Whatup GC. So this might be one of my last posts or two. I need some help with my breakup. I'm not going to go over everything again but, I will say that me and my GF have had the same problems over the past couple of months since we moved back up to college. We broke up twice before this. Once for a couple hours, another for 5 days. I'm not sure really why we broke up, I didn't do anything like cheat or abuse her. I know I'm a pretty good guy, so it's just a little puzzling. It's all her basically, she's the reason for the breakup. I would never leave her. I know that she may have just changed her feelings, but she's come back both times realizing that she doesn't want to lose me. But, I think I may have figured out one of the main reasons why SHE is feeling the way she is. I know this girl loves and cares for me, but there's SOMETHING that's making her feel how she is. I know that it does have a lot to do with me, because we spent pretty much all of our free time together. A relationship takes a lot of someone, but I feel like there has to be something else that's making her feel so weird and uncomfortable with herself. So, what I think is the problem is her twin sister...yikes. How do I explain this one? They live together in a two bedroom apt, and basically, my gf (or ex) does everything around the apt. And I mean EVERYTHING for her sister. She buys her food, cleans up after her, takes care of her, basically like a child. It's ridiculous. I know that it's her twin sister, and that I can't blame our relationship failing on her. But I know it has something to do with my gf. She has complained to me countless times about how much she can't handle living with her sister. How she wants it to change, and is always asking me what to do. I tell her ways to fix it, but she always goes back to picking up after her sister no matter what. What do I do? I can't tell her that I blame our relationship problems on her, because that's not what I think. Our breakup was so both of us can figure out our own problems and be happy on our own. And this problem is strictly hers. But it's taking so much out of her, and it's enabling her sister to be the self conceited bitch that she is. We can't be together while she's living under the same roof as her. But that's not gonna change just yet. I know all I can do is get over her, but I honestly love this girl to death and don't want this bullshit to get in our way. How do I go about this absolutely crazy situation? If I'm even right......shit Sorry about the length.
So what indicates to you that the twin sister is the problem? I can certainly see that the twin sister provides a significant source of stress for her but I don't think it sounds like it's the main issue from what You've told us so far. Have you tried talking with her about what the problems are and how you might work with her to resolve the situation and move your relationship in a forward direction. It really sounds to me like you guys have not been really communicating at all
She basically has told me that she doesn't think she can handle a relationship at this point in her life. She's told me she's overwhelmed a lot of times too. Most of the time, it's not with me, it's with her own life. She just failed out of nursing school, she's having a lot of family issues, she has to deal with her twin sister, and she has a pretty bad work schedule. We broke up so she can figure out how to be happy with her own life. Because she's told me she hates living in the town we live in, she hates living with her sister and she just wants to get away from it all. I want to help her so fucking bad. I love her, but she's one of those independent girls, who likes to figure out her own shit. I understand that if she loves me, she should want to work our relationship out no matter what. That's why I have taken her back before. Because she told me she wants to be with me even though her life sucks. But our relationship isn't working while she hates her own life, so yeah. Fuck me right? Sorry about beating around the bush, things become clearer ever day. But living with her twin sister is def one of the main reasons she hates living here.
Best advice I can give you is if you really love this girl and you think she feels the same way then just give her space for a while so she can get everything in order before she comes back to you and you guys are stronger than ever. You need to think about it carefully though. This might be the point when it's time to cut your losses and pack it in but only you can be the judge of which of the two is best.
Communication, man. I know that you talked to her about it before, but if it's what you really believe that her sister is the reason for your problems, then you need to be open and honest with your girlfriend. Don't make accusations or try to pin the blame (you're smart...wouldn't anyway). Just talk through it and work together on a solution. And by all means, give the woman space if she needs it. Good luck, dude. Fight for a keeper.
Being under stress does not justify not being able to handle a relationship in my opinion. Nobodies life is getting less stressful as time goes. I understand the situation with her sister may be causing a great deal of stress but as far as not being able to 'handle' being with you? I call BS. Look elsewhere for a reason. What happens when this girl gets married and actually has kids and a career, if she gonna tell her husband that since she has a career and kids to take care of she can't be with him? I'm not trying to be mean but do you see where I'm coming from? I think it's somewhat comforting for the both of you to blame it on her sister and stress and whatnot but I truely believe there has to be deeper issues in your relationship.
Shit. My head has been so turned around, I don't know what her problems are. I know that we both let our own personal lives slip during our relationship. I have been hanging out with friends that I never see when I'm with her. I love it. I love her as well. But I think I need to focus on my own life before I focus on hers. She fell in love with me when I was doing my own life. She started backing off when I became infatuated with her everyday, when she became my life. She let her personal life slip too. We both got too caught up in the relationship that we didn't do anything for ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I think her twin sister is a major problem for her. But I can't change her, can't fix her, and can't help her fix it if she doesn't do it herself. I want to be there for her, but maybe I should worry about myself before I even think about her. Then maybe we can be together. I just can't stand knowing that there's a possibility that we are done forever. It's killing me everyday on the inside. I don't know how to deal with that. I know I need to do me before I think about her, but she's just ingrained in my head. I feel like I'm going crazy...I'll think of any excuse to justify why we broke up, but in the end, my vision is so blurry, I'm having trouble seeing the real reasons. I know she loves me, and I don't want to be myself just so I can get her back. I want to be me, just because well, its me. I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not, just because I want to please the girl. I guess, you shouldn't let someone become your life, you should share it with them. Sorry, I have to talk these things out on here or else it stays in my head. I don't know what else to do.
you need to make your girls realize that her negative feelings about anything are probably just bad stigma left over from some negative energy left by her sister. her sister sounds lazy and unappreciative and that can get to some people. it would on me. but she understands that her sister is a pain in the ass, but the only way for her to get her to be happier is for her to stop doing shit for her. maybe she should spend more time with you instead of at home. you start doing things for her to treat her well. i know its hard to get into it with family, so i can only imagine what it would be like for twins. so you really cant make your girl confront her sister if she doesnt want to. the only way she would is if there was a clear solution to it. maybe tell her to tell her parents that she isnt doing her sahre and carrying her own weight around the place. its kinda petty but what else can she do?