My greatest fear..

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by mrs. illadelphin, Aug 1, 2011.

  1. Is direct eye contact.

    I have always considered eye contact very intimate for some reason and I cannot make eye contact with just anyone. It makes me so uncomfortable that sometimes even still as an adult when someone looks me in the eyes I am almost pushed to tears. I am not necessarily a meek mild person but it's just something about the eyes-- the intensity. I can't even take a photo where my eyes are direction looking into the camera I feel like my soul is being revealed it's too much I'd rather not give it away.

    I am not sure how much sense this makes but is it completely irrational to fear eye contact/try to avoid it completely?

    Other people find me strange because when I am conversing I am too shy to engage in eye contact, I'll glance occasionally but I definitely don't stare into people's eyes :/ It's inconvenient and makes me feel awkward.
  2. I'm the same way i completely understand
  3. I used to dislike eye contact as well. It coincided with my former lack of confidence. Since I have gained self-confidence, I find the whole eye-contact thing to be sort of humorous. I look into people's eyes, and I look at it as sort of a fun/funny game to not look away first. If you keep looking, they will almost always look away, and it's sort of a confidence-booster, due to conquering the fear you speak of. If they don't look away, it just becomes a funny thing cuz you're staring at each other without any reason. lol.
  4. Wondrous eyes should be a sin to steal from the world...although i share the feeling on eye contact...
    out of time but i will be back:D
  5. Eye contact is an intense thing for me too. There are a few people I can't sustain eye contact with at all, but I try to look directly into the eyes of almost everyone I talk to. I think it helps with communication. To me, it feels like the conversation becomes more genuine on a deeper level when there is eye contact, almost like your souls are making a connection with each other.
  6. lol omg.. damn eye contacts!

    i do eye contacts then i usually look away first..

    its just hella weird starin like that havin an eye starin contest...

    nothin to worry bout tho.

    not like u gotta look at everyone in the eye just to have a conversation.
  7. Well two comments for ya,

    One being the avoidance of eye contact is generally representative of anti-social behavior. I have a problem with it myself sometimes unless I'm making a point. You can definitely use eye contact to your advantage, heh.

    And you worry about making eye contact revealing your soul, but I fear avoiding eye contact reveals your soul.
  8. I think a lot of people feel the same way, if not as strongly. I always look in people's eyes, and they usually look away. It makes me sad because I do feel like it's more intimate, and you can learn more about a person just by looking them in the eyes when talking to them.

    Why is it inconvenient?
  9. I'm a very socially awkward person, but I've never had a problem with eye contact. I do find it disrespectful if somebody doesn't look you in the eyes when talking to you, though. There's nothing worse than trying to carry on a conversation with somebody staring at the ground. To me, it makes me feel like I'm not engaging enough for that person to even look at me.

    I can definitely see where my insistence on eye contact freaks alot of other guys out though. I'm not looking into their eyes lovingly, I'm trying to read them while they talk to me. The eyes signal many different things; not to mention most people's eyes give away their lies rather easily.
  10. When I make eye contact it feels as if I'm too deep in their mind and my other senses disappear for that instant, it's like my brain pauses.

  11. Yeah I agree it can be used to someones advantage...but I am not too anti-social, I guess I get uncomfortable easily in some social situations but I maintain an average/or at least what I would consider typical or healthy amount of interaction so I don't think it's an anti-social tendency with me at least not for the most part. I just think eye contact is so meaningful.. like when I am in love with someone I like looking them in the eyes that's fine but other people being in on it feels too intimate I feel like they're really too close if they are trying to connect deep within my eyes like that.

    But I totally know what you mean..avoiding it can seem a revealing attribute on it's own but I guess I just avoid it over all because I take it so very seriously..

    I feel you. It definitely implies a certain sincerity. I feel like a truthful, genuine person but I still have trouble making that contact in spite of that. It doesn't matter if I am just talking to them plainly or trying to conceal something it's just uncomfortable to look into someones eyes and really stare into them.

  12. I basically said that because a lot of people take it as a sign of something negative (such as disinterest or disrespect) but for me it's not at all either of those things it's just that sacred thing I have about eye contact I keep it scarce and it is nothing of disrespect I can barely control it. Like I said before, my eyes water sometimes when I try even when I look at myself in the eyes too long I feel weird about it.

