Ok. Im going to type up this short story about a portion of my life.. that has past. When I was 14 I had the best life, my best friend was a girl. i talked to her about every thing, she was the one I had sex with for the first time, she ment more then the world to me I didn't realize it then, I started dating her cousin, she was 17 with a kid, these 2 girls are the only half latinas in there family, the rest of the family are hillbilly red necks. but any way. so me and Candace(the 17yr old) dated for a few weeks, showed me how to kiss and that kinda stuff.(yes I was 14). but we both new it would never work. so we just became friends, and just hung out.. a few months have passed, I turned 15.. I started to date my current g/f(?). while I was at home, candace's mom sent her kid up north because candace asked her mom to watch him why she went out to party. Up north im meaning 300+ miles away with another family. so candace went looking for her, she poped some morphine that night she got up north, OD and died. her cusin my friend who I met them through, calls me up and says "guess what" im like "whats up" he was all "candace died" i said, "your kidding right" he said "nope" i just looked around, felt like the whole world just went dark, i through the phone through the wall and i didn't talk to any one for nearly a month, that was my first time losing some one, and it hurt bad. still does. then almost exactly a year later, My current gf, her sister was driving down a canyon and lost control, rolled her SUV the only person who had a seat belt on, was my ex. her name was Jessica, the seat belt broke tossed her out landed on her head.. she gotten life flighted up north and died that night.. she was 3 months pregnant. she driver of the SUV was stoned.. and possibly drunk. I still have to see this person all the time. every time I see her I just wana shoot her for taking my best friend and the one person I can honestly say I loved more then any thing in this world. so now, a few years have passed im currently 22, and last year you guys heard about the guy going crazy and killing them 9 people in IL, and TX. well the girl with the kid who was beaten to death with an axe.. was my ex, and my current g/f's cusin. well I couldnt go to another funeral, I just couldnt. not for some one so young, and had no reason to be there. ok, I havnt had a dream I could remember in nearly 4years. ever sense my ex passed. I don't dream, and last night christmas night.. I dreamed that Jessica came home.. and walked right up to me and gave me the biggest hug... I remember the dream like it really happened, and just looked at her and said.. oh my god.. i hugged her in the dream, I can literally feel it, like it's hard to explain, it was like I actually hugged a person. i woke up with tears on my face, went back to sleep and while i was dreaming she was asleep on the sofa, I walked up and whispered "I love you more then any thing" in her ear. then i woke up and that was it ( any ideas on wtf? I was dumb founded this morning.. I don't know g/c Am I losign it? with all the stress and current g/f cheatin on me n shit? like I know I havnt been the same.. but fuck am I going nuts?
i have lost people very close to me at a young age to but i still cant imagine what you are going through, the way you describe the girl you lost reminds me of a special girl in my life whos been there for years, cant imagine if anything happend to her how i would live on, it feels stupid to have so much invested in one person but its true i've never felt this way about someone that i fit with so well. i dont think i would be with anyone else for the rest of my life. dreams are such a mystery, when you are in deep sleep a drug is released made naturally by the brain yet no one knows why. the same goes for the exact pictures which are so vivid and look so real that one feels like they have a third eye in which they can see a alternate universe inside you're head made up by what you want. i cant imagine not going nuts with all you've been through man. you current gf is cheating after all u've been through? you deserve much better than that man. maybe the dream is what you want or how you feel, you wish for christmas you could touch her and tell her you love her again. i know this is how i would feel to. some people go nuts trying to track down spirits and come in contact or just drive themselves crazy thinking about how they will never been with the one they love again. who knows you may or may not but atleast make the most out of you're life here on earth. if anything this whole experience, as unfair as it is, should teach you how preciouse life is. try to make peace with the situation somehow but i cant help beyond that as i wouldnt know how one would do this. anyway talking always helps. goodluck bro i really feel for you
hmm well with time I find it to heal everything but then again if the experience keeps reoccurring idk I think you might want to seek maybe a counselor just to deal with it, hold up keep strong is all you can do for now and try not to think about it... omg I'm sorry I have no idea how that feels I wouldn't know what to do, I would learn to appreciate the world to the fullest.
I truly believe she came to you on Christmas to give you a present. You should be happy it happened to you. I don't think it means you're crazy, but just means you need to deal with the bad in your life right now.
im sorry for your losses. i lost my ex-girlfriend whom i still loved deeply last year. its tought. and i cant say you will ever fully get over it. but you must remember. that life must go on. dust in the wind. you only have one life to live so live it.