I may as well start from the beginning: About two and a half years I became very sick for no apparent reason. My stomach was always bothering me and I was having constant pain and diarrhea. After countless visits to the doctor and multiple colonoscopies they could not find anything wrong with me. They then diagnosed me with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). It seemed I tried every medicine in the world and nothing seemed to help. I had tried weed a few times before with friends before I was sick, just for fun. After I became sick though I did a lot of research and found that a lot of people found relief from IBS with weed. They were right, It was like a miracle drug, and my condition improved drastically. The only problem was that it needed to be high grade marijuana for it to help a lot, and where I used to live in Ohio it was sometimes hard to come by, and I needed it everyday to provide relief. So at 18 years old, against my parents best interests, I picked up and moved to California so I could be prescribed the medicine I needed, when I needed it. I have been here in California for almost 9 months now getting my medicine legally and everything had been going great. My stomach rarely acts up anymore, and I have a very good job. Here's where things start to go bad. About 2 to 3 weeks ago I started to feel very distant and not myself anymore. I would sometimes forget who I was, and that I was even human. So I stopped smoking to see if that would help, but no such luck. I even started to get really bad panic attacks, and experience ego death very often. I looked up all my symptoms and it all points to Depersonalization Disorder, which I would not wish upon anybody. I tried smoking weed a little over a week ago again because my stomach was acting up, and it intensified these feelings 100x and sent me into an even worse panic attack. I finally went to the doctor yesterday and was prescribed Klonopin to help with the panic attacks and it has helped quite a bit, but I still don't feel myself. I'm going to see a pshyciatrist here soon to see if he can give me any insight on what I might be able to do to feel better. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to give up smoking weed forever though, even if I do start to feel myself again. It is said that the Depersonalization can be brought on by potent marijuana usage, and I don't want to end up where I am now again, if I get feeling better. I still have great respect for the herb though as it helped me out for many years. It just seems that it is not right for me anymore. I still plan on frequenting GrassCity though, because I just love the community and the people here, and I hope you all will still welcome me here. If you read all this I greatly appreciate it!!!
Hey man, I know that depersonalized feeling you're talking about I've experienced it as a lot of people who smoke do It sucks You should get of the presiption drugs too to just completely sober up, you'll feel a lot better once you don't smoke for a couple weeks.
I wish i could say i know how you feel. But i really dont. All i can do if hope for the best and wish that you get better. Really sorry to hear about all this. ON a side note. How hard is it surviving out there? (financially)
Man,that fucking sucks.Smoking all this bud and rolling/shrooming tomarrow for you my friend.Plus rep for your bravery!I hope you can find sometihng that works out for you.
I really wish I could go without the kolonopin, but the panic attacks are just too much to handle sometimes. I really appreciate it man, it means a lot. I'm making a decent wage at my sales job now, so finacially it's not so bad. Although there were some rough times when I first moved here.
Ah, no problem bro. Sending nothing but good vibes your way. I feel you, and i've wanted to do the same when i move out, but i dont know if i really want to cause more of a financial burden on my self. Havent even started college yet. But was thinking of moving to an mmj state closer to me. I'm down in TX btw.
man i want to head out west.. ill see if this shit i got going right now is gonna work out. any tips on surviving? did you leave with some money in your pocket?
Yeah it really was a huge commitment to move 1400 miles aways from any friends or family. I haven't started school yet either, I'm hoping to get my mind straight before enroll in any classes. Plus I still need to figure out what I want to do with my life first. I had about $1,500 in my pocket and a job already lined up when I left. Still wasn't easy though.
i would stop putting so much emphasis on your "personality". whenever you get those feelings about not knowing who or what you are, just think about how you ARENT your history, you are a MOMENT IN TIME. thats it.. be happy to be experiencing this shit fuck an ego anyway
to be honest go eat some mushrooms after smoking a blunt.. go walk around in the woods with a friend..and just go. let your mind go. say good bye and just embrace the moment youre in,, cuz THATS ALL THERE IS AND ALL THERE EVER WILL BE..ths soooner you realize that the happier youll be. if you not used psychedlics, dont worry about "bad trips" cuz they often come when youre scared of having a bad trip, so if you dont want one you wont have fun, plus if youre on kpins, they counteract pretty fast and end a trip.
Hey man I TOTALLY know what you're going through. About 3 months ago I went through the same. It all started after I got REALLY drunk and blacked out for most of the night. After that I started feeling uneasy and anxious. I was in Mexico and I thought may be I just missed home so I came back to Austin but things got even worse when I got here. I started tripping out and went to the emergency room because I seriously thought I was going crazy and you are right I would not wish it on anybody. I didn't eat or sleep for almost 2 weeks because of the anxiety and panic. I thought I would go crazy or forget who I was if I fell asleep. I started feeling "better" after a while, probably about a month and I guess I got used to it(I didn't go to a psychiatrist because I was afraid the drugs would make it worse). I'm back to normal now but that's definitely something I would NEVER forget. Sometimes I still feel like it but I don't let it get to me or freak me out anymore. I don't even like thinking about it because I am afraid it'll happen again. I haven't smoked weed in almost 3 years and lately I've been wanting to do it but the only thing holding me back is the fear that I'll have another massive panic/anxiety attack and go through the same thing. My only recommendation is to be strong and if you get on meds I hope they help.
