Right, this is going to be a long post, It involves me losing my virginity and a bunch of other stupid shit. Basicly I think am fucking my life up... So Ive been smoking bud for about 2 years now, had my ups and downs from it but its generally been a good 2 years. Been arrested twice for it however Anyways I kind of get the feeling that lately my life is like shit, slowly, but surely moving towards a big industrial sized fan. Heres just a few of the reasons I think this... Problem #1: So few months back, I had sex with this girl, and I was beyond drunk, don't remember a thing, apart from, basically, I snapped my banjo...blood everywhere. Since then, we've both been trying to get to know each other better, but It seems I can talk all day to her when drunk, but when sober, its a little awkward. Since then, there was another party, and we ended up having sex again...so yeah, am incapable of having a good time with this girl unless am drunk? Oh, and I genuinely like this girl. Problem #2: I nearly killed my self when drunk. I was drunk as fuck, went to sleep on the 3rd story of a mansion/castle type house. Woke up 35ft down, on the graveled floor, naked. Had to bust my best friends window open, climb through, covered in blood, only to return back to sleep, wake up in the morning with not fucking clue what happened, and some SERIOUS injuries, broken bones. I cant tell If I thought about suicide, or was so drunk I thought about flying or some shit? Note, I was also stoned out of my mind. Problem #3: I am going to get ALOT of flak for this, but I genuinely think marijuana is making me clumsier, a bit lazier, and my memory has defiantly declined a little. Am in my final year of school right now, and I cant afford to fuck up. Smaller problems: - My tolerance to MJ is terrible now, takes a good 1gram to get me high. - Feel like am wasting money on it - am basically on my last warning with the police. Thats fine and all, but I have people, basically trying to beat me up, and with the retarded law system in place, am afraid to defend my self. - Am stressed/Depressed, cant sleep, body feels terrible, all of a sudden getting acne etc. - If I give up bud...ALL of my friends smoke it, they are good guys, but they will think am being stupid, "Marijuana is good, it grows out of the ground, it cant harm you etc, dont be stupid" Am not saying this ISN'T the case, am just saying it IS a drug, and it DOES affect you. So quitting would be tough - My brother smokes alot of pot, and...well, basically, I dont want to end up like him, but thats another story... - What makes me sad is, I feel like am throwing my life away, and my parents have such high hopes for me, and used to be a straight A student and what not. & Well, am not looking forward to my results from Highschool So guys, does anyone have ANY advice at all for me? I honestly think my life is fucked, I appreciate it could be ALOT worse but...meh TLDR: Am depressed?
Man, regarding the girl, you are still *your name* when drunk, same person same body and everything you say to her you can when sober it just doesn't slip by your mind... start by trying to feel comfortable around her it might sound a little weird but i think you should get her drunk and you stay sober.. she will open up and you are going to have to as well and about the next part.... no comment! or actually, if it was a suicidal attempt then i think you should cut down on the drinking for sometime until you clear your head completely!! i suggest you calm down on drinking, do what you gutta do with the girl(might be awkward at first but sooner or later you are going to say fuck it and start being yourself!), then start drinking again but responsibly or have someone you trust with you that will make you happy in which case the girl would do. technically, the girl is what's going to help you with the depression but first you have to not drink that much get used to being sober around her and then start again. about weed, i know this is a marijuana forum but weed does FUCK people's lives at time, make sure it's nothing more but a background substance, live your life normally as if you don't smoke but do it high Your life isn't so bad man, everything could get fixed.
First word, drinking sounds like it is getting you nowhere; yeah you end up having sex when you are drunk, but compared to the other stuff you mentioned occuring, it doesn't really sound like a great tradeoff...Have you ever thought of actually saying to the girl in question that you like her and want things to be more than just a drunken episode here and there? Second, you are final year at school, toking is still not a great plan as your brain is still developing and psychadelics will have some impact, no matter how small and insignificant. You have priorities it sounds like, try and get your s**t together as far as schoolwork is going, and then toke after, school results you don't get too many chances at, cannabis will always be there afterwards; priorities first, green after, never the other way around. It is a depressant, I know when I smoke too much for too long, I start to feel low, especially after I have smoked and have not had any more (yeah don't worry, everyone has done it to some degree) Peer pressure is a difficult thing to manage, but hell, if they don't respect your decisions regarding what you do and don't do, they aren't all that great of friends in my opinion. It sounds like you know what you should be doing, yeah it's not always easy, but life isn't. Just try and keep a handle on things, and don't let others influence you too much. My 0.2p worth, and listen to Acidtrip above ^^^, He knows his stuff...
