A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?†The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.†There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUNCH OF WHITE PEOPLE RUNNING DOWN HILL? A: AN AVALANCHE Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUNCH OF BLACK PEOPLE RUNNING DOWN HILL? A: A MUD SLIDE Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BUNCH OF MEXICAN PEOPLE RUNNING DOWN HILL? A: ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION INFAMOUS TRE'
Got another one, don't know if you people heard it. A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest untill they come upon a fairy. She said "If you would be so kind and stop chasing ghe rabbit, I would give you each two wishes". The bear agreed and he was the first one to get a wish. He wished for all the other bears in that same forest to be female. So the fairy granted it. Next the rabbit wished for a motorcycle. It was the bears turn again. He wished for a big penis. As the rabbit mounted his motorcycle, turned it on and reved the engine, he said "I wish that bear was gay" and rode off.
I got pulled over yesterday on highway 59 coming home from Houston...the cop asked my why I was speeding, and I told him I was doctor and had an emergency. He took one look at my shady van and asked what kind of doctor I was.....thinking quickly, I blurted out,...I'm a rectum stretcher....he looked shocked and asked why someone would need a rectum stretched. I told him there are all kinds of reasons...sometimes it's 1 inch, sometimes 3 inches, ....and sometimes 6 feet!...He then asked: What would you do with a six foot asshole?....to which I replied: Give him a radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge.
1)A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!" So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts." 2)A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!" Late but funny none-the-less.
this lady was driving her daughter to a sleepover and the little girl ask mommy how ola are you and the mother said honey you never ask a lady her age and then the little girl asked mommy how much do you weigh and the mother replied honey thats rude to ask those kind of questions so the little girl asked mommy why did you and daddy get a divorce and the mother replied honey that enough of those kind of questions so when the girl got to the sleepover she told her friend that her mother wouldnt answere my questions and her friend said just look at her i.d its like a parent report card so when the girl got home she looked at her moms i.d so she went up to her mom and said you way 133 pounds the mother was speechless and your 35 and i know why you and daddy got a divorce because you got a f in sex