Whats up blades, I just wanted to mention before I begin my story that these events happened to me about a year ago. Also, I have never gotten into the specific details of what happened to me with my family, doctors, friends (none of my friends even knew this happened to me, I felt very ashamed about it for a long time, but this is my first time sharing. And I am not doing a Tl;dr, this is a devastating and personal event that happened in my life, if you don't want to read it all then please leave me the respect of not posting here, thanks. I am 23, been a smoker for years, everyday user. I don't do other drugs, at all, I smoke cigarettes and occasionally drink. So last year I had decided I just didn't want to smoke weed anymore. From that day forward, things weren't right anymore. (This is where I want to point out that I understand the effects of weed, and am fully aware of the withdrawal symptoms a person has such as nausea, inability to sleep, irritation, lack of appetite and so on) I began to have severe paranoia. Like if I could try to make any sense of this to you guys I would be extremely surprised. But I started to like really lose it. I had these thoughts as if everyone was after me, like trying to catch me and put me in a Rehab. I just thought fucking EVERYTHING was about me. And all of this paranoia I believe had led me to panic attacks. Something would happen to me where I would get scared, and panic, and one time it was so bad that when I was driving with my brother and my fingers cringed pointing forwards, and I couldn't move them. My brother was so scared next to me that he yelled at me to stop doing it, but I couldn't. Both of my hands were pointed out in front of me and my fingers were like that. It was some fucking straight up exorcist shit looking back on it now, I had no fucking idea what was going on with me, and my family didn't either. One night, I can't even recall what had happened that had led up to me getting this horrible panic attack, paranoia is out the roof, but the night ended up with my brother and my mom with me in the ER. To give you an idea of the horrible paranoia that I had, I had thought that even while being in the hospital, lying in the stretcher they had me on, that my entire family was there because "they knew" This fucked up thought was a legitimate reality in my head at that time. To this day, I am fucking really bothered by it all. They sent me to a mental institution where I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. They put me on all kinds of meds like Depakote, Prozac and some others that I forgot what they were. And then I had to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. But these mother fuckers were confusing the shit out of me, like trying to intertwine marijuana and bi-polar together? You dont fucking catch a bi-polar disorder from smoking weed, its hereditary, passed down from your lovely family genes. Anyways man my WHOLE agitation is coming from the fact that I just can't fully comprehend what happened to me. When I saw my therapist all he did was tell me that I was bi-polar and I have "highs" and "lows". This past entire year I have been researching similiar stories of people, researching bi-polar, researching bi-polar with weed, I just don't know anymore. The best I could come up with is the mania aspect in relation towards the paranoia from being bi-polar? Fuck if I know man. Now this happened to me a year ago, I was so just so fucking fed up with the doctors, the meds, the bullshit that I just couldnt wrap my head around, that I said to myself you know what, fuck it all, smoke that beautiful herb. And I havent had any problems since. Anyways for those of you that read all of this, I want to thank you just because I feel like typing this all out was very therapeutic for me, like I have taken a load off of my chest.
Thanks and no the thing is I wasn't suicidal at all, just extremely fearful that entire time, I couldn't understand why I was thinking these things, thinking this way, you know?
When he tries to avoid smoking weed on the week days, it messes with his head and makes it difficult to function. At least that's what I got out of it. Not sure how abstaining from weed would cause things like that.
Well I don't believe it had anything to do with weed in my opinion. Ive come to the conclusion that I had a manic episode which is common for people who are bi-polar. They say that highs and lows can come often, every few weeks, years. I had it temporary for a few weeks, im all good now. A part of me is glad this happened, at least I know how to control it next time now that I know what I am dealing with.