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Need some last minute advice! Considering using Monkey Dong for Drug Test.

Discussion in 'Marijuana Consumption Q&A' started by liminalmagus, Mar 13, 2018.

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  1. #1 liminalmagus, Mar 13, 2018
    I could really use some help. The situation is thus: I was just offered a job contingent upon passing a urine drug test TOMORROW MORNING! (I don’t know details about the specific test, but it’s not DOT and I’m fairly certain I won’t be observed).

    I am a light smoker, normally a few days a week, about a bowl or so each time. I quit last week on Wednesday when I started applying for jobs, but I didn’t expect to be in this situation so fast.

    I have to go in tomorrow for the urine test. I bought some cheap marijuana tests from Dollar Tree earlier today and passed them, but I also know they’re not the most reliable. I took a pricier test on Friday morning and definitely failed that one.

    I purchased a Monkey Dong system (pretty much the same concept as the Whizzinator, or whatever it’s called). I have a friend who is straight edge and willing to provide me with pee, but I’m VERY nervous about getting caught, especially because of the temperature being off, though the apparatus includes heating pads that claim they won’t exceed normal body temp range.

    Do you guys think I would be better off just using my own urine and drinking a lot of liquids and possibly using Certo beforehand since I’m not a heavy smoker, or should I risk the Monkey system? I know that’s difficult to answer, but it would be useful if someone could share their experience with this or similar devices.

    Thanks!!!
     
  2. #2 chrislynch, Oct 1, 2018
    I just got screwed using the monkey dong. I used it on my last test with out any problems so when I came back this week I was using it again. I got up at 4 am and got my urine ready and I strapped everything on including the heat pad. Then I went back to bed until 6:30am. I checked the temperature and it was great100F So I went for my test and before I went inside I squeezed the tip to get any air out and make sure the urine was hot at the tip. Then when I went in for the test I couldn’t get more than a few drops out. I kept trying and trying and nothing would come out. So I said that I need to drink some water and went back out to the waiting room. I checked and sure enough the safety valve had closed somehow so I opened it up and asked to go again when I went back to try again it happened again!! NOTHING would come out apart from a few drops So this time they said oh don’t worry about it we can do a mouth swab on you. An F ing mouth swab. After I got out of there I checked everything out and it turned out that the “safety” valve was being pinched by my waistline/belt. So it was pressing down on the tube and preventing the urine from draining correctly. If anyone wants to use this device I strongly recommend REMOVING the safety valve before using it. The secondary valve is strong enough to not leak by itself. The longer you mess around fiddling with your thing the more attention you will draw. So just grab it right away and fill the cup then put it back in your drawers and then pull out your real pecker and make a show of shaking it off before putting it away and handing the cup to the specimen taker. Removing the safety valve is easily accomplished by cutting the plastic with a small pair of wire cutters or dykes. If I can save just one person from making the same mistake it will be worth my time for posting this.
     

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