    It's also inconvenient because during interviews I am usually looking off, when I interact with people during class or out at work I am also usually looking in another field away from them and they might see that disconnect and think I'm not friendly. Although I probably make up for that by being polite anyway. It's just annoying how much it gets to me. I swear I can recall a stranger looking me in the face as long as 4 years ago, it strikes me so off. I hate it.
  13. I have to have a lot of eye contact due to teaching kids....You have to make sure they are understanding....and this is revealed through the can tell when they aren't following.....or better still when they are distracted.

    A fun thing we used to do awhile back (with friends) when on lsd is purposefully stare into each other's eyes over a candle.....on looking for a minute or so...the other person would visually change into what can only be described as their real a child version of who they were...Im glad I had that experience.....we are all the same inside.
  14. If eye contact is bothering you then your simply thinking about it too much. It's like a stoned person or on any mind opening drug, they overthink everything. They look into someone's eyes and while they are having a conversation also having a conversation in there heads with themselves about the awkwardness or whatever the emotion is about the eye contact. Yeah, been there lol.

    It comes down to having a stable clear mind, and yeah confidence plays a part as well. Focus on the conversation not the eye contact. Your doing what everyone else does, looking at the person while talking, don't overthink it. It's like people who can't talk in front of a group of people, same reasons.
  15. I used to be afraid of that too until a girl pointed it out that I never made eye contact with her so I started to make contact all the time. My greatest fear is eternity. My belief is that we will live for eternity but where? That's what scares me.
  16. #16 MelvinAramis, Aug 2, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2016
    What purpose does a picture where someone's looking in the camera serve anyways? If anything, it's pretty creepy.
  17. I often choose to look away when I'm talking to someone, especially if it's about something that's important to me. Not because I have a problem making or keeping eye contact, but because sometimes their micro expressions interfere with me. Whether they're revealing what they really feel verbally or not, micro expressions happen a lot, and I usually see them clearly. Because this awareness can create a reaction in me, by looking away, I can say what I mean without being affected when I suddenly notice something that can seem incongruous.

    @ nathann

    I've had all sorts of reactions to my choosing to look elsewhere. Initially, after I might be asked something, I'll look away, often at the ground, during what could be called the 'thinking' or 'still' phase of the interaction before whatever I'm going to say occurs to me. And instead of allowing me to reply in my own time and in my own way, people sometimes interfere by insisting I do so in the way and with the speed that they expect me to - this can manifest as occasionally lowering themselves and getting in my face or just repeating what they've said as if my pausing must imply deafness.

    On the whole though, if I'm being direct and sincere with someone, I'll look them in the eyes, often without blinking. I do feel we connect with people when we make eye contact and if I'm wearing sunglasses, will always try to remove them before engaging someone.
  18. Another thought about looking at someone......If you want to try to break this thing that is bothering you....Imagine what would be the worst thing that could happen when you looked at them...really think about what is going on....

    What you want to avoid is THEM looking into your eyes...Im not trying to bash your self-esteem, but you should think about why it happens so you can get over it........Eye contact is something that is valued in positive communication....What about your family? Those that love you have a hard time looking at them and vice versa?

    People are mostly kind...adults at sounds like you are afraid they will judge what they see.

    "Those that mind, dont matter.....those that matter, dont mind" ~Dr. Seuss

  19. I do the same. If I'm engaging in a thought, I tend to look away. It's pretty creepy to keep looking someone in the eye while you're trying to formulate your next sentence. My general rule of thumb is this: if I'm talking to you, I'm looking at you. If you're talking to me, I'm looking at you. If there's silence, I'm probably not looking at you, because that's a little weird.

    I can understand the trepidation some people have concerning this. I don't want to make it seem like I think those who can't maintain eye contact are weak or anything like that. I don't. I just really do generally find it disrespectful, especially among good friends and professionals.
  20. I spent a good bit of time with a girl a couple of weeks ago, and I noticed something about her. Whenever we were together and she was telling me something about herself or her past, she couldn't make eye contact with me. She would look everywhere but into my eyes. She wouldn't even look at my face. But if we were talking about something else, she seemed to have no issue with eye contact. She was sharing some very deep, personal stuff, making herself vulnerable to me, so it's interesting to me that she was either unable or chose not to make eye contact during those moments. Perhaps she felt too vulnerable, so she was avoiding eye contact as a way of defending herself against a negative reaction from me. It was all subconscious, I'm sure, but I did find it interesting once I noticed.

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