My girlfriend and weed - help!

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by CaJuaL, Jan 22, 2010.

  1. #1 CaJuaL, Jan 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2010
    This probably isn't an original topic, however I figured I'd tailor the subject to my situation. I need some advice.

    I've been smoking bud for 5 years. When I met my girlfriend 2 years ago, I moved in with her and she didn't want me smoking weed anymore. I stopped. After a year or so, I caved and got back into the habit. I was smoking on occasion with her parents (of all people) and she stayed quiet (but of course, upset) and only now at our two year mark has she gave up in after several arguments about me smoking weed. I am now "allowed" to smoke weed. I'm a grown ass man (at least I think so) and I don't want to come home to my woman hiding things. I'd rather be straight up and tell her what's going on in my life so she understands that I love and trust her to be with me no matter what type of attachments I have, good or bad.

    She has a bachelors in Psychology and is currently studying for her pHD. It was like trying to squeeze blood out of a rock to convince her that weed is "okay". (She still doesn't think so) I'm fairly thankful that she's finally accepted it into my life - sounds ridiculous doesn't it? Call me whipped, but I would do anything and everything for this girl... all in all - we're happy!

    I kinda feel like an asshole for arguing with her and pushing her on the subject. It's not that I don't respect her or anything... and it's not necessarily the matter of "Weed or Girlfriend" but she realised I wasn't happy if I didn't smoke. She's still not happy about it, but I think she bites her lip everytime I smoke/when I'm high.

    It would be hella awesome to have her smoke with me... but with her Psych background knowledge and such, it almost seems impossible. Most guys usually get their straight-edge girlfriends to smoke with them eventually but it feels like I'm really playing the circumstances here since being in this "special" situation.

    So anyhow...

    1) Should I even bother to "push her buttons" and eventually try and get her to smoke with me? I think she'd love it personally - although she claims to really hate the smell. (Which is unbelievable)

    2) Do you think I should just let everything be and have her get accustomed to it? Or do you think I'm seriously damaging our relationship? I love her and don't want to lose her, but I really consider this trivial nonsense that I'm allowing a girl to get between me and Mary Jane. Everything else in our relationship is great, however.

    Nobody else understands me better than you guys... if/when I try to explain it to others, I always end up having to go through why smoking benefits me and why it's suitable for my lifestyle. I don't need to justify myself here.
  2. IMO;

    partners shouldn't force each other to do anything. That goes for making one quit or urging another to smoke. If she comes round she'll come round in her own time. If she thinks weed is bad you have the golden opportunity to show her otherwise and then it'll go naturally from there.
  3. Absolutely.

    She doesn't have to approve, but if she is unwilling to accept your choices, then I think there is a fundamental problem in your relationship.

    A healthy caring relationship should not be based on coercion.
  4. She's obviously not too bright if she has a bachelors in psychology and still thinks weed is harmful.

    Let her know that science has proven weed to be virtually harmless, and that you're going to continue smoking it, because it's an activity that you enjoy, and you would really like her to actually educate herself about it so your relationship can get stronger.

    If she refuses that then obviously she's not interested in intellectual honesty, or making you happy, so you should find somebody who is.
  5. u should just let it be for awile and once she get more ok with it then just start by showing here stuff like bongs,bud ect. curiosity killed the cat and also makes people try weed

  6. QFT

    Respect her not wanting to smoke, ask that she respect your smoking.
  7. Just a quick after-thought;

    I think your best option is to tell her pretty much everything you told us. Tell her you love her, let her know that you respect her perspective and her own decisions, but that those are not your own. Be sure to reinforce that you're not ignoring or disregarding what she has to say, but that sacrificing your own would be equally unhealthy for the relationship.

    Assuming that goes well, there may be concession you both have to make. It might be useful to offer to keep it private, to clean up behind yourself (ash and paraphernalia, etc.), and to agree to limit or moderate your use.

    Compromise is the name of the game - NOT sacrifice.
  8. #8 User Name:, Jan 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2010
    I have plenty of friends that are in a good relationship where their partners don't toke. It is usually only an issue if one partner doesn't trust the other.

    I would suggest asking her to go on a theme-park day where you eat some firecrackers on the drive there. No smoking and nothing but fun with you, your lady, and a shit ton of roller coasters. :]
  9. Wow guys. Thank you everybody for such honest input. Everybody is coming with different perspectives, and I really appreciate it.

    I just don't want to be an asshat, that's all... and it just seemed as though that's what I was being.

    I appreciate the reassurance everybody has given me and the enlightenment towards what my mistakes are. I'll definitely be around to provide my active input as well. Consider the community up another active forum member!

    Happy Toking all!
  10. The best part of my marriage is that we don't force each other to do anything.

    If she (finally) respects that fact that you like to smoke, you should respect the fact that she doesn't.
  11. If you decide to pursue it, edibles might be a gentler introduction without the smell. Does she like to cook or bake? If so, she might even enjoy that part of it. Good luck.
  12. My psychology teacher told us that thc 'ate' holes in the myelin sheath. don't know how much truth that holds :rolleyes:

    I agree with the PP, it should be about compromise not sacrifice.
  13. #13 Mindtwister, Jan 22, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2010
    well my psychology teacher told us that thc will fuck up ur brain and shit

    and back to topic: i would be glad to have a gf who accepts my smoking and won't try to force her in anyway to do it too. well good thing i don't have a gf:p
  14. tell her to smoke some sativa it would improve her perspective on psychology
  15. Just tell her about the little happy place. And how awesome it is.
  16. I'm really curious about her overall "beef" with cannabis? you say she has a degree in psychology and is working on her phD.... wouldn't she be open to scientific research and logical evidence regarding weed?

    or does she have one of those "I just don't like it" attitudes or "i don't like the way it makes me/you feel/act..."

    I've been with my girl for 9 years now and I've been smoking for years. we've gotten to a point where she doesn't smoke herself, but is fine with my tokin....
    she went through a number of stages about it.... first she was in college with me and was ok.... then she "didn't like how i acted" when i was high.... and i tried to hide it..... but it just turned into me being super paranoid and her knowing anyway.... she's smoked a few times since then and is pretty much neutral towards it.....

    best advice is to be honest and sincere.... the only true way to make a relationship work.....

    peace and good luck

    plus try and get to her from a scientific point of view....

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