Seems like your very anxious also. Maybe see a doctor about it and ask him if there is anything that can help with that. Maybe taking on one problem at a time can help with the others. Good luck bro, and good for you taking the initiative and moving to Cali, most people would have been too lazy.
Mr. Money you sound like the exact same person as me. I've recently been diagnosed with IBS, but i've had it forever. I've had stomach aches daily since i can remember. It only got worse, and my first year in college i missed a lot of class because of it. I tried everything, and the only thing that helped was weed (to be honest, mids helped more... gave me that almost annoying body high, but got rid of my stomach aches.). So i helped myself with weed but it wasn't enough. I felt similar to how you did, and started realizing how anxious of a person i was. Its DEFFINITELY ANXIETY that leads to my IBS, and if your having panic attacks, its probably the same for you. SO the big thing is, you really have to treat your anxiety. something like ibs is ALWAYS caused by something like ANXIETY or depression. When you do treat it, you'll notice how much better you feel. I self prescribed some xanax for a week or two to see how it'd help, and it did, but it made me feel the same way the Klono's ar emaking you feel. WHat i suggest (any many will disagree, but this is what i and my doctor decided on, and its been working wonders) is going to a pschiatrist and really talking. I got prescribed prozac (ssri/antidepressent) for my anxiety, even though i have no depression. I found that after a week or two, i was waking up easier, felt happier, was ready to take on my days, and wasn't ever getting my stomach aches. this route really helped. im afraid it'll eventually stop working, but as of now its been very good. I've only had one attack at school this year, my stomachs been really good, and ive been much happier. Good luck man, im 19 too, and for real if you ever need to talk lemme know... im a fellow weed smoking, ibs having anxious dude
Thanks for the support man! You're right about it making you feel like your going crazy though. For the first couple of weeks before I knew what I had, I was convinced I was loosing my mind. The scariest part was not recognizing myself in the mirror, and having to constantly slap myself on the arm to reassure myself of my bodily existance. I would also get in these crazy thought patterns as well about myself and how I could not possibly be a human. If I were you, since you are feeling better, I wouldn't go back to smoking. It seems a majority of the younger people who get this, get it from marijuana. Plus since you've already been through it, it could bring back some old thoughts and rear it's ugly head again. It's your call though. You're right, I do have anxiety issues. I was just at the doctor's the other day an was prescribed klonopin, which seems to be helping with the anxiety along with the depersonalization somewhat.
Thanks a lot for your response man, as it does make me feel better to know that I'm not alone on this. I will agree that I definately have anxiety issues and I'm sure that's what brought on the IBS. The thing is, the panic attacks lately have been brought on soley from the depersonalization. I'm hoping to get into see a psyhciatrist in the next couple of weeks and go from there. I know just talking about it and being able to express my feelings will do wonders for me. It seems as though we do have a lot in common though, and if you could PM me your AIM if you have one, or some way we could chat that would be awesome. It definately helps to have support I've found out.
hey man, just some things i want to run by you (btw I havent read a lot of the posts so sry if something is repeated) 1) I think going to a psychiatrist will help a lot - when you're with the psychiatrist dont hold ANYTHING back - any thoughts they ask you about, tell them - nothing is embarrassing and nothing has to be embarrassing - they are there solely to help you and make you get better (and of course to make money - but if they're good at their job they will treat you well) - this is not a physical illness we're talking about - it's mental...you may not feel like yourself, but who else could you possibly be? (obviously its not that simple, but training your mind is key) 2) If you never tried before, I think now would be a good time to start looking into meditation - there are literally tons of websites on the internet you can look up on the subject - if I was to suggest anything it would be Chakra balancing and simple thought-clearing techniques such as the candle technique...look them up, please try this - it is has great power to do good for one's mind
Thanks a lot for the advice man! I'm planning on going to see a psychiatrist here in a couple weeks. As far as the meditation goes, I have been doing a lot of research on it and I'm definately going to be giving it a shot. I will for sure look into the Chakra balancing. I'm also posting a couple of YouTube videos of other people who suffer from it, and them describing it, to help people who still don't understand get a better understanding of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvbwy-V4qk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCLiIlUtv3o
Power to you my friend, my battle with depersonalization was like nothing else I can even imagine. The worst feeling in the world. I recommend getting totally clean if you can, no drugs at all. A week or two of that and you start to think about who you really are... Really helps to reattach your consciousness to your body. Good vibes. And out of curiosity, what weed did you habitually smoke that gave you this feeling? Headies compounded my problem in a shitty kind of way.