Ive met up with her 5 or 6 times sober, We both have feelings for each other, and we have both told each other...We just don't have as much fun/connect as much as we do when we have had a few drinks... Am all against suicide, I think its one of the most selfish things you can do in life, your not ending just your life, you will destroy your family's life also. Thats whats pissed me off, If I did kill my self, I would feel terrible about my family & friends...Well, I wouldn't, I would be dead, but you get the point... And yeah, am convinced alcohol is the devil...But it can literally make me feel on top of the world, such a confidence boost...Kind of ironic really
If my friends dont agree with me, I have no problem telling them to, basically, fuck off. However, they genuinely are, caring, cool guys, they just really like pot, and some of them Ive known all my life. I appreciate alcohol is a serious problem for me, and I seriously need to drink much less. Although, I only drink, every other weekend maybe? Its just that when I drink, I DRINK a lot, to the point where if I remembered the night, I didn't drink enough. Thanks guys for the advice Edit: Oh, how the double edged sword is so cruel..
I completely agree with you about the suicide thing. Exactly what i always think, the family and how selfish it is The only problem is suicidal thoughts grow over time and that is something no one can control once it grew enough so you have to stop whatever it is that is making you depressed. get up, say fuck it and go meet up with the girl! life's too short.
Thanks guys, honestly, its so good just to hear some convincing words.. I do honestly realize I need to get my life back on track...Going to have a months T-break, see how it goes, and try to stay away from alcohol. As for the girl, I wont give up with her, I'l give her a call later on today
Not that it's not nice to hear our advice helps; but I believe we were only telling you what you knew already. Good stuff, and good luck man
If anyone is intrested in a status update... Been meeting up with the girl when sober, not been up to much. Smoked a blunt to the Dome and drank on friday, as was feeling majorly shitty...And well yeah, things got hot and heavy once again. What is life.
Have a t break, you might much prefer being sober. Seriously, I used to smoke weed everyday until like you I started thinking it made me a little "clumsier" and had a shit memory etc. So I went on a t break and simply enjoy being sober more. I still smoke weed about once every month (right now actually I have not smoked in about 2 months) and enjoy it when I do, I just don't enjoy smoking weed all the time anymore.
Hey man, i think your probs are that you can't handle your liquor and that you're smokin' that mexican green. Grow some hair on your chest and then maybe i'll let ya borrow my suburban commando vhs, chodetoad.
Stop drinking alcohol. You can't tolerate it, plain and simple. Alcohol has ruined thousands more lives than pot.
Another example of alcohol fucking with someone's livelihood. What an awful drug. If it's used it should be in moderation, but sometimes that's too hard and one must just avoid it.
Listen weed doesn't hold a gun to your head and say "now that you've smoked me, your gona sit here and melt into the couch and be lazy." You make that mental decision yourself,. You say you have a tolerance and it takes a g to get you high. Umm, idk maybe smoke .5-.6 and get a decent blaze on but dont impair yourself. You're the one who chooses to smoke a gram and fall asleep on the couch with a bag of doritos watching pippi longstocking, you COULD EASILY have jus smoked half the amount and gotten high but still had the energy to do something. Take responsibility for your actions and quit blaming the herb. "Peh, fuckin cuckarocha!" -- m.f. Tonyface Montana. <-- yea the cool face is for quoting scarface
i think booze is your problem. just drink less. mix your drinks less strong. as for your tolerance, slow down a bit. take a break for a few weeks. as for this awkward situation, just get to know her better and ease into telling her how you feel. find the root of this awkwardness and fix it, personally all i think you two need is time. ask her out and get to know her better and this awkwardness will go away. its not like she dosnt like you, i mean she had sex with you twice so there has to be some interest there. just dont come on too strong and get to know her.