since he doesnt have a father figure, me, the oldest brother, and my moms is all hes got, and im the only one in the area.. so i got a call from my ma today, and hes apparently not making some right decisions..(disappearing alot, being disrespectful, grades slippin. coming home all different kinds of messed up) i really dont know what to, ive always been there for him, and tried to give him guidance, i co-signed on a loan to help him get a car, all that jazz... he tokes up, but hes really irresponsible about it, barely passes his classes, and wonders why ma gets angry about him smoking...he got in some trouble with the law, and there were a few times he ran away for a week or two... my moms literally out of ideas, she cant take it anymore...she wants him to come move in with me, and hopefully i can help him out of whatever hes into...but im afraid he will take advantage of my kindness, and my liberal attitude towards weed... any advice, my girl doesnt have a problem with it, but im still iffy about it... if i do take him in, what should i do, i really dont know who to ask... anything would really be helpful...i just dont want to see him go down the wrong path... (i live out in the woods, and my moms lives in more of an urban area, while still decent, there is trouble to be found out there)
we were just talking about this in one of my classes the other day..how kids with only a mom are more likely to find trouble and shit. so id say take him in and do what your mother cant and beat his ass when he gets too out of line
The only thing i'de be iffy about is like you stated about you being so kind and also being very liberal about weed. I would think he'd try to take advantage of that know what im saying?
I don't think beating him will solve anything. He'll probably just run away if you do that. But there's no harm in letting him stay with you for a trial period. As long as he knows that one slip-up means going back to mom's house.
I would move him in but explain to him that you won't put up with his shit. You expect things to be different and that's why you are moving him in. You aren't moving him in to have a good time or to sit around and smoke weed. Tell him if he can keep his shit together he will have a lot of freedom but if he betrays that he has to start all over. Also to listen to what you and your girl say and if he doesn't his ass is out. Oh, and you love him.
ya, i think were gonna pick him up tomorrow... my girl already said "if he fucks up on my watch, im gonna let him know what lifes really like" im not gonna let him smoke with me either unless he can prove hes responsible, and can toke and be an active member of society...and if he keeps up like he is, his cars in my name, and all that, and i will sell it, hell, ill give it away for tax breaks... im gonna be home allday too, and were picking up papers to enroll him in the school near us, and if he gets below an C average, stuff disappears (car, phone, and all the luxerys he seems to believe are requirements for life), a curfew of 11, and i have to know where hes going, and i have to have a way to verify this does this seem too strict...none of my friends have teenage kids, so there weren t many places i could turn to ask thanks already for the advice...
No dude, thats perfect. You already got the parenting shit down. You just have to get the sayings that go along with it now like "would you like my boot in your ass?" or "Get to your god damn room." I can't wait to break out the Red Foreman quotes on my kids, not that the last one is but still.
I wouldn't consider that too strict since hes fucking up a lot. At 16, I would have been really pissed if I had to verify where I was, but I have been tight with my parents, and they always let me kind of run my own show cause I never fucked up or did anything too stupid, and always had a job/good grades. I'd say be real strict with him until you've really developed some trust. And once he messes up again, let him know that all the trust is gone and make his life hell for a while.
Well all else fails, a nice dose of boot camp should get his slacking ass in order. I know he's your little bro, but he obviously doesn't respect your mother at all, and clearly has no will power. He needs to learn to have some respect for himself and for other people, and that is going to take some hardcore work, aka a drill sargeant. Like i said, when all else fails...... NOTE* I'm not actually serious of sending him to boot camp, those people are terrible there. But seriously, get some discipline into his life, one way or another
we want to stop at home depot, and buy a door knob that locks from the outside, he already wouldnt go through the window...its got a nice prickly bush around it... im thinking if he doesnt have a job, then he cant afford to pay for the car...so therefore it falls on me...id be happy to employ him around the house, yard, and have him do other things needed...any ideas on that...i told him if he can get a 3.5 or better then he wont have to pay for anything but half of the insurance... also, my ma is gonna forward me the child support...which im totally psyched about...i can now sell the titan and get something more gas friendly...(i could support him no problem between the money coming in from the state and such for me, and my girl and i share finances so its just extra money)...i think ill get a mini van and always drop him off at school bumpin some simon and garfunkel
When I was in highschool this kid drove his moms mini van to school sometimes and he would burn out after school, smoking the tires. To really get him embarrassed thump your music, yell out the window that you love him, and peel out man. It cracks me up thinking about it. The door knob idea is good but I would install it before he gets there. Also putting him to work is always good. Hard work never hurt anyone, and it can really give a sense of satisfaction. I definately think you are doing the right things with him. One thing I would do is tell him that he can talk to you about anything, and that if he ever has a problem with anything to come to you. I wish my parents were more accepting and open with me. They said they were but honestly they weren't and it might actually help him to have someone to talk to that isn't going to get him in trouble. Of course if you notice a pattern where he just repeats the same old stuff then I would talk to him about it.
I say if he can pass school let him be. So he's getting fucked up a lot, lots of kids doo at that age. I understand you may be worried about him, but he'll be alright. I say no rules for him except maybe a 12 am curfew, if he can keep a deecent job and get good grades. Amen
ya i would do everything you suggested man, it sounds good so far just make him keep a job as well, that will keep a lotta people including my self in check hah, if i got work to be at, thats one less bad thing i could be doing hah
your a good brother for that. maby threaten to break his bongs and stuff. well really doing it would be a tragity but it may just scare him straight. really tho thats cool that youll do that for him.
Just tell him that if he wants to be anyone he needs to man up, realize that making 7.50 an hour is not what he wants and start making some grades. If he doesn't even work then studying and blazing is no problem. Be nice and not aggressive.. but let him understand that shit doesn't just come.. tell him he is expected to help out around the house and bring good grades in exchange of being able to toke with you guys without having to worry about it or something of that nature. He'll mature and be cool.
hes here now...moving in, he seems a little more chill than normal, and ready to actually try...he wants me to buy him a pack of cigarettes, but i dont think i should, ill feel wrong for doing it...
i say if he has Passing grades shows respect u should buy him sum ciggs, toke up wit him but if he doesnt obey your rules jus tell him he cant have those previlages and sell his car because your the only person thats giving him a chance and he is all u got besides ur mom
Buy em for him. Don't hesitate.. remember, if you want respect, show some. He'll appreciate it and will think twice before he fucks up. Ciggs are nothing, if he has come to the point of asking you to buy them then buy them for him. Tell him that you won't buy more than one a week which should keep him at about 2/3 a day.