of the bad grades were for my premed requirements. I thought, this is going to hurt me in the end because my core classes were not up to par, and things would only get harder. I thought, oh woe is me, maybe this isn't the major for me. I thought I didn't really want to become a doctor. I thought I shouldn't be doing this because I never even really pushed for it in the first place; it was my parents who swayed me towards it. I said, hey, I like business, maybe I'll major in public administration. With a lower GPA, I got less financial aid for the following year, so then I considered transferring. They also caught me smoking weed, and weren't pleased. My mother thought it was the end of the world; she was brainwashed and thought it was like being hooked on heroin. I thought, maybe I'll get a job and move out. I was behind in college, and it felt like I was behind in life. I failed but got back on the horse, and I got back on after finally thinking for myself for the first time. Take it from me, try to do the serious thinking now. You still have time. Maybe after college, try to get a job or internship that fits with something you want to do in life. A month before my next year started, I decided I was going to give it another shot. I said, I was really going to put effort into it. Some people can sometimes do better as they are, but sometimes people like me have to read things over three times just to get it. I transferred, started classes over with a blank GPA, and really worked hard. As I got into studying, I thought what I was reading was actually interesting. I liked it more, and more, and then was settled that I (this time I) wanted to become a doctor. This time, I knew I wanted to make something out of myself. I'm not happy right now. I'm a full time student, I'm constantly studying, I have a job, and I quit smoking for a while now. But I know I'll be happy later on. You get what you put in. I'm getting excellent grades right now, I have opportunities coming up to bolster my medical application, and towards the end of senior college year, I'll have less credits and easier courses at that, which will give me comfort room to finally have fun. You're thinking, oh I'll move out, grow a bit, and just live a simple and peaceful life...no. That sounds nice and all on paper, but its not something you would want to do for a long time. What will you do for the rest of your life? It'll get stale after five years at the most. Then, at that point, going back to school or making something of yourself will be far, far more difficult. Just because you do what others might expect you to do, or want to do, doesn't make it such an awful thing as long as deep down you know its something you actually want too.
Why do this just to test your parents? If you're gonna do it, do it for you man, or it probably won't turn out well. Parents aren't perfect, and I can actually totally relate, but as time passes and I reflect, I can see that they always had the best intentions for me. You seem to think everything is about money, but it's their money dude. They don't have to support you at all anymore, they choose to because they care. As you grow up you start to realize that your parents have their own set of issues too. It sounds to me like they care about you, but maybe they aren't meeting all you're needs. Time to talk to them
Get them to pay for some therapy and help yourself to a happier place. Not feeling loved by one parents is a pretty deep and horrible place to be. But you're gunna have to go through it with some help and guidance and get through to the other side. Sometimes it's just plain hard to will away negative feelings; they have to be worked through one step at a time. It happened to me. Good luck.
Finishing my schooling would be smart. And isn't moving liberating I feel like moving would put me in the ultimate control over my life and send a strong message to my parents. As for talking to them, I probably should. It is just, my parents are not very good at having emotional conversations, especially about my emotions and not theirs. I am scared shit-less that they will abandon me, but I guess it is better to find out than to be the one abandoning them. They are concerned for me, of course. They just make me very unhappy, is all. I wish I could put you in my shoes, then you'd see what exactly I mean. This is true, I haven't planned too far. To be honest, I have realized my happiness is my priority, and I know being with my parents only makes me more depressed. So I figured I would start a life on the other side of the country.
My therapist says I try to get back at my parents for what I think they owe me from childhood. I really should finish school. I feel like you all think i'm a spoiled kid, but it really is an emotionally complex issue Your last sentence resonates well w me, I probably should What did you go through, if you don't mind sharing? I feel like you understand at least the core emotions behind what is happening to me.
My detail are immaterial, just making the point that if you feel the way you do, it's good to get it looked at. But I see you're already well into the process. It's funny, because in my case the schooling kinda was a salvation of sorts. So I stuck it out, thrived and I got my parents back by succeeding Best of luck.